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#4550980 - 01/06/21 03:46 PM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: NoFlyBoy]  
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Originally Posted by NoFlyBoy
Also, even if she got it open, unsupervised at a stove at nine?


She wasn't unsupervised.

Nine years old is plenty old enough.

The father put her through an exercise in problem solving on the can of beans. Don't assume he utilizes the same approach on everything she had / has to learn.

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#4551049 - 01/06/21 09:54 PM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: NoFlyBoy]  
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Originally Posted by NoFlyBoy
Also, even if she got it open, unsupervised at a stove at nine?


One word....microwave.

#4551052 - 01/06/21 10:12 PM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: WolverineFW]  
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Originally Posted by WolverineFW
Originally Posted by NoFlyBoy
Also, even if she got it open, unsupervised at a stove at nine?


One word....microwave.

Good point. But you know as a kid, she would not put paper towel over the bowl. It would look like bean bomb went off afterwards.


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#4551062 - 01/06/21 10:50 PM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: WangoTango]  
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Originally Posted by WangoTango
Originally Posted by WolverineFW
Originally Posted by NoFlyBoy
Also, even if she got it open, unsupervised at a stove at nine?

One word....microwave.

Good point. But you know as a kid, she would not put paper towel over the bowl. It would look like bean bomb went off afterwards.

...which just leads to a second lesson.

A good prepared parent could just leave a microwave cover (I use a large inverted bowl) in the oven, which forces a user to place the bowl/plate underneath it because there is no room otherwise.


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#4551083 - 01/07/21 01:08 AM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: Herman]  
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Originally Posted by Herman
Originally Posted by WangoTango
Originally Posted by WolverineFW
Originally Posted by NoFlyBoy
Also, even if she got it open, unsupervised at a stove at nine?

One word....microwave.

Good point. But you know as a kid, she would not put paper towel over the bowl. It would look like bean bomb went off afterwards.

...which just leads to a second lesson.

A good prepared parent could just leave a microwave cover (I use a large inverted bowl) in the oven, which forces a user to place the bowl/plate underneath it because there is no room otherwise.


Ahh heck, just let the kid put the whole can in the microwave...let's put the wet cat in too! eek

As a nine year old, I had my own .22 rifle, with ammo. I played hockey with grown men, put one in the hospital for stiches who kept lifting pucks my way...I returned the favor (I really didn't mean to hit him in the face).

Did ten mile + bike trips a few times a week on my own. I know my sisters were helping mom cook, lots of hot stuff, occasional burns etc.

Oh yeah, I had already blown myself up once! (not bad enough, next time I got burned a tad). I learned from that one. yep

This is just more wussification of society crap.



"There's a sucker born every minute."
Phineas Taylor Barnum

#4551085 - 01/07/21 01:23 AM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: NoFlyBoy]  
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#4551091 - 01/07/21 02:29 AM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: NoFlyBoy]  
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Not really, NFB. That was pretty common for us "boomers". And when we hurt ourselves doing any of that our parents didn't look around for someone to sue. They either said they hoped we had learned from our mistake or punished us if it was a repeat offense. I think the world would be better if that were still the case.


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#4551125 - 01/07/21 11:16 AM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: NoFlyBoy]  
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I'm 61. As a child we didn't have computer games,and the TV only had 3 channels. We either played with our toys or more likely were out playing/exploring/cycling. It wasn't unusual to be out most of the day,only returning to be fed.

I'm sure my mother wondered where we were at times. I also spent a lot of my summer holidays (probably 10 or eleven at that time) on my auntie's farm where I had access to air rifles and shotguns and all the inherent dangers of a working farm. I never wished to leave that place.


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#4552066 - 01/13/21 04:21 AM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: NoFlyBoy]  
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Six hours suggests to me the child was given a rudimentary can opener and had no idea whatsoever how to operate it.

Look I'm all for the "figure it out yourself and learn something" approach in many ways, but purposely making hunger a motivation for it (and for that long) just isn't right in my eyes...

I'd propose if it was REALLY that important in Dad's Eyes that the skill was needed THAT badly he should have done a demonstration of it himself, set the kid to it, then intervened way, way before six hours.

I've been "sent to bed with no supper" as a kid - but as punishment for a transgression, not an inability to figure out how to open a can...

By todays standards my dad would be guilty of major child abuse - in fact that did come up, but he died in his thirties of cancer. He was a woman abuser and a child abuser, and I think he got off easy in his fate.

But even HE wouldn't have done what this father did. He'd have demonstrated it, had me attempt it, and he'd have got in and "coached it" if I was running into excessive problems.

I am actually defending someone I hate more than anyone who ever lived with this..........

#4552201 - 01/14/21 02:42 AM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: NoFlyBoy]  
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I don't believe the father's goal was that she learn how to use a can opener. I believe it was an attempt to teach her how to analyze a problem/challenge and work out a solution.

Yes, he could have demonstrated how to use the can opener. If he had done that, it would have bypassed the whole exercise of leading questions about how to look at something and discern how the parts work together to accomplish a purpose /desired outcome. Acquiring the ability to methodically examine something unfamiliar and then make it work for you is a useful skill. It potentially goes way beyond a can opener. There may come a day when she _really_ needs to figure something new out when nobody is there to show her (or to just do it for her).

#4552207 - 01/14/21 03:52 AM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: NoFlyBoy]  
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The only problem I had with it, was the kid was hungry for 6 hours.
As a parent I can't imagine doing that.


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#4552330 - 01/14/21 11:24 PM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: CyBerkut]  
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Originally Posted by CyBerkut
I don't believe the father's goal was that she learn how to use a can opener. I believe it was an attempt to teach her how to analyze a problem/challenge and work out a solution.

Yes, he could have demonstrated how to use the can opener. If he had done that, it would have bypassed the whole exercise of leading questions about how to look at something and discern how the parts work together to accomplish a purpose /desired outcome. Acquiring the ability to methodically examine something unfamiliar and then make it work for you is a useful skill. It potentially goes way beyond a can opener. There may come a day when she _really_ needs to figure something new out when nobody is there to show her (or to just do it for her).


I completely agree in the abstract, but completely disagree in terms of this actual incident.

I can think of many, many much more appropriate scenarios to apply that philosophy to.

IMO the dad should have at the very least got involved in the problem solving process within 20 minutes - since when is it a bad thing to TEACH a child something?

#4552335 - 01/14/21 11:37 PM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: NoFlyBoy]  
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Kids learn more when they have to figure things out for themselves.

#4552340 - 01/14/21 11:52 PM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: Mr_Blastman]  
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Originally Posted by Mr_Blastman
Kids learn more when they have to figure things out for themselves.



And again, I agree with that in the abstract...

Say the dad had got "hands on" (or even flat out intervened) at the one hour point - would you consider that to be "Helicopter Parenting"?

#4552345 - 01/15/21 12:13 AM Re: Dad forces hungry 9 yo daughter struggle for 6 hours opening a can of beans [Re: NoFlyBoy]  
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I would never let my kid starve, so when it comes to food, even my own Dad who was quite the hardass(in a good way) would have stepped in to show me how to do it.

His mother, on the other hand, would have said something to me like, "What are you, stupid?" (She did do this to us as kids. There's a reason my Dad left home the day he turned 18).


Myself, I would likely give a brief demonstration of how something operates, then let my daughter give it a shot for a while. But I'm not a prick--well, I am still a full-blooded a-hole, but I see value in learning by example. Just enough of an example to get the picture, but beyond that, exercising the brain builds muscle.

Last edited by Mr_Blastman; 01/15/21 12:13 AM.
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