Wall-of-text warning!!

I would like to share what has been happening to me lately and I was wondering if anyone else recognizes the symptoms and could maybe give me ideas as to what is going on.




I've been having problems sleeping since January 2014 and have been on sickness absence for a good two months at that time, then a couple more weeks during the year. I thought I was okay but then I'm having problems again. I've been off work for three weeks now.

I've seen my GP, I've been prescribed anti-depressants and stuff, I've been to counselling twice... once for "talking sessions" and the other one for "cognitive behavior therapy" or CBT. On both instances, both counsellors said that I was well aware of my situation and that I wasn't a candidate for CBT. I cannot take sleeping pills because I am asthmatic and the doctor is afraid I might just stop breathing in my sleep.

Before all of this, I would go 8-10 hours of sleep per night. I'd turn in for the night and before I knew it, it was morning time. I'd probably wake up a few times during the night to change positions but then I'd be asleep again with no problems. There was a short period wherein I would have to get up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night but I've now resumed to being able to hold it in until morning. Now I'd be lucky to get 4 hours. Maybe 6 hours but I'd feel like I have a hangover if I'm lucky. Most of the time I feel like I've been trampled by elephants. I would have two of such nights in a row and I'd think "surely on the third night I'd be so tired I would fall asleep!" Wrong! Maybe once a month, there would be one day that my body would seem to catch up and I'd spend 12 hours or even more sleeping. I would be happy and think I'm on the mend but then I go back to the "can't sleep" cycle.

I used to have a very healthy appetite, 3 good meals a day, usually a big breakfast, normal lunch, big dinner. Food in between meals too. Now I can get by just eating twice a day. A bowl of cereal in the morning then one meal at night. No snacks or anything in between. I've lost enough weight that I can see my face getting less round. My 11 year old son can consume twice what I'd eat during a meal.

At work, I'd have trouble concentrating. It'll be necessary to "check myself" every now and again. I'd ask myself "okay, what are we doing now? what have we done so far?" just to be sure I'm doing things right. As a nurse working in the perioperative theatre (pre-, intra-, and post-op), well, I'd be lucky if my mistake can be fixed by some liquid paper. One day, I got really bad --- I was being relieved for my break and the other nurse asked me if I had done my notes yet. I said "No, I'll do it really quickly before I go." I turn to the page for me to write my notes... and I've already written them. Fk! I hand over my patient, take my break, only to be approached in the staff room again within 5 minutes by the same nurse. Apparently, I had given the patient 2 drugs (I told her so) but I've only signed for one so she was asking me to double-check. Fk again! I said that I had indeed given both drugs, took the drug cardex and saw that I had not signed for the other drug.... and that I had signed for the first drug in the wrong manner. That was it. I approached my manager, told her what had happened, and went on sick leave again. On the previous year, September 2013, I had an issue with medication which was my very first incident and although it bothered me, I just thought I was having a rough patch. The possibility of it happening again, well, I didn't like it.

At home, I'd have trouble shutting off. I would like awake in bed for 4-6 hours. I've tried warm milk, warm baths, watching TV until I felt tired, reading a book until I felt tired, exercise during the day, exercise closer to bedtime, a bigger night-time meal.... nothing would work. I would also have trouble reading stuff; it would seem as if my mind would just turn off but my eyes would still keep going. After a few seconds, my mind would "wake up," I'd realize I'm now at a different spot in the page, but when I scan back, I would realize that I've gone over 2-3 paragraphs but I could not remember what they were about. I'd have to read a few lines (3-4 sentences) maybe 5 times before I would register what it said, it was as if my mind would wander mid-sentence. As a guy who has read tomes of nursing and medical material as well as even more pages of game manuals, sim manuals, how-to tips, game guides, this inability to do a simple task such as reading is very unsettling.

As far as hobbies go, well, I think it's been more than a year now since I've flown a flight sim seriously. I was waning in terms of participation with my online squadron around November 2013 and now it is December 2014. I've stopped flying BMS because I would only get annoyed and I did not want to taint the experience of something that has given me so much enjoyment. I've stopped playing tabletop wargaming as well. On the up-side, I've discovered new ways of spending my hobby time, but being unable to return to a hobby I've had for almost two decades.... I feel like I'm a different person altogether.

