Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans

Child abuser!

https://www.thewrap.com/bean-dad-9-year-old-open-can-6-hours-infuriates-twitter/

https://thetakeout.com/the-baked-beans-can-opener-twitter-debate-of-2021-expl-1845980546

His Twitter account is gone but here are his tweets. He seem to be enjoying his hungry 9 yo daughter 6- hour long struggle with the can opener and not able to open the can of beans.



A 9 yo girl still has little hands and fingers. She can cut her hand and fingers on that can opener, I assume it was one of these.

POS.
He was verified on Twitter. Article says he is a singer and podcaster.
Nothing like documenting your child abuse.

I don't know about child abuse, but certainly a failure to mentor, which was becoming all too common even when I was a kid.

He was being a jerk, yes. But I wouldn't go so far as to call it child abuse. If for no other reason than that doing so puts what he did on somewhat a par with those who beat, or intentionally starve their children, or subject them to real psychological cruelty. What he did was miss his opportunity to be the "apocalypse dad" he thought he was being, and turned a simple lesson in self-reliance (and kitchen tool use) into a (semi) traumatic experience for both of them.

By his Tweet I think he didn't bother to show her. My Dad and Ma always show us how to do something first and then let us try it. He better not teach his kids how to drive.

She's not very resourceful. At a similar age I figured out how to get the food out of a tin of beans after someone else forgot to pack a tin opener using nothing more than a rock (to make a dent in the side wall) and a bit of patience (to work the dent until it split). You can btw do the same thing with just your hands if it is pre-dented or you are a bit stronger than 10yo me. She also lives 'near other people' and I would ask for help if I couldn't operate the tool from a neighbour (as when I had a broken arm and needed help with jars).

I wasn't a fan of the 'knife and lever' type can opener my dad favoured (and he stabbed himself with it more than once, and it *always" left a jagged opening on the tin), and the early style of metal 'rotary' tine opener with the static 'knife' was prone to not cut the steel very reliably. - But you could 'snip' the bits it skipped over by just closing the opener over each short segment until you cut them away, even when it wouldn't reliably cut on the move. Modern openers with the rotary disk-cutters are so much more reliable and easier to use than those we had 30 years ago (until the plastic bearing surfaces and cheap cast gears wear and start to skip - I've had one which lasted 6 months only... but most are still okay at 4-5 years so it isn't too terrible).


That said he appears to be a bibo. Not very helpful to her (though maybe she needs to learn to fix stuff herself or to figure out what request to make... and how, even that beans in a tin can wait, and there are other things which could be eaten - stick the failed tin into the fridge until someone else will 'fix it' to minimise the risk of waste)... but he then chooses to post it to the Twit place.

I don't think he was abusing his child. He seems like a well educated Dad trying to pass down his genetic qualities to her, whom may not be adequately imbued with what he has.

One of my Dad's favorite things to say to my brother and I was, "Figure it out!"

He said this often. Especially when we asked him questions or for help.

Know what?

We're better men because of this.

Don't cans have ring pulls on them in the US ?
I haven't seen a can that needs a can opener in years.

I wouldn't classify the exercise as quite being child abuse either, but without knowing all the circumstances, it does seem a bit extreme. It might just have been exactly what she needed though...

I wonder if she thought of searching on the internet for how to do it, and if so, did he forbid that resource?

Analyzing how a fairly simple tool works, spatial relationships, and anger management are valuable skills to have, and do not come naturally to some people. Based on his description, he didn't just say "figure it out" and abandon her. He provided guidance on how to approach the problem methodically.

What I do find to be questionable judgement on his part was posting about it on the internet. While he probably viewed it as good parenting to lead her through the process, publically posting about it was potentially embarassing to his daughter... and in a way that sticks around as "the internet is forever".

BTW, there are two ways to use those rotary handle manual can openers to open a can.

I think he owed it to her to at least walk her through the process, if for no other reason than to see if she had the necessary hand size and strength to utilize the opener.

