Billy Bob walks in to a bar with a small man perched on his shoulder. Billy Bob sits down and orders a shot and a beer. Just as the bartender puts the drinks down the little guy jumps down on to the bar, smashes the shot glass and dumps the beer on the floor.
So Billy Bob orders another shot and a beer. Again the little guy jumps down, breaks the shot glass and pours the beer on the floor.
This happens 2 or 3 more times until finally the bartender asks "What's the deal with the little dude on your shoulder?"
Billy Bob replies " I was walking down the street yesterday and I found a lamp. I rubbed it and all of a sudden a genie appeared and granted me 1 wish.
With so many possibilities my mind went blank and the only thing I could think to wish for was a 12 inch prick".
“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves,
'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
― George Carlin