Folks,

Dux:

Unfortunately the skies above Iraq are now filled with molten iron, assorted aircraft parts and spent uranium rounds, therefore there is a noticeable dearth of bird activity in that region. For your convenience and safety, the un-guided birding trips have now been moved to a more appropriate and safer venue. Lucky you Pal. We got a real deal from a chap named Osama who runs several 1 3/4 star hotels in both Afghanistan and Pakistan. On first glance they seemed on the satellite photos to be just caves however we have been assured that they have all the amenities. You are booked for three days and one night...

By the way. The military has asked that you perform a small favor. There is no doubt of your patriotism so I said you'd jump at the chance. You will be carrying a small black box containing an electronic GPS transmitter on your person at all times. Should you actually come upon this Osama person, the military ask that you simply press the little red button on the black box. Oh yes, they ask me to suggest that once you've done that you should with all haste politely vacate the premisis....