Folks,

Dux......:)

I no longer yearn to open the over-sized gift. The one all wrapped up in crimson and gilt that has somehow managed to make its way under our tree. There is a card affixed stating that it is for me and that I must not open it until Christmas. No matter what may be inside it will pale in comparison to the gift you have given me this morning. The gift of deep, satisfying laughter and glee. Thank you for that, Sir. A merry Christmas to you.

IMHO anyone dum...stu...idi....brave enough to tackle Olga in her lair deserves a large and shiny medal...most likely posthumous. And one must also be much impressed by Olga and her unerring ability to meet out justice and a terrible retribution to any and all who may have the misfortune to offend her. Whatta woman!

With that in mind, at this very moment there is wending its way, by a specially chartered DC3, a large cardboard container, in plain brown paper warping. Inside, Olga will find one pair of ' Big Bertha' German combat bloomers size uber, uber and one 'Big Bertha' brand bustenhalter of the same immense size.

They were hand made under water by Gypsies and are constructed of the strongest, most durable Bavarian mule hide. The bloomers use stays made from the ribs of the same mule and it is claimed that they have an amazing slimming effect....for the mule that is. Other fancy frills include various hooks, snaps and clasps all made of heavy cast iron. Yes, it does sound girlishly fashionable does it not?

Knowing how your heroine is prone to proudly wear any new undies on the outside of her uniform, especially on high holy days of the Orthodox church, I'm sure everyone, both male and female, will be more than impressed. Along with the parcel, her younger German sister Ilsa, who is still living here in America, sends her love. The parcel will arrive C.O.D. of course. Please stand by for its immediate arrival at Studley Grange field ETA five minutes from now.