Posted By: Sauron
Chaotic Energy Vampires - 09/17/11 10:55 PM
Do you have any friends or acquaintances who are chaotic energy vampires?
You know the type. Their lives are whirling vortexes of chaos into which you may be sucked if you get too close.
If there is any bad luck lurking in the area, it will find them and leap upon them with a vengeance. You feel like a horrified bystander at a hideous accident scene just knowing them.
If they took a cruise, they'd book passage on the Titanic.
If there's a horrendously ill-advised piece of real estate around, they buy it.
Their lives are filled with mishap and misfortune of every stripe, from poisonous snakes in their yard to insect invasions to financial difficulties that would try the patience of Job.
And most of their misery is of their own invention. When they should be making repairs on their property, they're buying luxury items. Their bill payments lag behind as they choose to spend the money allocated for their debt to purchase whim items of no particular usefulness. Their children plan futures that are no futures, and the parents heartily endorse their ill-advised notions. And their dreams are always far and away greater than their resources or talents.
They are beset by illnesses and accidents, but nothing even remotely normal. Mishaps and diseases that one would normally only hear mentioned in some obscure textbook hidden in the dusty bowels of a medical school library seek them out and foist themselves upon these people with glee.
Tales of their day-to-day lives sound like something out of a truly dire black comedy. You worry that God will condemn you because you can't help laughing at their unlikely, never-ending, brain-frying predicaments. And no sooner has one emergency in their life been brought under control but another has arrived and blossomed into yet more dire and hair-raising mayhem. They proceed through a life so outlandish as not to be believed, reacting to one catastrophe after another. Order, planning, and serenity never rear their ugly heads in their world.
And worst of all, they call you every few days and talk long and fervently of the latest chaotic atrocities that have occurred in their lives until, when you finally pry yourself loose from the phone, you collapse in a wilted heap, beaded with cold, clammy sweat, your heart palpitating and your energy drained just from hearing what has happened since you spoke to them two days ago.
The husband suffers an angina attack while trying to save the mange-ridden family dog from a Cottonmouth that crawled out from under the tow truck while their car was being repossessed. When he falls over, he hits the end of the picnic table bench which catapults the lantern that he was servicing for an upcoming fishing trip onto the roof of their house. As the roof catches fire, the wife rockets out of the shower to escape the flames and is arrested for indecent exposure. Their daughter is so traumatized that she begins plucking and eating her own hair, and now they can't find a way to pay for her therapy because their seventh grade son replumbed their home and the bilge pump couldn't remove the water from the basement fast enough to keep the foundation from cracking, which is going to be terribly expensive to fix. This of course exacerbated the young cousin's (who stays with them because his parents were killed in a horrifying wood chipper accident) eczema, and now the neighbors are complaining because he won't stop rubbing his ass against the rough bark of the hickory tree out front. Meanwhile, they have no one to babysit for their seven younger children, and an epidemic of impetigo and hoof and mouth disease has broken out amongst the urchins. But they're all going to Cabo San Lucas, the whole family, for two weeks next month, would you feed their llamas while they're gone? Watch out for the gray one, he bites, just ask the mailman, who is now suing them for medical costs for the dreadful llama bite. Oh and keep an eye on Tippy, the family dog. When he's not humping someone's leg or scratching his mange, he combs the neighborhood, seeking out and pissing on cottage cheese. He ruined Mrs. Malworth's DAR luncheon last month.
I can't take it anymore. I refuse to answer the phone if they call. Let Mrs. Sauron deal with them. She spoke to them a couple of days ago and is still exhausted. And every time we look at one another, we crack up laughing which makes us worry about our karma.
Do you know anyone like this, or do they only find me and haunt my life unbidden?
I call them chaotic energy vampires. If they touch your life, it could unleash the apocalypse. And talking to them sucks the very marrow from your bones.
Cheers!
Rick...
You know the type. Their lives are whirling vortexes of chaos into which you may be sucked if you get too close.
If there is any bad luck lurking in the area, it will find them and leap upon them with a vengeance. You feel like a horrified bystander at a hideous accident scene just knowing them.
If they took a cruise, they'd book passage on the Titanic.
If there's a horrendously ill-advised piece of real estate around, they buy it.
Their lives are filled with mishap and misfortune of every stripe, from poisonous snakes in their yard to insect invasions to financial difficulties that would try the patience of Job.
And most of their misery is of their own invention. When they should be making repairs on their property, they're buying luxury items. Their bill payments lag behind as they choose to spend the money allocated for their debt to purchase whim items of no particular usefulness. Their children plan futures that are no futures, and the parents heartily endorse their ill-advised notions. And their dreams are always far and away greater than their resources or talents.
They are beset by illnesses and accidents, but nothing even remotely normal. Mishaps and diseases that one would normally only hear mentioned in some obscure textbook hidden in the dusty bowels of a medical school library seek them out and foist themselves upon these people with glee.
Tales of their day-to-day lives sound like something out of a truly dire black comedy. You worry that God will condemn you because you can't help laughing at their unlikely, never-ending, brain-frying predicaments. And no sooner has one emergency in their life been brought under control but another has arrived and blossomed into yet more dire and hair-raising mayhem. They proceed through a life so outlandish as not to be believed, reacting to one catastrophe after another. Order, planning, and serenity never rear their ugly heads in their world.
And worst of all, they call you every few days and talk long and fervently of the latest chaotic atrocities that have occurred in their lives until, when you finally pry yourself loose from the phone, you collapse in a wilted heap, beaded with cold, clammy sweat, your heart palpitating and your energy drained just from hearing what has happened since you spoke to them two days ago.
The husband suffers an angina attack while trying to save the mange-ridden family dog from a Cottonmouth that crawled out from under the tow truck while their car was being repossessed. When he falls over, he hits the end of the picnic table bench which catapults the lantern that he was servicing for an upcoming fishing trip onto the roof of their house. As the roof catches fire, the wife rockets out of the shower to escape the flames and is arrested for indecent exposure. Their daughter is so traumatized that she begins plucking and eating her own hair, and now they can't find a way to pay for her therapy because their seventh grade son replumbed their home and the bilge pump couldn't remove the water from the basement fast enough to keep the foundation from cracking, which is going to be terribly expensive to fix. This of course exacerbated the young cousin's (who stays with them because his parents were killed in a horrifying wood chipper accident) eczema, and now the neighbors are complaining because he won't stop rubbing his ass against the rough bark of the hickory tree out front. Meanwhile, they have no one to babysit for their seven younger children, and an epidemic of impetigo and hoof and mouth disease has broken out amongst the urchins. But they're all going to Cabo San Lucas, the whole family, for two weeks next month, would you feed their llamas while they're gone? Watch out for the gray one, he bites, just ask the mailman, who is now suing them for medical costs for the dreadful llama bite. Oh and keep an eye on Tippy, the family dog. When he's not humping someone's leg or scratching his mange, he combs the neighborhood, seeking out and pissing on cottage cheese. He ruined Mrs. Malworth's DAR luncheon last month.
I can't take it anymore. I refuse to answer the phone if they call. Let Mrs. Sauron deal with them. She spoke to them a couple of days ago and is still exhausted. And every time we look at one another, we crack up laughing which makes us worry about our karma.
Do you know anyone like this, or do they only find me and haunt my life unbidden?
I call them chaotic energy vampires. If they touch your life, it could unleash the apocalypse. And talking to them sucks the very marrow from your bones.
Cheers!
Rick...