Of all the things I learned in grade school, how to avoid cooties was the last one I expected to use!


People keep asking “is coronavirus really that serious?” Listen up! Churches and Casinos are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing, it’s probably pretty serious!
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Now that teachers finally have a chance to use the restroom, there’s no toilet paper.
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Well, Groovy Guys and Groovy Gals of the 1970s…our grandkids just knocked our Blizzard of 1977 stories out of the ballpark!
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Shout out to all the parents who never taught their kids respect and now they’re stuck at home with the little turds!
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The longer this goes on the harder it will be to return to a society where pants and bras are required.
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Cops these days will be like…"come out with your hands washed!".
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Day 59 of quarantine… ate all the snacks and food…clothes no longer fit… but I’m still wearing gloves and mask for my protection.
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Never in my whole life would I imagine people's hands would consume more alcohol than their mouths!
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And just like that…having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, plastic sheeting and rope in your car trunk is OK.
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"Ask not what staying home on the couch can do for you, but ask what staying home on the couch can do for your country.".
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Police confront nudist sunbathers over not wearing facemasks amid coronavirus outbreak.
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Ladies…time to start dating the older dudes. They can get you into the grocery store early.
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I don’t like the fact that my chances of survival seem to be linked to the common sense of others.
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I can’t believe people can walk into a store to buy weed, but they have to meet their hairdresser in a dark alley with unmarked bills to get a haircut!
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Have to say that the Class of 2020 outdid themselves with Senior Skip Day this year!
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With so many sporting events cancelled, they’re having to televise the World Origami Championship…It’s on Paperview.
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Everyone is posting memes and talking about coming out of this quarantine with a new skill or side hustle. I’m just sitting here wondering how I never noticed there’s a turd in Saturday. (Sa'turd'ay).
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Not to brag, but I haven’t been late for anything for the past 59 days!
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A friend said "Sitting at the bar in the kitchen at night. Tried to pick up my wife. She gave me a fake phone number. WTH…"
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Another friend said "It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for seven weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything that I’ve done wrong for twenty years.".
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Have you noticed that since beauty salons are closed, selfies are down 68%?
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Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent coronavirus, but to stop eating.

I thought this was a good one.

As usual, reality produces the funniest moments.

Wisconsin agency orders employees to wear masks on Zoom calls while home alone