Folks,

Dux:

That old fellow went out doing what he loved to do...can any of us wish for more? Sorry your own quest went unfulfilled. Ahhhh, but methinks it is like chasing after a woman that, on closer inspection turns out to be ugly...it is the thrill of the chase that brings the most pleasure. Is that not so? Speaking of looking for something hard to spot...

File this one under "Snake in the Grass"

My wife has RADAR. Snake RADAR that is. Do not dispute me, I know it is true. She can spot a snake at 100 yards at midnight with no moon. If she woke me out of a sound sleep in the middle of the night with 3 feet of snow on the ground and told me she sensed there was a snake in our back yard, I'd have to believe her.

I was busy preparing the tea for our lunch this morning as I said 'bye' to my Lady who was going out the back door on her way to church. It seemed only seconds when she burst back into the kitchen waving her arms about, shaking all over, all out of breath, and shouting something mostly incoherent that sounded more like she had just been attacked by a huge snake than anything else. I dropped the scalding water in the sink and rushed out the door with my nearly catatonic wife following along behind me at what I noticed to be a fairly long distance.

I grabbed up the garden shovel and went looking for something that surely must be as big as an cow and as deadly dangerous as a cobra. I was amazed to find nothing at all. Finally, in desperation at my unbelievable inability to see the offending creature, my terrified wife crept up the 200 or so yards to where I was standing and whispered.... Honey, he's right over there... but I think he's....he's already dead....?

OK, a live and deadly snake is one thing to get excited about and a totally dead one is quite another. I am not afraid of snakes, I never have been. I reserve my right to scream and hide behind my wife's skirts for the eight-legged variety of danger that makes webs and drops silently into your wide open mouth at night when you're snoring....I just know they do this, don't ask me how. Anyway a snake I can see holds no danger for me, it is the one in the grass (sometimes the two-legged variety) that I cannot see that will get my pulse elevated.

I walked slowly over to the precise spot where my agitated wife continued to point. Hell, if I'd known the woman was such a good pointer I'd have been taking her hunting with me years ago. All I saw was what appeared to be something whitish about the size of a large shoelace laying quietly in the grass.

On very close inspection, I recognized it as a harmless garter snake, now completely and most sincerely defunct. I suppose it was killed by one of the cats and deposited there. The hapless thing was lying on his back just covered in ants. I knew better than to leave it there unless I wanted my wife to stay inside for days until the tiny carcass completely rotted away, so I scooped it up with the shovel and threw it over the garden wall. Tranquility restored.

I like snakes. They kill vermin and mostly stay out of your way if they can. Even the most poisonous varieties, and there aren't many of those around here, will leave you alone unless you corner them. My wife is deathly afraid of them. The sight of the word 'snake' printed on a sheet of paper gives her the shivers. It is the snakes that are in real danger of course and not us. So far, in our 36 years of marriage, and counting 1 this morning, the score is People 25 Snakes Zip. Nonetheless if a snake is spotted, I have to kill the poor creature. It is far easier to get another snake than a new wife.

Better luck next time Dux. If I recall correctly there is a Humber River near our Canadian pal's house. No, I'm just barley bright enough to realize they aren't the same rivers Dux.