Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.

I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here

Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste

Before Corona Virus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough

I think it is great that people are finally starting to drink water, wipe their ass and wash their hands

Back in the day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled "last call"

Corona is getting such bad press that limes are going on strike.

Sounds like a great Michael Pena bit.

Obscure aircraft humor: "How can one tell if it's Covid-19 or Covid-19A? There's no hole for the cotter pin in 19A."

This week we all did great at learning to wash our hands. Next week we'll start on colors and shapes!

When I first heard of the Corona Virus I though it was kinda like Jungle Fever, but with Mexican girls.

And yeah, I went there.

Hired a kid to pick up the dog poop in my yard. I don't have a dog.

Flemish take on our current situation



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0JGiXACo3Y


Marc van Ranst is the chief virologist for Belgium.

Translated:
Also the tools of Jehovah's Witnesses are under crisis

"Now that every one is at home, may I not go visit them?"

I used to get visits from JW's all the time during the 80's but that trend mercifully died out by the early 90's. At least in my area.

Lucky you! I can see the Kingdom Hall from the windows at the back of the house, so they regularly call here... it's an on going battle, first time they were here I did not speak Flamish/Dutch they did not speak English … win for me... next time they called they had a tablet that translated from Dutch to English, so I spoke Gaelic to them … tablet did not have Gaelic on it.... Win for me.... waiting for the next visit....

^ LOL, might want to learn Latin or Ancient Greek for their next visit.

Well played sir!! Very well played!


Do you happen to speak any ancient Celtic?

I do!




Bob Cousy, Bill Russel, Tom Heinsohn, Red Auerbach

^ That was brilliant!

I wish they'd release Dyling Light 2 these days. We need a good virus-based game... :P

Beautiful

Funny jokes and it's good trying to keep some sense of humor during such a serious crisis.

But I think what we *really* need right now is an inspirational speech from the great Samuel L. Jackson...



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uz1J9PUcMQ0

I actually saw "Deep Blue Sea" in the theater. The entire audience burst out laughing when Jackson was taken by the shark. That scene was just so over the top and absurd.

It was the best scene in that crappy movie.