Even a 3 year old can do this!

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand... As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later...

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little #%&*$#'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

...or wrap pill in liver paste and let it be gobbled up by the greedy feline.

How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

or dip it in gravy or peanut butter or regular butter or jam it in a bit of cheese or bread or any scrap of meat or pretty much anything

No way in h3ll am I putting a crazed cat between my knees - I don't to be orcatstrated ...

I gave up on this years ago after many attempts. Success rate was about 2% and not worth the stress for either me or the cat!

First of all, you don't own a cat

The cat owns you

Even with a pill popper it's next to impossible to dose either of my cats. I always ask the vet to do it when I take them for their checkup as for some reason they just freeze and comply.

They are also far too canny to take pills hidden in food and treats. Apparently a cat's sense of smell is much more sophisticated that a dog. It's just that you can't train a cat to do much with it (except perhaps detect veterinary medicine in cat food)

Maybe a suppository would work...

Brilliant post.

I have to give my cat a pill twice a day. She would hide it under her tongue and then spit it out after I left. The actual trick, though, in case someone is interested is to look up whatever drug it is that you have to give your cat and see if it is water soluble. If it is, then just dissolve the pill in a teaspoon of water, stir it up, suck it up with a dropper, put the end of the dropper in your cat's cheek and give it a gentle squirt. The cat will swallow it automatically. It's relatively easy.

If it's not water soluble, then things aren't so easy, but a compounding pharmacy can probably prepare a liquid solution for you (and it's worth the extra $20 this costs without a doubt).

We've had cat drugs compounded into a cream that can be dabbed onto the inside of an ear flap. Very easy on everyone.

WC

A blast from the past - I remember reading that nearly twenty years ago, when I first got on the internet.

I actually tried the same thing with the dermal cream, which seemed like a miracle, but after a couple weeks of this, I took her in for another blood test and they found no detectable amount of the drug (or its metabolites or whatever) in her system. The vet said he was going to check into it with the compounding pharmacy and I got my money back for the prescription, but I never did follow up to see what the deal was.

Out of curiosity, did they increase the dose for the cream compared to the pills? It seems to me the bioavalability of trans-dermal administration would be lower than the oral route, and you'd increase the dose, but it remained the same. It's methiamazole she takes for a thyroid condition (probably the result of eating Science Diet for years, which turns out was nasty stuff).

I know you read it as recently as five years years ago too.
http://simhq.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/2997411#Post2997411


Wheels

How are y'all able to dig up old threads?

The search engine here is not very good.

Partly a memory that's a steel trap for useless information. I knew I had posted the "Give a cat a pill" joke several years ago so I searched my own Topics to find it. Took me about twenty minutes.

My User page: http://simhq.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/users/13732/wheelsup_cavu
All Posts: http://simhq.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/userposts/id/13732/view/posts
Topics Created: http://simhq.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/ubb/userposts/view/started/id/13732
(You have to go to the list of posts to find the Topics link since it is not in the My Stuff area.)

To find Sauron's quote I used the SimHQ search engine and got lucky.
Something that helps a lot if you use SimHQ's search feature is to use the username of the person that posted the message you are trying to find. When that doesn't work I use Google and use SimHQ as part of the search string.


Wheels

when you use google you can limit it to
searching SimHQ by using site:SimHQ
It's pretty much undocumented, at least on
the not-logged-in google page (and I'm not
going to let google log my searches to my
identity), but it's one of the last holdovers
from the early (golden era) days of search
engines, when they would honour boolean AND
OR NOT in the searches as well. Then google
realized that they got more pennies by dumping
billions of results onto your screen rather
than actually helping you find exactly what
you are looking for.