OT: Mother Passed
Posted By: CaptSopwith
OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 04:09 PM
Good morning gents,
I'm not really sure how to open this post. My mother passed away very unexpectedly and suddenly last weekend. She was only in her early 60s. It's difficult to find the words to write about such a shock. It's been a stressful and busy year to begin with, with a lot of worry about work and where life is going from here, but this has put everything in stark contrast. As some of you know, my mother has had a few close calls over the years. She struggled with mental health issues, especially within the last decade or so. But after I got the call last weekend, I keep thinking back to happier memories of her. One of them led me here. When I was 16 years old I was bitten by the First World War flight sim bug. First it was Wings of Glory but then I heard about Red Baron II. One afternoon, while shopping at Wal-Mart with my mom, I found one remaining box copy of the game, marked down for $20. I begged my mother, quite dramatically, in the store to please, please, please get me the copy of Red Baron. "It's the last game I'll ever need!" was often a phrase I used back then. She saw how badly I wanted it and picked it up for me.
That box still sits on my bookcase 21 years later. I still fly with the Microsoft Sidewinder she picked up for me a few years later. I joked that it was the best twenty bucks she ever spent - it sparked my interest in history which led to college, then grad school and well, you know the rest.
Her death was a shock, even after so many close calls. Apparently she had bronchitis for the past week - my mother was a very heavy smoker - and because of poor family finances had put off seeing a doctor. She was finally seen but that night she went to bed and never woke up. The conclusion was that her heart simply stopped in the middle of the night. My father, who is also dealing with a lot of mental health challenges, is devastated. I am in the middle of the busiest and most stressful six months of my life and honestly, it's hard to cope with so much happening in such a short span. So, as always, I though it would be best to post something here. I am heartbroken and at a loss for what to say or how to proceed, other than one step at a time. I have a loving family of friends around me and a fantastic partner, so in that sense I'm very very fortunate. But it's also incredibly hard to process.
Spare a thought for my mother if you can, my friends. I'd greatly appreciate it. She wasn't without her faults, but she was a wonderful woman and an inspiration to me each day.
Posted By: Rick_Rawlings
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 04:19 PM
I am very sorry to hear about your loss, especially since your mother was so young. You are right that the process will take time and starts with one step after the other. Make sure that you do not take too much on yourself, but pull the best from your friends and the rest of your family. We will all be thinking of her and you.
Posted By: Maeran
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 04:36 PM
I'm really sorry to hear about your loss CaptSopwith.
Your mother is about the same age as my own. Reading this makes me glad I saw her earlier today.
It's good that you have lots of people around at times like this. That's when you really need their support, both emotionally and to help out with organisation. Rick_Rawlings gives good advice there.
Posted By: MFair
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 04:37 PM
Capt, My sincerest condolences to you and yours. Mothers are so special. As you have mentioned, think of the happier times. All the best to you and yours in your time of sorrow.
Posted By: RAF_Louvert
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 04:41 PM
My heartfelt condolences Sopwith, very sorry for your loss. I know what a shock it can be, I lost my father to a heart attack when I was 19. He was 57 and we never saw it coming. Allow yourself to grieve, and keep the best memories of your mother as close as you can throughout. It does get easier as time goes on. I'll say a prayer for you and your family Sopwith, and know that your friends are here for you.
Posted By: kksnowbear
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 04:55 PM
My mom, an English teacher and Linguistics major, is right behind me, watching over my shoulder as I write this. She'll say things like "Less is best", and I'll probably ignore her sage advice, like I have so many times before.
I try to avoid saying "I know how you feel" to someone who is suffering so...truth is, only you can know what all this means to you.
But I know how I felt when my mom passed some 15-odd years ago from the ravages of smoking. (I don't know the exact date, to be honest, or even the year, because I struggled so to forget that terrible event).
Just as your mom left you with the game from so many years ago that has since influenced so much of your life, my Mom left me with admiration (and hopefully some skill) for writing. And although I've always worked in technology jobs and never been paid to write, there have been many times when bosses, peers, and subordinates noted how my writing ability separates me and augments my technical skills. If it weren't for her, I would never be who I am...and I think we could say the same for your mother and you.
So, even though she's been gone for quite some time, she's still standing right behind me at this very moment. Less is best.
You keep this in mind as you carry on, because that's all you can do for her now...and she'll be right there, with you, forever.
I do wish you and your family peace and comfort during this most trying of times.
Posted By: Raine
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 05:15 PM
Captain, I've been there too and can certainly sympathize with what you are experiencing. I am happy that you have such good memories to hold.
Posted By: Sandbagger
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 06:00 PM
So sorry to hear of your loss, especially as your father has his own problems.
I lost my mother when she was only 62 so I know how you feel.
Chin up my friend - it will get brighter,
Posted By: 77_Scout
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 07:06 PM
Sad news. Nothing we can say will make anything better, but I know sharing with friends lightens a burden just a bit, so just know we are thinking of you.