I'm very happy now to have discovered Elite: Dangerous. It has returned me to the ability to zombify myself in front of my PC again which is more of the "old me." I've been grasping at so many games, I would play them for a while and then lose interest. Even games such as Civilization: Beyond Earth and Wasteland could not keep my interest which is really odd since I've played the hell out of Civ 3, I have Civ 5, and I love the Fallout series (especially 1 and 2). I am beginning to be able to concentrate a little bit now (1-2, maybe 3 re-reads before I could grasp the written info), and I am back with creating stuff --- currently a voice-command profile for E:D. As evidence that I'm still struggling, I cannot finish stuff straight away. I could work on my voice-command profile for a while, then I'd have to do something else. Surf the web. Look at stupid random pictures. Write a post. Even when watching movies, I would pause a good few times in one movie, sometimes even watching parts of it on a Monday and a few more on Wednesday and then finish the whole thing on Friday or Saturday. Right now, I'm juggling working on my profile, watching a E:D YouTube video, watching a movie, and surfing the net and SimHQ.

I still cannot seem to shut off. The downside to being able to immerse myself in E:D and the associated mods is that now, my mind has even MORE things to keep it busy with.....




Thanks for reading. If these events sounds familiar, I would really like to hear your stories be it of yourself or of someone you know. I'd really like to know what happens afterwards and what you/they have done to cope with or even overcome this phase.

Thanks again!

Perhaps talk to your GP about getting a neuro-psychological testing/evaluation. At least to get a baseline from a psychological and cognitive standpoint. Rather than trying medication or counseling straight-away, it seems to me that you need a more in-depth diagnostic work-up.

Just my two cents.

I think a lot of what you describe is anecdotal of the sort of
changes one can expect around age 65 or so - I've heard lots of
similar complaints from people right around retirement age.
I am getting near there myself, now, and am beginning to see
similar things. I can't wait for retirement so I am relieved of
following a 24 hour day, when I seem to be needing something more
like 26 hours. And of course, the decay in mental skills also comes
with that territory. I first started noticing it getting in the
way of my standard routine probably around age 56; very minor then,
but annoying, having to start thinking about writing things down
to remember, which I'd never had to do before. And as someone noted
to me at the time, "it only gets worse", and he was regrettably
completely correct. What this may imply about your current condition
I don't know, but it is interesting that it is a similar suite of
conditions.

I do not mean to turn this into a political discussion, but your symptoms sound very much like what the media mogul Glenn Beck went through over the last ten years or so. Regardless of how you feel about the man, you should Google it and you might find some interesting insights. Here's something to get you started...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/10/glenn-beck-sick_n_6136884.html

Good luck my friend.

Just some thoughts that came to me while reading your post Ice; discard if my thought are off the mark.

Could this be a reaction to a prolonged period of stress for you? Did your GP talk about this?

I assume that your blood pressure has been checked and is ok?

Some of the symptoms sounds like you might be "burned-out" from a prolonged period of stress.

How do you feel about your job? Love it? Hate it?

Do you worry a lot?

I wouldn't worry about not being able to eat the same as you once did, or your kid. As long as you're not starving to death but get your neccesary calories and nutrients, it isn't a problem.

I don't know your age, weight and such, and perhaps some of my ideas aren't relevant to you, but generally I'd think that just about everyone should take care to;

Maintain very regular bed times, i.e. every night go to bed at the same time, every morning rise at the same time. Don't nap during the day if you feel sleepy but start some activity to get you awake again.

Stop looking at TV/Computer/phone screens a couple of hours before bedtime. They mess up your sleepcycle big time.

Reading a paperbook is ok.

Avoid physical excercise 3 - 4 hours before bedtime. You might initially feel sleepy, but once you awake in the middle of the night chances are you'll be wide awake the rest of the night.

Avoid large meals before bedtime. A full belly does not equate to a good rest, quite the opposite.

Check your use of coffe, alcohol and other stimulants.

Consider trying out yoga. It has a tendency to make people look inside themselves and on many occasions effect changes in their lives.

Best wishes and good luck mate.

I can only sleep 1-2 hours without waking up, usually due to a high adrenalin dream (not a nightmare). This has been going on for many years. The doc told me to fall asleep with nothing on my mind. It helps.

I put it down to working a lot of shift work, especially the graveyard shift, during my working life (messed with the natural sleep cycle) and not enough physical activity during the day to make me tired. Physical activity usually results in 4-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I am usually awake by 6:00AM.

I am retired.

you need to go seek an MD and get a complete medical evaluation - what you are describing can be symptoms of something more serious .

