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retired husband

Posted By: KraziKanuK

retired husband - 09/19/17 02:38 PM

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.
Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
Yesterday my wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in House Wares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Posted By: axman

Re: retired husband - 09/19/17 02:46 PM

ROTFLMAO!
Posted By: Alicatt

Re: retired husband - 09/19/17 02:51 PM

biggrin I can identify with some of those
Posted By: No105_Archie

Re: retired husband - 09/19/17 03:54 PM

I am a retired husband and can relate smile Thanks to fervent prayer by thousands of men Target in Canada went bankrupt. There's still Costco....but its better than Target and the hardware/tool shop is right across the road
Posted By: JimK

Re: retired husband - 09/19/17 04:42 PM

LOL, this was a Walmart joke years back. Still, to Funny.

I have shopped with my wife for all the years we have been together. Grocery the most important. If she wants to go browse, I tell her have fun knowing
I am not the one with patience for it. When I browse, what, I browse. Yes you do. Only the good areas, like sporting goods, electronics and the like. We
carry phones and text each other where we are. Makes life so less complicated.

We are in the process of giving up 24 years of managing these Apts. Burnt out does not come close. Prisoner is it. Going to make a break for it.
Posted By: marko1231123

Re: retired husband - 09/25/17 11:36 AM

LoL

It cheered me up today
Posted By: bones

Re: retired husband - 09/26/17 01:20 PM

That was funny.

Ah, it used to be a WalMart joke. That would explain the guns in the hunting department. I don't think Target or even WalMart has guns for sale, at least in Chicago (You can get them free here anyway, why buy them?).

But seriously though, are there Targets and Walmarts in the other parts of the US that sell firearms?

A friend of our works at Kohls and said that someone once pinched off a deuce in the fitting room, so #16 wasn't that far off...

v6,
boNes
Posted By: KraziKanuK

Re: retired husband - 09/26/17 02:54 PM

bones, had a part time job at Simpson-Sears when younger.. Had to remove a porcelain throne from the floor one day as someone took a dump in it.
Posted By: PanzerMeyer

Re: retired husband - 09/26/17 03:01 PM

I worked at a J Byrons (Florida dept. store) when I first started college and I also encountered an incident where some shopper took a dump in one of the fitting rooms.


What's wrong with some people??? Sheesh.
Posted By: F4UDash4

Re: retired husband - 09/26/17 03:22 PM

Originally Posted by bones

But seriously though, are there Targets and Walmarts in the other parts of the US that sell firearms?



Our local (upstate SC) Walmart's still sell rifles and shotguns, no handguns. But they bent to political pressure and stopped selling AR-15's just a couple of years ago.
Posted By: No105_Archie

Re: retired husband - 09/26/17 10:54 PM

C'mon guys ...the Walmart down the road from me sells rifles & shotguns and I'm in Canada smile
Posted By: Haggart

Re: retired husband - 09/27/17 04:39 AM

F4UDash4....."But they bent to political pressure and stopped selling AR-15's just a couple of years ago"

good
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