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#2998777 - 04/21/10 09:39 AM The Secrets to Crappy Game Design....  
Joined: Oct 1999
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Robert Murphy Offline
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Robert Murphy  Offline
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Seattle, WA
(I'll try and keep this sim-focused.)

1. Be sure and have readily regenerating enemies. (Not realistic as well as frustrating for the player.)

2. Please the Console Kiddies by having not having game saves, but 'save points.' And be sure and space these far apart as players just LOVE doing the same thing from square one again and again.

3. After the player has exhausted precious free time to complete the mission, make one stupid trivial goal a barrier to finishing it. And make sure it's far back and well hidden.

4. After, despite all, the player has, against all odds, succeeded, make sure there is a sudden new goal nearly impossible to achieve with his diminished forces. (See #1.)

Anyone care to add to the list?

Robert


"I would never allow any man to drag me so low as to hate him."

--Benjamin Disraeli

Send any and all hate-mail and death threats to: rmurphy4949@yahoo.com
Inline advert (2nd and 3rd post)

#2998820 - 04/21/10 12:27 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Robert Murphy]  
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Catfish Offline
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Where the ocean meets the sky
...

5. Make an online requirement necessary to run it at all - only high speed DSL.

5.a) Do not start or make any server work, up to 4 weeks after publishing the game, so no one is able to play the sim at all.
5.b) let the servers break down regularly, after this initial time.
5.c) screw up login information, so the player will not be able to play it with an official paid-for account, should the servers work.

6. Save the games online, so the user will lose progress regularly. Use synchronization (this will screw it up best)

7. Make the player pay for every new item/idea/object in the sim.

8. Let the sim be developed by "the community", and don't care about bugs and errors when the sim is being published.

9. Connnect the user information in a way to the game, that he will not be able to sell it.

10. Call all this crap "DRM" and laugh loudly, and publicly, about the customers who were dumb enough to buy it.


You say this already exists ?

Greetings,
Catfish

Last edited by Catfish; 04/21/10 12:27 PM.
#2998831 - 04/21/10 12:46 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Robert Murphy]  
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PanzerMeyer Offline
Pro-Consul of Florida
PanzerMeyer  Offline
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Originally Posted By: Robert Murphy


Anyone care to add to the list?

Robert



1. Not including a save game feature for multiplayer missions even though some of these missions can take several hours to complete. Yes, I'm looking at you Dangerous Waters.

2. Leaving out Direct IP connection for no good reason except to force the gamer to use whatever crappy match-making service is in the game. (ie Gamespy).

3. Games where increasing the difficulty level simply means that enemies can hurt you faster and your hurt them slower. What ever happened to using REAL artificial intelligence?


“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
#2998855 - 04/21/10 01:20 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: PanzerMeyer]  
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Bill_Grant Offline
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* Create a Multiplayer Interface that is so complex, confusing, and frustrating that your customer considers using a melon-baller to remove his left eye rather than attempt to join online one more time...

* Create a Multiplayer Interface that tells you nothing about the servers that are available, what mods they are running, what game they are running, etc.

* Leave out Cooperative Play. Instead focus on Deathmatch, Team Deathmatch, Global Assault Deathmatch, Free-for-all Deathmatch, King-of-the-Deathmatch, and the every popular Cheatfest Deathmatch.

* Make any perks to your game only available by forcing your one-eyed player thru more multiplayer deathmatch games.


~Bill

In my defense, I was left unsupervised...
#2998858 - 04/21/10 01:21 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: PanzerMeyer]  
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Clydewinder Offline
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1. Make the control setup difficult to use and require restarting the game every time you change an axis or button assignment.

2. Make a series of patches that have to be installed incrementally resulting in multiple gigabytes of patch downloading.


Robots are stealing my luggage.
#2998867 - 04/21/10 01:38 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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Recluse Offline
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Originally Posted By: Bill_Grant



* Leave out Cooperative Play. Instead focus on Deathmatch, Team Deathmatch, Global Assault Deathmatch, Free-for-all Deathmatch, King-of-the-Deathmatch, and the every popular Cheatfest Deathmatch.



  • If you DO decide to implement Cooperative Play, By all means limit the number of players to 2 or 4 since you know that simmers don't have m(any) friends anyway.

  • Remove or cripple the Multiplayer COOP Respawn process (because if you can't hack it, you should all die and have to start over)

  • Don't allow Private/Password protected servers for COOP games, because it is more fun if random people you don't know jump in to the pitifully few slots when you are trying to get your friends in (see item 1)



Last edited by Recluse; 04/21/10 01:39 PM.

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#2998891 - 04/21/10 02:27 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Recluse]  
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semmern Offline
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Oslo, Norway
- Squeeze every last drop out of a brand name/franchise, with the later games in the series having NO connection to the original brand other than by name. Make said games extremely arcady and crappy, but with flashy graphics to please the 14-year-olds in the target group. I.e. Tom Clancy's this and that. Last really good TC game was Rainbow Six 3.

- Make a game out of a movie. Nuff said.


In all my years I've never seen the like. It has to be more than a hundred sea miles and he brings us up on his tail. That's seamanship, Mr. Pullings. My God, that's seamanship!
#2998895 - 04/21/10 02:33 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: semmern]  
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oldgrognard Offline
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Lifer

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- make sure the updates cause new and greater problems and/or conflict with hardware that was fine until the update installed.


Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

Someday your life will flash in front of your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.
#2998898 - 04/21/10 02:37 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Robert Murphy]  
Joined: Apr 2001
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PanzerMeyer Offline
Pro-Consul of Florida
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- Make it impossible to skip past the one billion splash screens before the game's main menu comes up.