Posted By: jakethescot1
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 07:12 PM
Of all the words recorded in written history, nothing can comfort us in the loss of someone we love. I lost both my parents almost 30 years ago, and my wife 11 years ago. Believe me when I say: I'm really, really sorry for your loss. Peace be with you.
Posted By: Stache
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 08:41 PM
You said it in your post... take it one day at a time.
I lost my dad 12 years ago and my Mom six years- jeez has it been that long.
Both were a long, hard to watch, painful process of slow degradation due to dementia.
My mom lasted a long time, my sisters and I took care of her for as long as we could but we finally made the heart wrenching decisions to put her in a home.
There we continued to watch the slow decline, till she no longer recognized any of us.
While her body was there, we all knew mom was already gone.
Very sorry for your loss.
Posted By: JJJ65
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 09:20 PM
Capt, my sincerest condolences to you. I have similar experience - my mother (73) got hard brain attack 28th of December last year. She can't speak, she does not understand a word, she is completeley paralyzed on right side of the body, incontinent and so on. Simply said - she is a body that is not my mother as I used to know anymore. Very sad. My last two months are full of sadness and nothingness. I can very understand your feeling to lost a closest human been, a woman that gave you the most valuable thing - your live and who loved you the most.
Sorry for my English I can not express my feelings as best as I could.
Posted By: HarryH
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 09:39 PM
Deepest sympathies Cap. I'm sure the whole community is wishing you and your dad well through this tough time.
Posted By: gaw1
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 09:58 PM
CS..........there are no words. Bad luck....we're all born to break somebody's heart. Carry on...
Posted By: OldHat
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/23/19 11:17 PM
Like JJJ my mother died of stroke last year. Unfortunately, I was not close to her and regret it every day. Count yourself one of the fortunate few in the world that can carry good memories. I wish well and say a prayer for you and your family.
So sorry for your loss. I too lost mine too early. She was 57 and succumbed to a rather short term aggressive leukemia on my 21st Birthday. While at hospital, my father handed me my birthday present (a watch), which he and my mother had purchased for me just two months before. I still have it and cherish it along with the great memories of the past. Those memories help see us through.
Best Regards and I wish you well.
Posted By: ARUP
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/24/19 01:55 AM
Sympathies from Kentucky. It doesn't make it better. Both of my parents are gone. You will find yourself remembering the funniest and silliest happy moments with them from days gone by!
Posted By: Hellshade
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/24/19 03:31 AM
My sincerest condolences, Soppy. That she raised a fine son says much about the kind of mom she was.
Posted By: dutch
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/24/19 07:24 AM
Capt, we have the same background when it becomes to Redbaron and I can still remember you at the redbaron forums. Think we split our path when I went from OFF3 to RoF and now another break from Woff, caused by FC. I’m only reading this forum, just in case something in VR is happen. But when reading this, I did feel I have to react, something small but out of my heart, from RB veteran to RB veteran.
Very sorry to hear this and my condolences for you and your relatives.
Posted By: matmilne
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/24/19 09:45 AM
So sorry there capt. In a couple of weeks, it will be 5 years since I lost mine, my dad in a boating accident a year later. Though less numb these days, it changes you in so many ways. The PC gamer article was out a few months after her passing, so I never got to show we'd made it into a major publication.
Posted By: Blade_Meister
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/24/19 02:26 PM
Very sorry to learn of this CaptSopwith. Praying for comfort and Peace for you and your family.
Posted By: Hasse
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/24/19 02:37 PM
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. It is always a hard blow to lose the person who gave you your life.
Posted By: Fullofit
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/24/19 03:37 PM
Sorry to hear about your Mom, Soppy. Mine left just over a year ago. You’ll get through it, trust me.
Posted By: CaptSopwith
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/24/19 04:49 PM
Gents, I don't know what to say to say thank you. I opened up the forums today and was floored by all of the messages - not only of support, but of empathy for having experienced something similar. So many names that are a comfort to see - Robert, Lou, Dutch, Sandbagger, Hellshade, Mat, and so many other members I've gotten to know. It helps more than I can say. Keeping this hobby alive in a way maintains the connection with my mom. I'm also digging through Spotify and connecting with music I haven't thought of since I was a kid. The Pretenders, The Police, Men at Work (my mother was of the MTV generation) and It's also nice to listen through those records again and connect. You guys are right, you do remember the funniest and most random things that your brain hasn't accessed in decades. Thank you so much for being here. I hope that in the midst of the insanity of this year that I can finally, finally get back to his hobby I love so much and post some more missions as time goes on. Was hoping to dive into WOTR but it sounds like I'll need to scrape some pennies and finally upgrade this video card of mine. Sounds silly, but even that reminds me of my family growing up. We were a Dell family from our first computer on and man if there's not a pattern here - a solid system with a weak video card that I eventually upgrade! Twenty years ago I scraped together money mowing lawns to get a 3DFX Voodoo 3000 (the box is still in my house somewhere). I guess this time it'll be a 970 or something similar? Something about the cyclical nature of flight simming somehow feels comforting.
Brains are weird places to be.
But this community continues to astound me with its warmth, friendship, and empathy.
Thank you guys. So much.
