Cabbie picks up Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks why he is staring.

He replies, "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.
I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well let's see what we can do about that: #!, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I am a Catholic!"

"OK" the Nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the Nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I have sinned. I lied and I must confess: I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The Nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party!"

EWW! LOL!

two men come up to a convent and knock on the door. One of the nuns answers. The first guy says "pardon me sister, are there any short nuns here?"

She asks how short.

He answers ' pretty short, about 4 feet tall".

She says that there are no nuns here that short.

He asks well what about anywhere in the Diocese.

She says she doesn't know of any but that she would get the Mother Superior since she has more knowledge.

The Mother Superior comes to the door and the man seems a bit frantic and asks her if she knows any real short nuns.

The Mother answers that she doesn't.

The man is now clearly in distress and asks could there be any nuns that are that short in any of the convents.

The second man then puts his hand on the first guys shoulder and says "c'mon, lets stop bothering them. I told you; you got so drunk last night that you f#cked a penguin."

Nice I needed that!

v6,
boNes

the first one is priceless

Well thanks Archie.

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 km'.

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign that says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 8 km' and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right' his curiosity gets the better of him and he pulls into the drive.

On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door saying, 'Sisters of Mercy'.

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you, my son?'

He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.'

'Very well, my son. Please follow me.'

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'

He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup.

This nun instructs, 'Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.'

He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.

He then trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another small sign.

'Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.'

Good one Legend.


Wheels

Two Irish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other,

"I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."

As they sit, they hear a push cart vendor yell "Get your dogs here".

They both walk towards the hot dog cart. "Two dogs, please! ," says one.

The vendor is very pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over.

Excited, the nuns hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their 'dogs'.

The mother superior is first to open hers. She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans to the other nun and whispers cautiously,

"What part did you get?

sorry mate...I just thought the first one was really funny

the other ones were pretty good but the first one was priceless

nah, that's quite alright. I was just poking back at you.

Bill, does have the best jokes doesn't he ?