Folks,

Dux seems to be considering his reply. That is considerate of him and I take it as a good omen. A bad omen would be him pounding on my door with a .45 in his trembling hand demanding the quid I owe him. While he chugs down his 80 proof memory medicine and contemplates yet another incomparable retort, I will nurse both my wounds and my fifth drink of the evening. Funny that beermaid did not look half that good four drinks ago...what do you think C51?

Pardon me while I dab up a few drops of red stuff from my recently punctured jugular. C51 where is that tin of styptic powder? You know, that white stuff for shaving nicks you used to pour into Dux's gravy when he wasn't looking. It made it coagulate into a thick, ugly Jello. And that reminds me to ask, wasn't it you who sent Olga that handsome Mother's Day card supposedly signed by Dux?

As far as I know Olga is not a mommy C51. If she were that would be considered a crime against nature in several countries. The mechanics of how that pregnancy might have come to pass I do not even care to imagine. Olga was touched but puzzled by the sentiment. Then after thinking on it she concluded that it was just Dux's way of hinting he'd like her to bear his children. Dux ever so wisely did not stick around to argue the point. He'll have to pay for the broken glass of that window he jumped out of. Yes it was hilarious but I'd stop laughing if I were you Pal, with Dux out of the picture for a spell you are back on page one of Olga's menu.

Forget the powder, just the thought of Olga making a baby has chilled my blood and that has stopped the bleeding. Why was I bleeding? I've been down into those gloomy archives once more searching for great literature and those bats were extra thirsty tonight. Yes I said I was searching for great literature, I did not say that I had ever found any. Here is perhaps about as close as any of our stories ever come to it. A fine yarn typed by one of BoBs best friends, OSRAM.

Seconds of Terror
By: Osram
HWH (continued)
Pg.42
06-20-2003

My heart stops for a moment as I saw the German war machine steam rolling right towards us! I had been quiet satisfied as we had formed up with Tookie's squadron, I had seldom flown with so many in one sortie. But the size of the German raid was still a multiple of us. I can see two large bomber formations on opposite course and the Me109 escort above them. Strangely, there are no contrails. Oh well.

The only good news is that we have been vectored right in front of them and the combined closure speed is so high that the escort will have to be very lucky to do anything before our first frontal attack. But of course hitting anything at that speed is difficult as well! Just before coming into shooting range I have to pay attention to not collide with one of my mates and making a gift of two destroyed Hurricanes to the Germans.

I will take that bomber - pull left, shot for a tenth of a second - gone! I am sure I missed. I now look frantically into all directions searching for the escort. Indeed there is a melee everywhere. A bit undecided what to do apart from keeping my energy, with no enemy directly in front or behind me, I fly on for a short while and then turn back. Still no enemy behind me, actually I can see only two or three Me109s now!

100 percent throttle to get to the bombers as fast as possible! While switching from scanning around to peering intently at the huge formations of dots in the distance, I see that instead of flying directly away, they now turned left. They have bombed their target, London. Damn! So, I was not able to stop one of them before doing their deadly work. But of course if I now shoot one down, he will not be able to come back with another load, so let's go get them!

With them turning and flying perpendicular to me, I am now approaching faster. Scanning the sky, I now get more and more convinced a wonder happened: The German escort is not here, I will be able to approach the bombers unmolested! There is another gaggle of maybe 8 planes a bit in front and to my right, but they are Hurricanes as well. The wonder I am experiencing is even bigger than I thought!

I am still out of shooting distance, but am now slowly readying for action. I decide to cross the path of the other Hurricanes and attack on the right, since they attack the left most planes. In a few seconds there will be mayhem and I will have to grit my teeth and fly through the smoke trailing fingers of death!

BLAM! BANG!

Debris is spouting from my engine! This is unfair, I am still maybe 500 yards or more away! Everyone told me you can not hit at that distance. But of course, chance, or should I say fate is the big deciding factor in these fights, and even at 600 or 700 yards a lucky shot can be lethal. Someone is telling me via radio that I trail glycol - as if I had not seen the damage!

Ok, I have somehow, with pure luck evaded the escorts, am quite obviously inside their shooting distance, have some fat targets in front of me and some other Hurricanes attacking and drawing part of the defence fire. Who knows when I will get another chance like this! So, I will go on. But since I know now that I will only do one attack, I now also start shooting from far away. Is it the slip stream of the planes in front that lets my piper swing over and around and in eights and generally do everything but stay put on a target?

At last I get it on the outer wing and then concentrate on the right engine of a Do17 and try to set it on fire. With my bad shooting skills and still quite far away I do not hold much hope and get a shock as suddenly the wing breaks off! It's lift hurls it up before it starts spinning lazily about its axis. I have to dive to avoid it, even if it means I will not be able to pull up in time to get another shot. Well, I pull up immediately afterwards and am still a bit off from the planes, now in a good firing distance and concentrate on the next Do!

I go on shooting and just as I get into the range where hits become really likely and lethal, the fire from my guns stops! It seems I have no more ammo left. I knew I started shooting early, but I had only one attack, apart from the extremely short burst in the head on. Anyway, I put the Hurri on its nose, leaving the throttle open. I just want to get away as fast as possible! Still no German fighters nearby.

The speed builds up. I know I am still in the safe speed range for a healthy bird, but what about my damaged one? I look for an airfield and see one 5 miles away. After another look back, I put the throttle on idle and decide I have had enbough for today and will not fly to my home base. Maybe the damage causes some extra drag, I am coming in quite nicely. Both the gear and the flaps seem to work flawlessly. Well, I will see about the gear when I am down. I do a lazy big curve to land in the longest direction of the field.

The wind is too weak to take into account. Flying with the idle engine, I finally even drop below the glide slope and rev up the engine a bit. It would be a shame if it would die now and I would crash in, a few yards in front of the airfield! Actually I am very low, but just make it with enough speed over the airfield boundary and cut the engine. I have made it!!

I shot one raider down, I am alive and I even brought the Hurricane back to a good landing!