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#4462643 - 02/23/19 04:09 PM OT: Mother Passed  
Joined: May 2003
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CaptSopwith Offline
Barmy WingNut
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Good morning gents,

I'm not really sure how to open this post. My mother passed away very unexpectedly and suddenly last weekend. She was only in her early 60s. It's difficult to find the words to write about such a shock. It's been a stressful and busy year to begin with, with a lot of worry about work and where life is going from here, but this has put everything in stark contrast. As some of you know, my mother has had a few close calls over the years. She struggled with mental health issues, especially within the last decade or so. But after I got the call last weekend, I keep thinking back to happier memories of her. One of them led me here. When I was 16 years old I was bitten by the First World War flight sim bug. First it was Wings of Glory but then I heard about Red Baron II. One afternoon, while shopping at Wal-Mart with my mom, I found one remaining box copy of the game, marked down for $20. I begged my mother, quite dramatically, in the store to please, please, please get me the copy of Red Baron. "It's the last game I'll ever need!" was often a phrase I used back then. She saw how badly I wanted it and picked it up for me.

That box still sits on my bookcase 21 years later. I still fly with the Microsoft Sidewinder she picked up for me a few years later. I joked that it was the best twenty bucks she ever spent - it sparked my interest in history which led to college, then grad school and well, you know the rest.

Her death was a shock, even after so many close calls. Apparently she had bronchitis for the past week - my mother was a very heavy smoker - and because of poor family finances had put off seeing a doctor. She was finally seen but that night she went to bed and never woke up. The conclusion was that her heart simply stopped in the middle of the night. My father, who is also dealing with a lot of mental health challenges, is devastated. I am in the middle of the busiest and most stressful six months of my life and honestly, it's hard to cope with so much happening in such a short span. So, as always, I though it would be best to post something here. I am heartbroken and at a loss for what to say or how to proceed, other than one step at a time. I have a loving family of friends around me and a fantastic partner, so in that sense I'm very very fortunate. But it's also incredibly hard to process.

Spare a thought for my mother if you can, my friends. I'd greatly appreciate it. She wasn't without her faults, but she was a wonderful woman and an inspiration to me each day.

#4462645 - 02/23/19 04:19 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 2,854
Rick_Rawlings Online content
B.O.C. Challenger
Rick_Rawlings  Online Content
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I am very sorry to hear about your loss, especially since your mother was so young. You are right that the process will take time and starts with one step after the other. Make sure that you do not take too much on yourself, but pull the best from your friends and the rest of your family. We will all be thinking of her and you.

#4462648 - 02/23/19 04:36 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 671
Maeran Online content
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Maeran  Online Content
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UK
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss CaptSopwith.

Your mother is about the same age as my own. Reading this makes me glad I saw her earlier today.

It's good that you have lots of people around at times like this. That's when you really need their support, both emotionally and to help out with organisation. Rick_Rawlings gives good advice there.

#4462649 - 02/23/19 04:37 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
Joined: Dec 2012
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MFair Offline
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Capt, My sincerest condolences to you and yours. Mothers are so special. As you have mentioned, think of the happier times. All the best to you and yours in your time of sorrow.


Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from either end.
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#4462652 - 02/23/19 04:41 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 3,615
RAF_Louvert Offline
BOC President; Pilot Extraordinaire; Humble Man
RAF_Louvert  Offline
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L'Etoile du Nord
.

My heartfelt condolences Sopwith, very sorry for your loss. I know what a shock it can be, I lost my father to a heart attack when I was 19. He was 57 and we never saw it coming. Allow yourself to grieve, and keep the best memories of your mother as close as you can throughout. It does get easier as time goes on. I'll say a prayer for you and your family Sopwith, and know that your friends are here for you.

Deepest sympathy.

Lou

.

.

#4462655 - 02/23/19 04:55 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 493
kksnowbear Offline
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My mom, an English teacher and Linguistics major, is right behind me, watching over my shoulder as I write this. She'll say things like "Less is best", and I'll probably ignore her sage advice, like I have so many times before.

I try to avoid saying "I know how you feel" to someone who is suffering so...truth is, only you can know what all this means to you.

But I know how I felt when my mom passed some 15-odd years ago from the ravages of smoking. (I don't know the exact date, to be honest, or even the year, because I struggled so to forget that terrible event).

Just as your mom left you with the game from so many years ago that has since influenced so much of your life, my Mom left me with admiration (and hopefully some skill) for writing. And although I've always worked in technology jobs and never been paid to write, there have been many times when bosses, peers, and subordinates noted how my writing ability separates me and augments my technical skills. If it weren't for her, I would never be who I am...and I think we could say the same for your mother and you.

So, even though she's been gone for quite some time, she's still standing right behind me at this very moment. Less is best.

