1 day before a dentist appointment

One day before a dentist appointment - did you ever brush your teeth extra careful thinking that it would make up for a year of bad habits? Well, it's one week before a colonoscopy and I'm wondering what I can "brush" so everything looks good for my ultimate "selfie." Well, I'm at a loss. I'm not even going to ask for tips. As much as I admire the folks here at SimHQ, I think that if I've got polyps up in there, there is no hack that any of you can recommend at this point. All I've got left is lame jokes. Maybe on the day of the procedure, I will mystically wave my hand at the medical professionals and conjure my best Alec Guinness and say, "These are not the "rrhoids" you're looking for." Hopefully, they will be Star Wars fans.

Well, you better hurry up and get your sheet in order...

Just some advice:

When you're buck naked and strapped down on that cold steel table with your butt in the air and a guy named Jack enters the room with hands the size of your head pulling 50 feet of garden hose that goes you know where....just close your eyes and think of the most most beautiful woman on Earth making love to you and hopefully you'll pass out before.....

j/k

Colonoscopy stories can be all over the map, but mine last Oct. wasn't horrific at all (4 polyps snipped, I remember being told 3 but paperwork says 4).

Piper is on to something though...flood your thoughts with poon to get you through these awful procedures. If you have a special someone, hold her hand for a bit while you wait, touching wrists so that her perfume gets on you. Use it. When the fear hits, stroke your chin like you're in deep thought. They won't know you're actually sniffing your hand.

I was lucky with my colonoscopy (as with my long-time dental hygienist and recent audiologist), as I always seem to find a gorgeous (to me anyway...my type) middle-aged chick who enjoys talking 80's bands and tunes. I swear we (one of the nurses, not doctor) were talking Journey while I was laying on my side at my colonoscopy when my lights went out (before I even knew about an upcoming concert). I woke up in the recovery room wanting to continue my conversation and my wife was kind enough to oblige.

General. Anastesia.

Sleepy time for me both times.

It is amazing how having a "hottie" or two getting you set up in the pre-op seems to just take the edge off. I have have had a couple of very good looking anesthesiologists for some of my procedures. I always think, well there is some really lucky guy out there who gets a smart, attractive women who makes great money. The perfect trifecta. LOL

You really have to have a good sense of humor for these things. It helps.

Look on the bright side, you COULD be having a barium enema instead...

All four times for me, the only way to fly!!

When I had my vasectomy I was prepared and handled by a couple of, as far as I could tell behind the masks, pleasant nurses. I was initially worried I might become a little "appreciative" of their administrations.

However, cold swabs and a businesslike procedure laid that to rest. I think they might have handled farmyard animals in a previous job.

When I was in recovery after my stent insertion, my heart began to race. Anyways they had to put the paddles to me because I had gone into cardiac arrest. That brought me back and even tho a little disorientated, my groin felt warm and sticky. When I mentioned this to the nurses they went crazy as they realized I was bleeding to death. (the point of insertion for the stent was thru the groin). The clamp had just been removed but still had to lay very quiet. The shock from the paddles had opened up the insertion point. The nurse was a bit rough on cleaning up the blood, so I told her to be more careful as there might still be some use for that body member. We had a good laugh.

For my snip the grab and yanking of the jewels, regardless of pain eliminating drugs, made me so nauseous that I almost lost it right there on the table.

It's context. I also had this - and I have no other description but "hot" - Asian female doctor inspect my Rod of Manhood very closely with zero stirring of the loins. Afterwards I was rebuked for asking one of the nurses (who was a dude) why she wore a full face mask for that.

OTOH, when I was in prep for surgery on my knee in Saudi, this Polish nurse came to check on me. Blonde, blue eyes, and one of the most stunning women I have ever seen in my life. Rank be damned, I told her so, and let her know I'd probably be hanging around the hospital for a few days if she wanted to come see me.

No luck - she spoke very little English - but it was worth the shot.

My work colleague keeps referring to the general anesthesia that he got as the Michael Jackson drug because apparently, it was what Michael was using. I hope I get some of that!

As well as pain reducing drugs, I also had something else that made me too high to care what was going on. Fun trip home.

I have had more than one anesthesiologist make the "joke" that I was to be given the same drug drug that killed Micheal Jackson. They seem to have a very strange sense of humor. You would think that they would know that most people don't want to hear that right before "going under".

Well if you don't wake up, you know what put out for the big count.

Hmm, I lost a bit of weight once and stupidly told the doctor whilst I was there about something else minor, I managed to talk myself into a prostate examination by the hottest doctor I've ever met, I've never had such conflicting feelings with my pants around my ankles, ever!!!

I see her in my local supermarket and it feels worse than bumping into the woman I lost my virginity to....

She didn't even offer me a cigarette after!

Lol, Friday.

My one digital prostate exam (about 10 years ago) was by the physician’s assistant (male) who had the physique of an NFL linebacker. I’m not too uptight about this kinda stuff, but I’m sure I would have been more comfortable being examined by a slender little lady with much skinnier fingers.

Colon cancer is nearly unstoppable if it spreads to other organs. A check up, no matter how unpleasant, is the far better alternative. Wise decision, Letterboy

You don't need to worry about brushing (LOL) the prep will clean you out plenty.. I had mine 2 months ago and double Hernia surgery almost 1 month ago, and I had 3 attractive women in the room

Lol, Every cloud has a silver lining I guess

Shan2 is spot on though, the alternative if missed is x1000 times worse!

Maybe you could try some bleaching down there to impress the doctor?!

I was at first, then a quick search brought me to...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anal_bleaching

That really is a thing?! Now I'm even more .

Man, I'm so far behind the times (butt I'm ok with that).

Yeah Mark, that's exactly what I thought.

I'm laughing my ass off about this (not R rated, I don't even have a YT account to access those)...



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toGkH3p-2uA





Guess it got started with porn (no surprise). My long defunct collection was vintage and I'd like to think kinda classy, so I missed out on this later phenomenon.

What will they come up with next?

And to think that this very same question was probably asked the day before anal bleaching became a thing. Hey, let's try to get ahead of the curve and come up with our own ideas. Here are my contributions.

1) Penis lighting - just that, kind of like track lighting except to showcase the penis.
2) Vaginal amplification - involves a microphone near the lady parts and a speaker in a backpack that blasts the sounds of the "vajayjay" during everyday activities like walking, jogging, sitting, and whatever else.
3) Turd polishing - because they say it can't be done!

Oh but it can..

Oh yeah, I should have seen that one coming!