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#4405135 - 02/14/18 02:32 PM Happy Valentine's Day  
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Bill_Grant Online cowboy
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ya shmucks!

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

Marrying a woman becuase she looks hot is like buying a house for its paint.

The most effective way to remember your wife's Valentine's Day Card is to forget it once.

Husband to wife: ‘I hear you’ve been telling everyone that I’m an idiot.’
Wife: ‘Sorry, I didn’t know it was a secret.’

A man says to his friend, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.”
The friend says, “Why not?”
The man says, “I don’t like to interrupt her.”

Losing a wife can be hard.
In most cases, it’s damned near impossible.

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car.
‘What’s up?’ says the driver.
‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.
‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.


~Bill

My Wife said that if I don't get off my computer and do my chores she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

Inline advert (2nd and 3rd post)

#4405137 - 02/14/18 02:44 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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PanzerMeyer Online centaurian
Pro-Consul of Florida
PanzerMeyer  Online Centaurian
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Valentine's? Yawn.

Great jokes by the way!

Last edited by PanzerMeyer; 02/14/18 02:45 PM.

Mandata tua!
#4405140 - 02/14/18 02:57 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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MarkG Online content
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^ Agree on both. Valentine's Day is not something we bother with.

#4405154 - 02/14/18 03:59 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: MarkG]  
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JimK Online hick
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Originally Posted by MarkG
^ Agree on both. Valentine's Day is not something we bother with.


We do the same. Just another day.


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#4405157 - 02/14/18 04:09 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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Chucky Offline
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It's just another money-making exercise like Christmas,Easter etc.


The problem with homeopathy is that there are too many homeopaths. It would be more effective if they were thinned out a bit, say one homeopath per ten trillion people...
#4405162 - 02/14/18 04:29 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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rwatson Offline
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Bill
thanks for the jokes and you know Mary sue got a bag of Bill jack cookies


Russ
Semper Fi
#4405171 - 02/14/18 06:07 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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F4UDash4 Online cool
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Bought my wife roses and took her out for a steak dinner. She bought me some clothes, including an F4U Corsair T shirt biggrin


“Government has three primary functions. It should provide for military defense of the nation. It should enforce contracts between individuals. It should protect citizens from crimes against themselves or their property. When government-- in pursuit of good intentions tries to rearrange the economy, legislate morality, or help special interests, the cost come in inefficiency, lack of motivation, and loss of freedom. Government should be a referee, not an active player.” - Milton Friedman
#4405175 - 02/14/18 06:19 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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Dart Online smile
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Me: "Every day we're married is like Valentine's day to me."
Wife: "What a sweet thing to say!"
[pause]
"I still get the chocolate, though, right?"


The opinions of this poster are largely based on facts and portray a possible version of the actual events.

More dumb stuff at http://www.darts-page.com

From Laser:
"The forum is the place where combat (real time) flight simulator fans come to play turn based strategy combat."
#4405178 - 02/14/18 06:33 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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PanzerMeyer Online centaurian
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PanzerMeyer  Online Centaurian
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At least Valentine’s isn’t simply an excuse to get drunk like St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo.


Mandata tua!
#4405180 - 02/14/18 06:52 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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MarkG Online content
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^ Lol. Catholics know how to party! biggrin I'm sure New Orleans was a mess this morning.

#4405190 - 02/14/18 08:02 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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- Ice Offline
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smile Nice jokes! smile

I buy the wife flowers more often now so when the price went to around £10 for a bunch of roses, we both agreed that it was stupid and we wouldn't be getting any as she's enjoyed flowers for 1/10th the price before. No sense in paying through the nose just because it's a certain time of the year.


- Ice
#4405198 - 02/14/18 08:53 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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Pooch Online content
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"Now, take my wife....please!" Henny Youngman must be looking down, smiling. How about this one:
Wife: "I have the body of an eighteen year old girl!"
Husband: "Then give it back to her! You're ruining it!"