I'd say that 80-90% of the tins I use - Beans, Kidney Beans, Soup and Peaches are sealed tins, needing an opener. Only a smaller proportion use a ring-pull. (UK, south)

The supermarkets are full of tins which do have ring pulls on them, but not on the products and brands I typically prefer (I find 'big label' brands to have more salt and sugar than I prefer, and the lower cost ones which have the cheaper style tin too, suit my palette better - I only buy them if the normal brands I buy are sold out and I really want to restock the cupboard with a few.

Not to mention the fact that these days ANYTHING posted on the internet is liable to draw a firestorm of criticism.



Exactly. What seems to need no explanation to most people does so only because they have forgotten that it needed to be explained to them the first time, too. Just like the phrase "natural as walking". It's only natural after weeks of practice and falling.


I was never a fan of electric can openers, either. It seemed that, more often than not, the can would slip and release pressure on the switch, sometimes even falling and spilling. Personally, my favorite was the trusty, rusty, P38 that was in every box of C-Rats. Kept one on my keychain. Never met a can they couldn't open. Also very useful as a flat or Phillips screwdriver. And I never had to hunt for it because someone didn't put it back where it belonged.

I don't like the pull ring can. I have met a few that didn't open when you pull on it. Sometimes the ring break off.

Exactly show the kid how to do it. Maybe give the kid 10 to 15 minutes to try and figure it out. Tormenting the kid for 6 hours while she is hungery is abuse IMO.

I remember my Dad teaching me how to use one of these when I was 5.

P38's rock.

That's a can opener?

An elegant tool, from a more civilized day.

I'm not sure if it was military issue or not. But we did call it any Army can opener.

P-38 opener. Also called a “John Wayne”

Simple, small, folds flat; —- always works.

I'm sure those P-38's sliced through those C-Rat's with ease.

What did you guys use before it was invented?

The only crime I see here is a grown man being this much of an attention whore. Twitter was a mistake...

It's not a crime to be a douchebag. Although it should be.

Looks like we may have a challenger for the record, folks!

Ah the good ole P-38. Somewhere with my vintage mess gear, I have a few of these - new in-wrapper from the Vietnam era. And of course one I opened and used. Still works to this day. Somehow, it's still sharp! And hasn't rusted...

Holy crap...I hope that guy never tries to teach her marksmanship.

I always carry one. Comes in handy quite often.

That's a lot of work

A lot of work ?

I remember those things. We got one in every rat pack during exercises. Didn't know it had a name other than "tin opener".

There is a slightly larger version called ... wait for it .....



a P-51



The designation came from the body length in millimeters. 38 and 51.




The endless parade of odd information you pickup during a career in the military.

that video is near 3.5 minutes. The can opener I use will open the can in 22 seconds like it's shown in the first 30 seconds of this video

but hell Crane.. maybe these little snot noses need a little hardship nowadays LOL

Also, even if she got it open, unsupervised at a stove at nine?

There is no indication the kid is a snot nosed. (if she was she would have told him to GF himself, and make some toast or cereal)
Allowing a kid to be hungry, and struggle for 6 hours is brutal parenting.
There are better ways to teach your children, especially if you love them.

I didn't watch the video and I never timed myself, but you can go pretty fast with a P38. And like I said, you could keep it with you on a key chain and it was good for a lot more than opening cans.

It's built for portability, not speed.

My nine year old son can use a stove just fine.

I used to cook family meals a few times a week, as did my older brother.

Same here, Mon to Fri, when both parents were working as did my younger brothers.

She wasn't unsupervised.

Nine years old is plenty old enough.

The father put her through an exercise in problem solving on the can of beans. Don't assume he utilizes the same approach on everything she had / has to learn.

One word....microwave.

Good point. But you know as a kid, she would not put paper towel over the bowl. It would look like bean bomb went off afterwards.

...which just leads to a second lesson.

A good prepared parent could just leave a microwave cover (I use a large inverted bowl) in the oven, which forces a user to place the bowl/plate underneath it because there is no room otherwise.