And you can and do sleep - every day, 7 days of the week , there is no such thing as ´I can´t sleep´ , what you are not getting is the quality sleep you need, that in itself is reason enough to go see an MD.

The brain's a funny organ. I went through a few episodes similar to yours in the not so distant past, though not line-by-line identical, but I thought it might be worth sharing anyway in case it's any help or comfort. It started for me about ten years ago when I made the transition from high school to college. I could never especially narrow down the cause, but coincidence of stress and alcohol (not sustained, just after the rare late night with friends or something) was a pretty sure trigger. I would wake up feeling quite anxious and panicked, but also disoriented, at its absolutely worst in the morning but subsiding into a sort of a paralyizing fuzzy fog in the later day.

My work experiences were a lot like yours; having to double, triple, or quadruple check jobs I had done to ensure that they were done right, to find I had either done them perfectly right the first time or had made a big mess of things. Doing a lot of heavy 'intellectual' work at my job with a lot of reading and writing involved, it was a very distressing experience. I also did not feel safe driving at all. Sleep was similarly a struggle; I would feel extremely exhausted in the evenings, like anytime after 7pm, but would always wake up very very early in a panic the morning, around 4 or 5am.

These episodes would last almost exactly a week each time, rarely sometimes as long as two weeks. I never bothered going to a doctor because I knew it would go away on its own with a little bit of time. However, doing research on the internet pointed me to two things, 'depersonalization disorder' and 'brain fog,' neither of which seem to be recognized clinical terms but describe the symptoms pretty well, so it was a bit comforting to hear of other people going through the same thing. You might want to Google these terms yourself to see what other people are talking about. One thing that also made a difference for me in the past was writing everything down; I kept a little diary to record everything I was feeling each day as I was going through this, which helped reassure me as I could track my progress and see myself getting better on paper. Perhaps that kind of record-keeping might also be valuable to show to doctors or counselling if you do go back down that route.

Anyway, none of us are doctors, but I think everything that McGonigle says, especially about burnout, stress, and worry, is pretty important. In that sense, it might be helpful in that sense to look at your external stimuli and how you are handling them personally. Juggling coursework, finances, and personal life in college was very exhausting for me and resulted in a lot of anxiety. But, after I moved abroad two and a half years ago, I've only experienced this twice and not at all in the last year, whereas before it would be once every month or two. This is completely anecdotal, but my approaches to stress changed quite a bit going abroad; I'm on my own here so it's a more sink-or-swim situation, and I feel quite a bit more confident than I ever did in college. For me, I think that made a difference.

Hope you get it figured out soon.

Have you heard of sleep apnoea, that can cause the effects you have described?

Sleep Apnoea

I too was going to suggest sleep aponea. Sleeping without taking in the correct amount of oxygen does affect the body. Any night sweats?

I had a similar situation a few years back.
Stay away from stimulates like tea coffee fizzy drinks also its been proven computer games stimulate the mind so don't play near bed time. You will get through this good luck I know its hard but the more you worry about not sleeping the harder it will be to Sleep. some times a chance of scenery works wonders maybe a holiday
I would also recommend some form of physical exercise a long walk a few hours before bed time worked for me.

Maybe your insomnia has a more mundane reason: too much exposure to artificial light, and too much activities in front of a computer screen?

Try staying off from any computer and TV screen for a while. The blueish part of the emitted light can inhibit the production of Melatonin (from Serotonin).

If you can't, at least try not to use PC, TV, smartphone/tablets for at least 30 minutes before your bedtime. Dim the lights, listen to some relaxing music instead, maybe in a hot tub? Stay away from coffee and (green/ black) tea for a while.

Try getting back into a regular sleep cycle. Have you tried using Melatonin?

Have you considered an outdoor activity as a hobby? Hiking, cycling, running?

Yup, especially games that pose strategic/ tactical problems to the gamer. Like the Total War games.

I remember some restless nights when the game invaded my dreams and where I tried to solve tactical problems.

I sometimes have problems sleeping/staying asleep for several days in a row, but I've never had it this bad.

When I'm "in the zone" writing code, I can't always turn it off. Brain becomes a compiler, testing pseudo-code while I'm trying to sleep. If I'm trying to solve a problem (which is all the time), I'll wake up in the middle of the night thinking about a possible solution and have to get up to test it.

Wife at 2:30 AM: "Where you going?"
Me: "Dog is bugging me, gonna let'um out."

30 min. later, wife wakes up to barking dogs (to be let back in), walks into office room in foul mood while I'm typing.


