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#3292690 - 05/11/11 11:56 PM United Nations to intervine on COD dispute  
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digger52 Offline
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It will be announced in the next 24 hours that the securiy council will intervene on the escalating crisis that is COD.

There are growing concerns that with the impending release into the USA, that this could be the tipping point into global conflict. Skrmishes have already been reported in Europe, Russia , Australia and elsewhere.

Quoted from the secretary general
"Forces are alligning across the globe between the red shirts ( so called Winners) and the blue shirts ( fanboys) and we haven't seen such conflict , refugees fleeing forums, and collateral damage since the release of ROF or the grand conflict over whether wings of prey is worthy for the sim community or its just junk food for the masses"

Observers are concerned that with the litigation style of the USA, a release such of COD in its current form, through digital distribution could mean that buyers , unable to deal with such a flawed product could take the conflict nuclear.

The Red Cross however are calling for calm and pointing out that ROF, Armed Assault and many others launched with significant faults which were not only fixed but then became Icons in the darkness of the Sim world.

The Pope, in trying to calm the situation is quoted as saying " Peace be with you all, do as I did and shelve it for 40 days and 40 nights , and seek simple enjoyment , go back to strikefighters and The NATO fighter mod)

We await to see further developments popcorn

Inline advert (2nd and 3rd post)

#3292694 - 05/12/11 12:03 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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timholt Offline
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Absolutely brilliant, are you a documentary script writer perchance?

#3292695 - 05/12/11 12:04 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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digger52 Offline
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digger52  Offline
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no just recently retired and bored

#3292732 - 05/12/11 12:59 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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Toonsis Offline
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The UN is here to help, now we are totally screwed

#3292740 - 05/12/11 01:13 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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Tiger27 Offline
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thumbsup


III/JG11_Tiger
#3292741 - 05/12/11 01:13 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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digger52 Offline
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breaking news from the united nations

"today the SimHQ moderators for the COD forum are giving evidence which may stop this conflict from escalating further".

Outside masses of red shirts and blue shirts clash , tear gas is used to break up the fighting. Placards on the red shirt side read "bring back nuggetx" whereas the blueshirts placards have freycinet with a halo over his head.

In the CNN studio, Bill Gates comments " I dont get it, its not even released in the US yet so how do all these protesters know what they are protesting about". At this point the cameraman takes off a shoe and throws at Bill Gates and yells "Dont you talk, you gave us Vista!!!!!!!!!!"

On wall street , shares in NVidia and AMD/ ATI have jumped at it has been revealed that sales of their high end video cards have skyrocked in countries where COD has been released

NVidia spokesman is reported as saying "It's pure coincidence and those conspiracy theorists dont know what they are talking about, every new release of a sim follows Moores Law, look what happened when Crysis was released". The reporter then pointed out Crysis wasnt a Sim, to which the spokesman replied, "yes it was it simulated an alien invasion, magic suit, North Korean cant shoot straight combat sim. Get your facts right".

Meanwhile NATO has now bought into the conflict. COD is from the old eastern bloc and its a plant to create civil unrest in the western alliance. The british members are trully upset " where is the battle of britian!!!. And those russians have porked the spitfire flight model. Total disrespect to the RAF.

The Russian government is taken aback " hang on , we just released DCS Warthog to rave reviews, and our customer service ensured everyone knew the development cycle of beta purchases to final release. Blame the French, dont they own ubisoft, are they part of NATO!!!"

In trying to calm matters, the secretary general asks the Sim community for help.

"TK could you make a EAW2 , that would please the masses"

TK replies," bugger that , i've started on a new Cold War goes hot campaign set in 2011 thanks to COD. It will be great, NATO attacks Russia, then collapses as the Brits and Germans bomb Ubisoft headquaters for payback. The only problem is the plane set for the brits as due to their defense cutbacks all you get is the eurofighter and hawk and a cessna armed with a rifle".

THe SG turns to Jason and asked what about a WW2 sim based on the ROF engine
" yes thats possible but why bother, no consumer base, by the time its finished Europe will be a smoking crater, thats how TK's campaigns always end if you lose"

A chill then goes through the room as a call comes from the Australian prime minister .

Julia's twang pieces the ears of all present

"G'day, I think I can help. TK you can have 2 squadrons of RAAF F18's to add to your campaign,NATO wins, that will help me devert attention from our carbon tax and budget, we all win!!"

The SG then receives another call , its from an independent developer. "We are worried as we are developing Jet Thunder, a Sim of the airware for the falklands war and are worried this will set off conflict again between the brits and the argies".

At that point the Secretary General is seen running from the room, screaming " we have got it all wrong, its the sim community we have to eliminate if we want world peace".

Unfortunately this comment was mis-interpreted and everyone around the world with the Sims 1, 2, and 3 was rounded up and sent to the new gulags where an enterprising russian software developer was seen to be recruiting for ................