**Points finger at Borderlands**


“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
#2998901 - 04/21/10 02:40 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: PanzerMeyer]  
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semmern Offline
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semmern  Offline
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- Make savegames from previous versions incompatible after patching.


In all my years I've never seen the like. It has to be more than a hundred sea miles and he brings us up on his tail. That's seamanship, Mr. Pullings. My God, that's seamanship!
#2998902 - 04/21/10 02:41 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: PanzerMeyer]  
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Patrocles Offline
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* make sure your beta testers (fanboiszz are best for these tests) treat your game as gospel and will defend your design decisions to the death!

* design your game for console with PC version as an afterthought.


Animal Mother > Rambo+ChuckNorris
#2998983 - 04/21/10 05:07 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Recluse]  
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kaa Offline
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France
Laugh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Anyone can shoot you down if you don't see him coming but it takes a wonderfully good Hun to bag a Camel if you're expecting him."
Tom Cundall.
#2999005 - 04/21/10 05:49 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: kaa]  
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Dart Offline
Measured in Llamathrusts
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Lifer

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Alabaster, AL USA
Nothing says "we're creative" than having the level pitch black, giving the player a pitiful flashlight (or like in Doom3, no way to use a flashlight and a weapon at the same time), and have monsters spawn and attack two feet from the player.

Call this "suspenseful."


The opinions of this poster are largely based on facts and portray a possible version of the actual events.

More dumb stuff at http://www.darts-page.com

From Laser:
"The forum is the place where combat (real time) flight simulator fans come to play turn based strategy combat."
#2999021 - 04/21/10 06:07 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Dart]  
Joined: Apr 2001
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PanzerMeyer Offline
Pro-Consul of Florida
PanzerMeyer  Offline
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Originally Posted By: Dart
Nothing says "we're creative" than having the level pitch black, giving the player a pitiful flashlight (or like in Doom3, no way to use a flashlight and a weapon at the same time), and have monsters spawn and attack two feet from the player.



And dont forget the novel use of "monster closets". wink


“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
#2999058 - 04/21/10 07:08 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: PanzerMeyer]  
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,060
Robert Murphy Offline
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Robert Murphy  Offline
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Seattle, WA
Excellent feedback Bros; I only hope some game designers read this thread.
I have but one thing to add: 'Tell me about it!!!' ;-)

Robert


"I would never allow any man to drag me so low as to hate him."

--Benjamin Disraeli

Send any and all hate-mail and death threats to: rmurphy4949@yahoo.com
#2999069 - 04/21/10 07:33 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Robert Murphy]  
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Bill_Grant Offline
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Bill_Grant  Offline
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Robert, have you ever had the pleasure of RB6 Vegas 2 online?
I remember a few nights where 4 of us, on Teamspeak, with 100s of online game hours between us, are cussing out loud and scratching our butts with the free hand trying to figure out the proper decoder key sequence that allows you to join a game. Dear Lord! The moron that wrote that interface obviously a) never actually tried it online b) never had any input from anyone else on "Does this suck?" and c) must have used a cane and a service dog to leave his cubicle to get to the bus stop.

Or the joy of the Clickfest that is the OFP:Dragon Rising?

Example of interface:

Multiplayer Game? [Click]
On the Internet? [Click]
Right now? [Click]
Sure? [Click]
User Name? [Click]
Password? [Click]
Save it? [Click]
Are you sure? [Click]
You are connected to the Internet. Click Yes to continue. [Click]
Single Deathmatch, Team Deathmatch, Lonewolf Deathmatch, Coop? [Click]
It appears you picked Coop? Didn't you want Team Deathmatch? [Click]
Are you sure? [Click]
Etc....

Recluse can tell you, by the time you FINALLY get to the game, some schlub that no one knows, FearMeDeathGodSprayMaster has taken the last spot on your no-password server. Aughhhh!


~Bill

In my defense, I was left unsupervised...
#2999072 - 04/21/10 07:35 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Robert Murphy]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 121,384
PanzerMeyer Offline
Pro-Consul of Florida
PanzerMeyer  Offline
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LMAO Bill. I'm so glad I never bothered buying OFP: Dragon Rising.


“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
#2999087 - 04/21/10 08:00 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Bill_Grant]  
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 1,060
Robert Murphy Offline
Member
Robert Murphy  Offline
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Seattle, WA
Laughing right along With Panzer Bill. Thanks for the Heads up! That's one game I will definitely pass on.

Cheers,

Robert


"I would never allow any man to drag me so low as to hate him."

--Benjamin Disraeli

Send any and all hate-mail and death threats to: rmurphy4949@yahoo.com
#2999099 - 04/21/10 08:16 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: Robert Murphy]  
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PFunk Offline
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Allow 'the community' to finish, flesh out, or add all the crap in your game that you should have done.

pfunk


"A little luck & a little government is necessary to get by, but only a fool places his complete trust in either one." - PJ O'Rourke

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#2999105 - 04/21/10 08:24 PM Re: The Secrets to Crappy Game Design.... [Re: PFunk]  
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PanzerMeyer Offline
Pro-Consul of Florida
PanzerMeyer  Offline
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Miami, FL USA
Originally Posted By: PFunk
Allow 'the community' to finish, flesh out, or add all the crap in your game that you should have done.

pfunk


To me this is one of the worst recent trends to develop. Not to mention any names but recently some WWI flight sim was released with I think 4 flyable planes so that other planes could be released later on at an extra cost.

No thanks. I'm not so gullible.

Last edited by PanzerMeyer; 04/21/10 08:25 PM.

“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
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