Folks,

Dux:

Surprised to see me? I bet that you are. The rumor of my demise was premature. Kindly put my watch and best boots back in my locker.

It was a narrow escape I grant you. As you say, I grabbed HK's manuscript and headed for the door to the HWH archives.

I lit my torch, traversed the 3000 steps leading deep under HWH Hall, crossed the alligator infested moat, raised the drawbridge for safety, and finally mumbled the ancient incantations that open the massive door to the cobweb shrouded vault.

Suddenly I caught a faint whiff of what at first seemed to be a mixture of goat dung, radiator coolant and swine urine. In fact it was all of that and more. Precisely what you so correctly identified as Olga's favorite evening fragrance, "Springtime in Stalingrad".

My blood froze. A picture of Olga with lips pursed for the kiss of death crossed my terrified mind. At that moment I was overcome by an even more overpowering personal stench. An odor so vile that I can only compare it to that which a starving scavenger might have to endure when devouring the entrails of a dead water buffalo left too long festering under a blazing tropical sun. From out of the gloom a huge, hairy arm and beefy hand with fingers the size of sausages grabbed for my unmentionables. A voice like doom spat, "Ver hev ju ben Chay Harr Tee ju notty boy?...."

What could I do? My natural instincts for self preservation took hold. I flung the burning firebrand I was carrying ahead of me and dove head first into the writhing moat. The water was ice cold. I struggled to the surface and gasped for breath. The cavern was now pitch dark. Something like an expensive suitcase 16 feet long rasped against my kicking legs.

I swam for my very life and I just made it to the other side of the moat with well sharpened gator choppers snapping greedily just inches behind me. Scrambling over the slimy rocks in Stygian darkness, I made the stone steps leading to safety just as a torrent of Russian curse words told me Olga was having trouble getting her knock off Zippo to light.

Up those uncountable stone steps I scrambled. I fell, I crawled, I prayed. A full half hour later I was worried about getting the bends but safely at the top. I stopped to listen. Deep below I distinctly heard the sound of many alligators scrambling out of the moat to safety. And a voice like sandpaper rubbing over gravel called out "Komm oud komm oud fer aavar Chu Arr, Chu vill neever escape jor Olga."

I flung open the heavy oaken door and ran through. I put all my weight against it and managed to close it behind me with a ringing thud. Twelve combination locks and five heavy deadbolts later I finally felt secure enough to breathe again.

Now who do you suppose tipped Olga off as to how to get into the vault in the first place, Dux?

Dux? Dux!!!


Originally Registered January,2001 Member Number 3044

"Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed" - Edmond Gwenn, "The Trouble With Harry"

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