I try to shut it down by 9 PM and then jump on the treadmill with good tunes for an hour (although I didn't know late evening exercise can have a negative effect). Usually I take a hot shower afterward, I think that helps with shutting down. It really helps when she joins you.

I know a clean bed and clean dogs are crucial for good sleep if you let dogs sleep in the bed with you (gotta keep up with baths and vacuuming hairs).

The way you describe feeling when you wake up sounds like sleep apnea. I know I often stop breathing many times during the night, causing that.
It does sound like some depression has set it, but then not sleeping well can cause you to feel that way too. Kind of a chicken or the egg problem.

Helps me to have tv off and read. Either a book or a regular Kindle, not a backlit tablet.
Of course, most docs will say to bring in some exercise too, but I end up with restless leg after going riding, which doesn't help. LOL
I rarely sleep through the night though, usually waking up every couple of hours.

I'd schedule your Elite time better (including youtube and discussion forums). Even for adults, that stimulation can keep your brain going longer than you spend playing the game. Even if the late gaming nights are limited.
Picking up any new hobby can do that, it's exciting and why we like it. We don't recover as quickly and easily from that stimulation as we get older though, or so I suspect.

Thanks for the replies guys.

Unfortunately for me, getting specialist care here seems to be much harder than pulling teeth. I will keep that testing advice in mind though.

Sleep apnoea - That has been discussed before, but wouldn't that just interfere with my actual sleep? My biggest problem is GETTING sleep. Once I'm out, I'm out. There are times wherein I'd wake myself with a really loud snore, but that's rare and far in between. Plus I'm not too keen on looking like Darth Vader.... not unless the wife agrees to get some Star Wars sheets!!

@ PV1 - what are you trying to say, dude?? I'm 32 years old, thankyouverymuch! If I were nearer retirement age, then I wouldn't worry so much about it but I'm not so the age excuse is something I can't use.

@ Tom - I do apologize, yes, I can sleep. It's just of very poor quality that I'm not really rested afterwards. I have gone more than 48 hours without a wink on occasion, but that's maybe only a handful of times. I am a bit worried about the tone of your post though. Do you have any idea of what that "something more serious" could be?

@ fatty - thanks for sharing, man. It really helps knowing I'm not the only one.

@ Jayhawk - my exposure to artificial light has not been any more than it has been before. In fact, I'd get more exposure when I'm off sick, but I still can't sleep properly. I've even tried some relaxation/meditation stuff only to go through the entire thing without sleeping. It is very relaxing though, but I wasn't able to doze off.

Stress - yeah, I've realized (from talking to the counsellors) that I've been in stress since I moved to the UK. New place, new job, instability, etc. It's been "low-grade" but it's been constant. Burn out, worry, work stress, all those terms have been used.

Stimulants - I'm just drink softdrinks and only during meals and sometimes during gaming sessions. I might try coffee though --- ironically, I feel sleepy after coffee! Aside from softdrinks (Coke, mainly), I only drink juice and water.

I know it's controversial, and it may not even be an option in the UK or with your job; but have you looked into medical marijuana?
A few years ago I was having similar problems - I had a hard time falling asleep; and when I did, I would have crazy dreams and constantly toss/turn and wake up throughout the night. After a few months it started to affect my life and I started getting depressed, not eating, not getting to work on time, etc.

I went to the doctor and they wanted to put me on some kind of meds with terrible side effects; or use medicinal pot. I choose the marijuana, and all my sleeping problems went away. I was able to fall right to sleep and stay asleep, eat, and I was waking up with 10x more energy instead of just laying in bed and taking 20-30 minutes to actually wake up.

Just a suggestion

JoeyJoJo, I'm tempted to move to Colorado now! For health reasons, of course.

If you haven't, push the chair away from the computer and make a temporary stand up desk. When you sit down for prolong periods, your body may be attempting to sleep but you're too stimulated to shut down.

That explains a lot. Things go south after about 30, or at least work differently. Sleep is different, your diet works differently with your body even if you haven't altered it, things start to get a little sore that didn't before, you might develop allergies you've never had...
Not saying there's nothing you can do, but that much of it may just be the normal progression we take. You still have to deal with things and have to find what works for you, but don't feel like it's just you and that you're falling apart while everyone else goes on as normal.
You may find your regular doctor using phrases like "As we age..." when he/she explains things now. LOL
Hang in there, try some suggestions in this thread. Cut back on night time gaming. You'll figure out some things that help.