"From our orbital vantage point, we observe an earth without borders, full of peace, beauty and magnificence, and we pray that humanity as a whole can imagine a borderless world as we see it, and strive to live as one in peace."
Astronaut William C. McCool RIP, January 29, 2003 - Space Shuttle Columbia

#4405302 - 02/15/18 05:58 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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Haggart Online piggy
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I bought a bouquet of roses for my mother (wife doesn't like cut flowers) and bought a small (easy to carry) metal spray can of UV block & moisturizer combo from my Dermatologist Office for when wife takes her 3rd grade class out to the playground

Remember - Valentine's Day isn't about buying chocolates or flowers but of showing the ladies in your life that you're thinking about them. The best investment you could of made Feb 14th was getting her something because it is likely to "pay dividends"


"everything lives by a law, a central balance sustains all"
#4405321 - 02/15/18 06:54 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Haggart]  
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MarkG Online content
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Originally Posted by Haggart
Remember - Valentine's Day isn't about buying chocolates or flowers but of showing the ladies in your life that you're thinking about them. The best investment you could of made Feb 14th was getting her something because it is likely to "pay dividends"


You don't need Hallmark/Hersheys Day to do this though, right? Nothing wrong if you celebrate Valentine's Day or not IMO, as long as you're both on the same page about it...much like with sex, I suppose. Hmm... "same page", one for the "Idioms" thread.

Man, I'm hitting so many grand slams lately that even if we cared about Valentine's Day and I blew it off, I'd still get a pass! biggrin Not so with Wedding Anniversaries, a unique date to a couple that's not on anyone else's calendar.

Not that I don't look back and cherish the time *before* we had Anniversaries (pics below: 1986...and the little tune still plays), but to me Valentine's Day is like commercialized scheduled affection. I dunno, just feels weird to me, and I can be one of the sappiest hopeless romantics you'll ever come across.

Attached Files Valentine_01.jpgValentine_02.jpg
#4405323 - 02/15/18 06:58 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: MarkG]  
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PanzerMeyer Online centaurian
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Originally Posted by MarkG
but to me Valentine's Day is like commercialized scheduled affection. .



That's because it is!! I read somewhere that roughly about 40% of the flowers sold per year are for Valentine's Day. It's also a huge boon to restaurants (especially if Valentine's falls on the weekend).


Mandata tua!
#4405330 - 02/15/18 07:22 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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Haggart Online piggy
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Panzer will you send me a Valentine's Day card ? (hugs and kisses)


"everything lives by a law, a central balance sustains all"
#4405336 - 02/15/18 07:36 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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Bill_Grant Online cowboy
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The high end restaurants were packed as I drove home last night.

I made Prime Rib for Two. Delicious.

[Linked Image]

Attached Files steak.jpg

~Bill

My Wife said that if I don't get off my computer and do my chores she'll slam my head on the keyboard, but I think she's jokinfjreoiwjrtwe4to8rkljreun8f4ny84c8y4t58lym4wthylmhawt4mylt4amlathnatyn

#4405337 - 02/15/18 07:37 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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Haggart Online piggy
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wow that looks good !


"everything lives by a law, a central balance sustains all"
#4405340 - 02/15/18 07:42 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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PanzerMeyer Online centaurian
Pro-Consul of Florida
PanzerMeyer  Online Centaurian
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Originally Posted by Bill_Grant
The high end restaurants were packed as I drove home last night.

I made Prime Rib for Two. Delicious.

[Linked Image]



Somehow I pictured you as a vegan Bill. wink


Mandata tua!
#4405345 - 02/15/18 07:47 PM Re: Happy Valentine's Day [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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F4UDash4 Online cool
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Originally Posted by Bill_Grant
The high end restaurants were packed as I drove home last night.



That's why I took the wife out Tuesday night. Call it "Valentines Eve" wink


“Government has three primary functions. It should provide for military defense of the nation. It should enforce contracts between individuals. It should protect citizens from crimes against themselves or their property. When government-- in pursuit of good intentions tries to rearrange the economy, legislate morality, or help special interests, the cost come in inefficiency, lack of motivation, and loss of freedom. Government should be a referee, not an active player.” - Milton Friedman
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