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#4583280 - 10/22/21 11:22 AM Too Good Not to share  
Joined: Jun 2001
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rwatson Offline
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rwatson  Offline
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New Concord, Ohio
Sent to me by an old member Steve 190,And wanted to share these
A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the doctor was looking through these his

eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?"

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night."

You gotta love Grandmas!

A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."

Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here." A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.' The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.

2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3) It is always the right temperature.

4) It is inexpensive.

5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.

6) It is always available as needed

And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

He got an A+.

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.

"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"

"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied

The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."

The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"

His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes."

After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"

She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning. She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40-foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be.


Russ
Semper Fi
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#4583284 - 10/22/21 12:26 PM Re: Too Good Not to share [Re: rwatson]  
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vocatx Offline
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Ha ha! There are some good ones there. Competition for Bill.


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#4583285 - 10/22/21 12:47 PM Re: Too Good Not to share [Re: rwatson]  
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Vince H Offline
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Vince H  Offline
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Columbus, OH by way of Aiken, ...
Thank-you Steve 190 and rwatson. Wow!


#4583308 - 10/22/21 02:43 PM Re: Too Good Not to share [Re: rwatson]  
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CyBerkut Offline
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Florida
biggrin

#4583309 - 10/22/21 02:47 PM Re: Too Good Not to share [Re: rwatson]  
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PanzerMeyer Offline
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PanzerMeyer  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 115,387
Miami, FL USA
Those were pretty good and I had never heard any of those jokes before either!


“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
#4583404 - 10/23/21 01:14 PM Re: Too Good Not to share [Re: rwatson]  
Joined: Apr 2006
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BD-123 Offline
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BD-123  Offline
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Naunton Beauchamp Worcestershi...
Good jokes! Though the 'gunpowder' one has some basis of truth.
We visited an old Napoleonic era fort built on the South Coast of England when there was an invasion threat from 'Old Boney'.
Though the guns were never fired in anger, when the guns were decommissioned, there was mystification concerning the unaccounted loss of powder.
Turned out that the Marines and Tars garrisoned there pinched it to put on their bland and tasteless food to give it a bit of a kick, and became addicted to it!




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