Folks,

Dux, C51:

Awww come on fellows, have a heart. I'll have you know that was in fact my hard won Prince Albert Medal for Bravery Above and or Behind the Lines. And gentlemen it had Hymie's tag on it only because Olga swiped and pawned it so I had to buy it back and at quite a tariff too I might add. It brings me to tears just thinking about it...How could you accuse me of....of... pardon me while I get a hanky.

As far as the IOUs are concerned I'm willing to forget my debts if you are willing to pay yours. Now that sounds more than fair to me Lads. After all, this promises to be a harrowing mission fellows. No one should expect to return at all unless it is in a very small match box labeled "Last Recognizable Remains". No indeed, and not because of the enemy crowding Mademoiselle de Lucez's place either, although they will surely be ummmm 'stiff' opposition.

Men we can easily handle the spook stuff and the military stuff with no trouble at all. What worries me most of all, what causes me to have the brown ring twitches, what caused me to suck the seat cushion right up where the sun don't shine just thinking about it, is using Olga's nail file to open that safe. Really. The last time I 'borrowed' something of Olga's she tracked me down all the way to North Africa where I was disguised as an SS goggle polisher first class for none other than Field Marshal Rommel himself.

I was just about to pilfer the Axis plans for a surprise attack on the British lines indicating where, when and even how they would be using their 88s as tank killers for the first time when Olga stormed into the tent, shouted "Heil Myself!", gave Rommel a big juicy smooch right on that huge fever blister of his and dragged me screaming out into the desert.

Hell Dux, if she hadn't stepped on that land minen I'd still be out there. Stepping on that explosive didn't seem to cause her any damage. It just made her so angry that she ran around stomping on and exploding every other minen she could find. In all the smoke and sand that was blowing around I made my escape to the British lines. Alas without the actual plans no one believed my story and there was a terrible battle. Fortunately although the battle was a complete surprise and those murderous 88s took a horrible toll on our Honeys and Churchills the destroyed minen had not been replaced and our troops were able to rush in and capture Romel's headquarters plus his plans for some future battles.

That in fact was how I received my coveted PAMBABL, pinned upon my dusty tunic by none other than the Sub, Sub Vice Commander for Dashedly Difficult Duties himself. That's right, it was a rather swishey Noel Coward dressed as Montbatten. I have never been so proud.

Alas when his headquarters fell Rommel was no where to be seen. It is rumored that he showed up three days later near the Africa Corps front lines. His uniform was in tatters, he needed a shave, he had a miserable hangover and the poor, delirious man mumbled over and over an unbelievable story about a huge and insatiably horny Russian woman, a case of Vodka and a large donkey. Wait, maybe it was an insatiably horney donkey and a large Russian woman with a case of vodka....

Whatever it may have been, no more for me thanks. We'll just use dynamite.