You keep this in mind as you carry on, because that's all you can do for her now...and she'll be right there, with you, forever.

I do wish you and your family peace and comfort during this most trying of times.

Heartfelt regards,

#4462660 - 02/23/19 05:15 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
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Raine Online content
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Raine  Online Content
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Captain, I've been there too and can certainly sympathize with what you are experiencing. I am happy that you have such good memories to hold.

#4462669 - 02/23/19 06:00 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
Joined: Dec 2000
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Sandbagger Offline
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Capt,
So sorry to hear of your loss, especially as your father has his own problems.
I lost my mother when she was only 62 so I know how you feel.
Chin up my friend - it will get brighter,

Mike


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#4462674 - 02/23/19 07:06 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
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77_Scout Offline
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Vancouver Island, Canada
Sad news. Nothing we can say will make anything better, but I know sharing with friends lightens a burden just a bit, so just know we are thinking of you.

#4462677 - 02/23/19 07:12 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
Joined: Apr 2018
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jakethescot1 Offline
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Of all the words recorded in written history, nothing can comfort us in the loss of someone we love. I lost both my parents almost 30 years ago, and my wife 11 years ago. Believe me when I say: I'm really, really sorry for your loss. Peace be with you.

#4462692 - 02/23/19 08:41 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
Joined: Sep 2015
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Stache Offline
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Michigan, USA
Capt,

You said it in your post... take it one day at a time.
I lost my dad 12 years ago and my Mom six years- jeez has it been that long.
Both were a long, hard to watch, painful process of slow degradation due to dementia.
My mom lasted a long time, my sisters and I took care of her for as long as we could but we finally made the heart wrenching decisions to put her in a home.
There we continued to watch the slow decline, till she no longer recognized any of us.
While her body was there, we all knew mom was already gone.

Very sorry for your loss.


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#4462697 - 02/23/19 09:20 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
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JJJ65 Offline
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Capt, my sincerest condolences to you. I have similar experience - my mother (73) got hard brain attack 28th of December last year. She can't speak, she does not understand a word, she is completeley paralyzed on right side of the body, incontinent and so on. Simply said - she is a body that is not my mother as I used to know anymore. Very sad. My last two months are full of sadness and nothingness. I can very understand your feeling to lost a closest human been, a woman that gave you the most valuable thing - your live and who loved you the most.
Sorry for my English I can not express my feelings as best as I could.

Last edited by JJJ65; 02/23/19 09:47 PM.
#4462699 - 02/23/19 09:39 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: JJJ65]  
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HarryH Offline
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Deepest sympathies Cap. I'm sure the whole community is wishing you and your dad well through this tough time.

H

#4462701 - 02/23/19 09:58 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
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gaw1 Offline
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CS..........there are no words. Bad luck....we're all born to break somebody's heart. Carry on...

#4462712 - 02/23/19 11:17 PM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
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OldHat Offline
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Capt,
Like JJJ my mother died of stroke last year. Unfortunately, I was not close to her and regret it every day. Count yourself one of the fortunate few in the world that can carry good memories. I wish well and say a prayer for you and your family.

#4462725 - 02/24/19 01:17 AM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
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Robert_Wiggins Offline
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Cap'n

So sorry for your loss. I too lost mine too early. She was 57 and succumbed to a rather short term aggressive leukemia on my 21st Birthday. While at hospital, my father handed me my birthday present (a watch), which he and my mother had purchased for me just two months before. I still have it and cherish it along with the great memories of the past. Those memories help see us through.

Best Regards and I wish you well.


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#4462731 - 02/24/19 01:55 AM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
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ARUP Offline
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Sympathies from Kentucky. It doesn't make it better. Both of my parents are gone. You will find yourself remembering the funniest and silliest happy moments with them from days gone by!

#4462738 - 02/24/19 03:31 AM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
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Hellshade Offline
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My sincerest condolences, Soppy. That she raised a fine son says much about the kind of mom she was.


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#4462755 - 02/24/19 07:24 AM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
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dutch Offline
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Capt, we have the same background when it becomes to Redbaron and I can still remember you at the redbaron forums. Think we split our path when I went from OFF3 to RoF and now another break from Woff, caused by FC. I’m only reading this forum, just in case something in VR is happen. But when reading this, I did feel I have to react, something small but out of my heart, from RB veteran to RB veteran.

Very sorry to hear this and my condolences for you and your relatives.

#4462759 - 02/24/19 09:45 AM Re: OT: Mother Passed [Re: CaptSopwith]  
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matmilne Offline
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UK
So sorry there capt. In a couple of weeks, it will be 5 years since I lost mine, my dad in a boating accident a year later. Though less numb these days, it changes you in so many ways. The PC gamer article was out a few months after her passing, so I never got to show we'd made it into a major publication.

Last edited by matmilne; 02/24/19 09:47 AM.

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