Ahh heck, just let the kid put the whole can in the microwave...let's put the wet cat in too!

As a nine year old, I had my own .22 rifle, with ammo. I played hockey with grown men, put one in the hospital for stiches who kept lifting pucks my way...I returned the favor (I really didn't mean to hit him in the face).

Did ten mile + bike trips a few times a week on my own. I know my sisters were helping mom cook, lots of hot stuff, occasional burns etc.

Oh yeah, I had already blown myself up once! (not bad enough, next time I got burned a tad). I learned from that one.

This is just more wussification of society crap.

Nixer = Superboy & Davy Crockett when he was 9 yo

Not really, NFB. That was pretty common for us "boomers". And when we hurt ourselves doing any of that our parents didn't look around for someone to sue. They either said they hoped we had learned from our mistake or punished us if it was a repeat offense. I think the world would be better if that were still the case.

I'm 61. As a child we didn't have computer games,and the TV only had 3 channels. We either played with our toys or more likely were out playing/exploring/cycling. It wasn't unusual to be out most of the day,only returning to be fed.

I'm sure my mother wondered where we were at times. I also spent a lot of my summer holidays (probably 10 or eleven at that time) on my auntie's farm where I had access to air rifles and shotguns and all the inherent dangers of a working farm. I never wished to leave that place.

Six hours suggests to me the child was given a rudimentary can opener and had no idea whatsoever how to operate it.

Look I'm all for the "figure it out yourself and learn something" approach in many ways, but purposely making hunger a motivation for it (and for that long) just isn't right in my eyes...

I'd propose if it was REALLY that important in Dad's Eyes that the skill was needed THAT badly he should have done a demonstration of it himself, set the kid to it, then intervened way, way before six hours.

I've been "sent to bed with no supper" as a kid - but as punishment for a transgression, not an inability to figure out how to open a can...

By todays standards my dad would be guilty of major child abuse - in fact that did come up, but he died in his thirties of cancer. He was a woman abuser and a child abuser, and I think he got off easy in his fate.

But even HE wouldn't have done what this father did. He'd have demonstrated it, had me attempt it, and he'd have got in and "coached it" if I was running into excessive problems.

I am actually defending someone I hate more than anyone who ever lived with this..........

I don't believe the father's goal was that she learn how to use a can opener. I believe it was an attempt to teach her how to analyze a problem/challenge and work out a solution.

Yes, he could have demonstrated how to use the can opener. If he had done that, it would have bypassed the whole exercise of leading questions about how to look at something and discern how the parts work together to accomplish a purpose /desired outcome. Acquiring the ability to methodically examine something unfamiliar and then make it work for you is a useful skill. It potentially goes way beyond a can opener. There may come a day when she _really_ needs to figure something new out when nobody is there to show her (or to just do it for her).

The only problem I had with it, was the kid was hungry for 6 hours.
As a parent I can't imagine doing that.

I completely agree in the abstract, but completely disagree in terms of this actual incident.

I can think of many, many much more appropriate scenarios to apply that philosophy to.

IMO the dad should have at the very least got involved in the problem solving process within 20 minutes - since when is it a bad thing to TEACH a child something?

Kids learn more when they have to figure things out for themselves.

And again, I agree with that in the abstract...

Say the dad had got "hands on" (or even flat out intervened) at the one hour point - would you consider that to be "Helicopter Parenting"?

I would never let my kid starve, so when it comes to food, even my own Dad who was quite the hardass(in a good way) would have stepped in to show me how to do it.

His mother, on the other hand, would have said something to me like, "What are you, stupid?" (She did do this to us as kids. There's a reason my Dad left home the day he turned 18).


Myself, I would likely give a brief demonstration of how something operates, then let my daughter give it a shot for a while. But I'm not a prick--well, I am still a full-blooded a-hole, but I see value in learning by example. Just enough of an example to get the picture, but beyond that, exercising the brain builds muscle.