Is that the Welsh special edition version?

'The real ones run away'
Not if you tuck their rear legs in your wellington boots they can't.

I don't know what make of wellies you use BD-123,but the ones I have don't allow you to put a sheep's leg in there as well as your own.

Thats what the buckles on the side of green wellies are for.

Can I make a U-turn? Mate, once I get their hind legs in me wellies I can make them do almost anything

Round these parts there's a story of a farmer who got caught in a cow.

Long, lonely winters, see,

In spoiler in case it offends....

Time for this oldie.

Do you know why the Scots wear kilts?

Answer:

we got some sick people here !

I "heard" from a "friend" that the secret is to get them close to a cliff and then they actually push back against you.

letterboy takes the new crown - congratulations you sick puppy !

"Where men are men...and the sheep are nervous"

It's the old joke about the historian going to a small British town, documenting oral histories. In a pub he sees an old man sitting by himself, drinking beer after beer and staring wistfully out the window. The academic grabs two beers and sits down across from him.

The old man starts in as soon as he settles in the chair.

"I rebuilt the bridge across the stream there. They could have called me Billy the bridge builder.

"I repaired the church steeple. They could have called me William the Steeple Man.

"There's not a thing in this village I haven't fixed or built with my own two hands in my life. They could have called me anything after that.

"But f--- just one sheep...."

This is a truly scary thread, IMHO.

Chatting to the farmer next door one day on a dog walk, I asked him why he didn't plough one corner of the field we met in.
'Because that's a sacred place; where I lost my virginity!' says he.
'I be going at it balls-deep when her mother put her head over t'hedge'

'Good grief!,' sez I, 'what did she say?

'BAAAA!' says he.

Genuine conversation, though after winding up this townie, he explained that he didn't plough it as it was an area left for ground-nesting birds.

LOL!!! That was both very funny and disturbing at the same time BD.

I was listening to the radio during the drive in to work just now. There was an advertisement for a local feed store. Toward the end of the spiel, it said "call us for gift ideas for that special someone, or for that very special animal." I was laughing about the "very" being assigned to the animal instead of the someone, and immediately thought of this thread... and thinking "Ewwww". And then thinking that should probably be "Ewe!" for some of the folks with the Wellington boots...