#3292744 - 05/12/11 01:15 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: Toonsis]  
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Biggles07 Offline
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Newcastle Upon Tyne, England.
'Kofi Annan ate my Hamster' claimed enraged 1c Chief Ilya Shevchenko today in an emotional outburst.

Mr Annan has strenuously denied the allegation, while also moving to quash rumours of involvement in Ubisoft Pension fund embezzlement.


"I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals".

Sir Winston Churchill
#3292752 - 05/12/11 01:31 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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Ajay Offline
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The United Abominations will be calling in Megadeths front man Dave Mustaine to settle the dispute with a trial by Metal.Dave's opinion will not enter into it as he says he can run it fine on his personal Cray XT5.




My il2 page
Seelowe Campaign
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My Models
Tanks/Planes/Ships


#3292769 - 05/12/11 01:55 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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Toonsis Offline
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Orange County, New York
Oil for food for a sim

#3292796 - 05/12/11 02:53 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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Dart Offline
Measured in Llamathrusts
Dart  Offline
Measured in Llamathrusts
Lifer

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Alabaster, AL USA
EU representatives, speaking on condition of anonymity, are struggling to come up with a long term plan to deal with the issue.

"Normally the flow of diplomacy and action is clear," he said, "First we blame the USA for not getting involved and showing a lack of leadership. Then we accuse them of not involving us enough and showing leadership in their decisions. Normally we follow up with complaints the Americans aren't actually doing enough, which forces them into action. This leaves us the perfect opportunity to distance ourselves of the whole mess, say we never agreed with any of it, and then castigate the Americans, scapegoating them for anything that has gone wrong.

"It's worked since the end of WWII - demand they do the heavy lifting and then blame them for having strong shoulders - but this time it's just not panning out."

"With this sim's release in Europe through the Russian-French compact of cooperation without any input from the USA at all, we're stymied on how to proceed on an official level."


The opinions of this poster are largely based on facts and portray a possible version of the actual events.

More dumb stuff at http://www.darts-page.com

From Laser:
"The forum is the place where combat (real time) flight simulator fans come to play turn based strategy combat."
#3292851 - 05/12/11 04:55 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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bisher Offline
I'll be your Huckleberry
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ha ha that's some pretty witty stuff, great reads!

#3292971 - 05/12/11 09:22 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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falstaff Offline
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'The game itself has been decided upon as the official place of moderation.

However, due to unforeseen problems with the aforementioned buildings having few working portals (doors) and the builders forgetting to put in place the usual apertures (windows), and there being a shortage of walls, and only a limited number of chairs (some of which lack the requisite number of legs and other fixtures and fittings) it has been decided to hold said conference somewhere else for the time being.

It is believed the builders have asked for further investment before the building can be completed, and prior plans for doors and windows fully implemented.

However, Health and Safety executives have noticed that a large number of people have been seen jumping from the roof and causing serious injury to those below (and themselves, it is believed).

Unconfirmed reports have told of a man apparently lost deep inside the building, unable to get out, but heard to repeat the phrase 'haters and whiners' on a regular basis. The interval is currently believed to be approximately 4 seconds at present. Fire crews have been instructed to stand by, though are currently assessing the best means of entering the building to effect a rescure, made more difficult by the absence of doors and windows.

We wish them well. One fire-fighter was heard to speak approvingly to a colleague about the shadows present at the site.

The voice inside the building is still heard to say 'haters and whiners' at an interval of approximately 3.9999 seconds. Some scientists are assessing the possibility that it is in fact a machine or voice-recording, and attempting to determine the battery life.

Current delegates may be interested to note that a similar recording of this voice and the phrase 'haters and whiners' can be heard online on a computer forum, SimHQ. Scentists believe it is also repeated there at similar intervals.

We thank you for your patience. It is hoped the doors and windows and walls can be completed at some point in the future, before the death of the investors, and the parent star of their planet. At present, although remote, this latter solar and stellar aspect represents a resonably serious threat to the completion of the project.

Ben

#3293028 - 05/12/11 11:51 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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timholt Offline
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timholt  Offline
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Adelaide, Australia
Jesus Digger, you may be responsible for starting WWIII.

Ex army perchance?

#3293813 - 05/13/11 12:52 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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digger52 Offline
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digger52  Offline
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Hi Tim,

No just worked in technical and governance in the food and beverage for over 30 years so have seen my fair share of product launch failures where marketing want the product out now, technical say its not ready, gets launched , consumer issues then governance have to step in and clean up the mess. I was the highest paid "toilet cleaner" you can imagine.

Just needed to inject some humour into the CLOD debate.

Each side has good intentions but we all lose sight of the fact its only a game. Try project managing a SAP implementation. burnout

#3293835 - 05/13/11 01:14 AM Re: United Nations to intervine on COD dispute [Re: digger52]  
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timholt Offline
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timholt  Offline
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Adelaide, Australia
20 years in the Navy (RAN) (63 to 83, so I can relate to government issues.


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