Good read with my coffee, Lou - those are the frays when a pilot could fall;
it would all end from one moment to the next; but we don't think about ANYthing in the future -
even if that future is only minutes ahead - we only act and react, here and now.
I had such fights and I know how you felt.
Only now, back home and in a hospital bed, the thinking may set in.
Perhaps someone can provide you with some good whisky, or at least an easy-reading book.

Vice-President of the BOC (Barmy OFFers Club)
Member of the 'Albatros Aviators Club' - "We know how to die with Style!"