Posted By: Shredward
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/24/19 08:11 PM
I feel your pain - I lost my Mom four years ago. This will eventually diminish, as it did with me, though it still hurts that I can’t talk to her , show her my love, be with her. She is never far from my thoughts, and I still feel her presence. She lives on in me, as will yours in you. I know you’ve made her proud
Posted By: BuckeyeBob
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/24/19 10:10 PM
I am very sorry to hear of your loss. We share a bit in common, both the good and the bad. The good is that I too, got my start flight simming with RB2. I purchased it just before the 3D patch and have never looked back. I also lurked at the Delphi forum, and I seem to recall your name. I had no idea how young you were at the time!
The bad is that I also lost my mother at a relatively young age (65), from cancer, almost 20 years ago. I still think of her almost every day, as I am sure you will with your mother, too. She sounds like she was a wonderful mom. I know she must be very proud of you.
Posted By: Mr_Dirt
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/25/19 01:32 AM
Sorry for your loss Cap no amount of sorry can make up for your loss, but she is in a happier place where there are no struggles. I too lost my mother several years back, it was hard because we had not gotten along for several years. My sisters felt I was not doing enough for her and she took their sides. I was there just before she passed and the only words that passed was she ask me if she was dying and I had to be the one to tell her yes she was, but I also got to tell her how sorry I was that we had wasted the last years of her life in anger. I miss her and my father who passed years before. The grief will really never leave but the good memories will also be there in times of need. Prayers and good wishes for you and your Father.
Posted By: kentcol
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/25/19 03:14 AM
Prayers my friend. My mom passed on February 4th.
Posted By: matmilne
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/25/19 11:24 AM
Whilst you're digging through spotify there...I got a new album out
Posted By: OvStachel
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 02/27/19 07:19 AM
So sorry to hear the new Cap. No words to say, other than I send my deepest condolences.
Always here if you need me... as I once was in the past some 20 years ago... I'll be there again.
Proud to have known you for as long as I have.
Posted By: CaptSopwith
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 03/03/19 07:42 PM
James, thanks so much for your note. I had a feeling I'd be hearing from you mate. It's been a pleasure knowing you this long as well!
And to the rest of the replies - I don't know how to respond in a way that adequately says my thanks. It's been a brutal start to 2019 for a lot of reasons and this one really was one thing too many, so your posts help keep me going.
Going to have an insanely busy week but hoping that I can get back to the skies over the Western Front (and Britain now that I've sorted myself out!) soon!
Posted By: xNightFlyerx
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 03/08/19 06:48 AM
I am sorry to hear of your loss. I often fear the same thing as my mother is in her mid sixties and not in the best health.. My wife and I will keep you in our prayers.
Posted By: HumanDrone
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 04/20/19 01:08 AM
Captain, I am so sorry, and very sorry I'm so late to this thread - I just haven't been able to be around. So how is the adjustment coming? After the hubbub and confusion and shock is over, and things finally seem, well - how do you feel? I remember well when my father-in-law passed unexpectedly, at only 56, dearly loved by his grandchildren, and with taking care of my wife and the kids it took a few weeks for it to actually hit home.
And while anything I say seems so inadequate, know that you are in our thoughts and prayers as we come into Easter. Your friends here at WOFF are still ready to listen.
Posted By: Wulfe
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 04/20/19 01:15 AM
Hi, CaptSopwith - I don't think we've had much contact on the forum so far, but all the same I'm truly sorry to hear of your loss and hope you're doing okay. My thoughts are with you.
Posted By: Polovski
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 04/20/19 04:29 PM
Very sorry to hear that CaptSopwith. To lose a mother at a relatively young age is a mind-numbing shock. It was at least it was for me when mine died - she was aged 39. Totally out of the blue. It will likely get easier to cope with all you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and get on eventually.
One thing that will keep you going is what would my mum want me to do in this situation or that situation and it can help you keep going.
Now I can think back from time to time but painful memory definitely smooths out some over time.
Posted By: CaptSopwith
Re: OT: Mother Passed - 04/23/19 01:38 PM
Again, gents, please accept my sincere thanks for your kind words. Life has been insanely busy yet again and I haven't had a chance to check in as much as I'd like but I took a look at the boards the other night and saw that this thread had moved back up to the top and I read through your replies.
I wish I knew what to say. To all of you who shared stories of your own personal loss - I too am very sorry for what you've had to experience. One of the remarkable aspects of being human are the communities we form - and I feel that I moved into a new community with this seismic shift in my life. How am I doing? Better. It's been a very hard moment to process but I've had countless interactions with others who have shared their own stories of loss and I feel that, somehow, I am able to better empathize, and better connect with them after what I've gone through. It's still brutal and it still hits me at random times. My flight sim hobby is a direct result of my Mom. She's the one who encouraged it and when I was a kid on the new Flight Sim Forums, she was the one who supervised me when I made my first Delphi account and who listened to me recounting my exploits in the air night after night.
So in many ways life goes on - I'm different from the person I was a few months ago, but I am working to take that experience and use it to be a better compatriot to those around me.
Thank you again guys, I really really appreciate it.