Another night of revelry and rituals, but still no rain.

Fittop, you would certainly be welcomed if you came to visit. We'd go flying and to the range. I have a couple guns that we could share. Then in the evening a nice barbecue and drinks to accompany swimming in the pool. Then as darkness settled get the bonfire ready and the girls naked and painted. Set up the large brass bowl and lay out all the other potions and items. At midnight the rain inducing activities begin. If your missus is hesitant about the naked dancing don't worry. A couple margaritas and she will loosen up and start giggling about it. The wife's sister needed a couple additional tequila shooters, but then she became a big fan.

Have I mentioned we need rain ?

Folks,

There is nothing like a crash to get your eyes open most any morning. Be it your plane or your computer you'd just as soon avoid either if you can. In this case it was a "good" crash since I was able to limp away from my computer. I have tracked down the problem. Apparently I had to many things running in the background to run a quick malware scan. No damage found after a normal reboot.

The temp is 67°F. at noon with an 8 mph wind from the NE and a reported visibility of 10 miles and overcast skies. We had heavy rain much of yesterday and last night. So much rain the countryside is probably littered with the carcasses of strangled frogs and drowned fishes.

That sounds like a lot of fun to me too. I would hold off immediate planss however. Since dusty Florida appears on my Google map to be more or less south of here, and as water tends to run downhill, there could be reason to prepare for a veritable tidal wave of water arriving there fairly soon. Citizens are cautioned to prepare by getting out their water wings, inner tubes and other dependable flotation devices. Babies and pets should be tied high up in sturdy trees. Cash and other small valuables can be sent to me for safe keeping C/O LeRoy at HWH Hall. Blueprints for arks can be acquired online. I fear there is no time for building more than a 10 cubit version before the fertilizer hits the cooling device down there. It is recommended that those who cannot swim, have no boat or flotation device, attend to completing (in waterproof ink on water resistant paper) their last will and testament. Once completed and witnessed, the document should be placed in a sealed bottle and also tied to a sturdy tree.

When the apocalyptic, drought breaking wave arrives in Miami those non swimmers living in the Keys should bend over and kiss their... well, you know.

It happened !!!!

It happened !!!!

We got rain and will be getting more throughout the day.

Rain. Sweet blessed rain.

Folks,

OG:

I guess the big flood will be rather anti-climatic then.... Is there a dance you could recommend that stops rain?

Chaps,

80f has been baking us today. Anglers landing Smooth Hound 4 - 5 - 6Ib on squid. Too much distraction on the beach as the bikini culture begins to flourish.

Folks,

Dux!

Good to hear the fishing report from the coast of Wales again. I am not all that familiar with that particular fish. It is either a shark or shark-like creature I believe. I will Goggle it up to see if we have that or the equiv. of it here by the same or another name. We do have dog fish and puffers. My son and grandson are the best anglers in the family. The largest fish my grandson ever caught was a big hammerhead shark out on a boat. I do not know how heavy it was but just a photo of it weighed 5 lbs. I've always liked hunting more than fishing. Now, in truth, I do like "catching" fish, it is the actual fishing part that I don't have much patience for. The biggest fish I ever caught was in fresh water. It was a big Chowan River channel catfish that weighed a bit over 13 lbs. That fish was caught early in the day and when we got home, about 10 PM, it was still living. We turned it loose in the Tar River that night. It seemed the right thing to do. I hope it lived a long life.

I haven't hunted deer in a long time. Not since a big, 10 pt. buck totally surprised me by coming up a hill directly behind me and jumping right over my head before going safely into dense forest, before I could even get my rifle up. I'm not sure how long I sat there thinking deadly thoughts before my hunting partner came over the hill and nealed down beside me. He had seen the deer run in my direction. A real pal, he did not immediately ask me where the dead buck was.

My brother-in-law and I got tired of our wives begging us to take them deer hunting. So one night we promised to take them the next morning. They were overjoyed and immediately began planning what they should wear for the occasion and how cold it might be, what to carry for lunch etc. We gave them no instructions figuring they would ignore them anyway. Next morning we waited patiently for our spouses to get ready. We were finally all loaded into the jeep at the crack of 10 AM next morning.

After only 2 pit stops along the way for restroom and beverage breaks, we made it to our choice of hunting spots and began our long trudge into the woods. The girls kept up a loud chatter hoping to rouse the curiosity of the bucks and bring them closer I suppose. Quieter moments (there were very few) the silence was filled by stepping on fallen branches that cracked loudly, bumping into and getting hair tangled in low hanging branches requiring screams of pain and loud curses. Did I forget to mention tripping and falling with the attendant squeals and laughter. No, they were carrying no firearms. We men had ours safely under control at all times.

That day we tramped across creeks, muddy fields and soggy dales hour after hour. For some reason, totally unclear to us, no game of any kind was even heard much less seen. The girls were disappointed but game for even the worst of it. We had to be grudgingly proud of that. When rest stops got longer and longer we politely suggested we call it a day. When my brother-in-law and I got the girls home they were bone tired and worn out . Their fashionable boots were heavy with mire and their coats and pants were absolutely covered in cockle burs. Their faces were dirty and their makeup smeared from wiping sweat all day. To be honest, they never looked more lovely to me. We were proud of them for taking the worst we could contrive to throw at them that day. This they did and though they were miserable neither one complained once or asked to go home.

They never asked to go deer hunting again, either.

Drop in more often Dux. We miss your thoughtful, interesting and often acerbic comments.

Folks,

The UK and Canada observer "Remembrance Day" on November 11. No one posting here needs reminding of course.However, we always like to reverently remind our readers that it is on the last Monday in May, Memorial Day, (this coming Monday) that we Americans pause to remember those in our Armed Forces who gave the "last full measure of devotion" and all their tomorrows to preserve our freedom and way of life. Those who have stood watch on that line in America's defense, in one way or another, especially in battle, also know that they gave their lives for each other. May a divine Providence bless them and their families who also gave so much.

Folks,

I forgot to mention that the rain map of our area looks like the perfect design for a WWI Flying Circus Albatross paint job. We have rain and a tornado watch until midnight. Two tornadoes touched down within 30 miles of us yesterday. Mercifully there was no loss of life AFAIK.

Well said Jolly Roger. Your last sentence was ... perfect.

Chaps,

I have an admission to make...I don't mind telling you, being my pals and fully experienced men-of-the-world but...

I am in love with a friend of my daughter. This friend is half my age and superbly stacked. I have several courses of action open to me but you may suggest more:

1 Tell her after buying a pair of good quality running shoes because her husband is into martial arts.

2 Suffer in silence the pain of unrequited love while idolising her from a distance.

3 Shoot myself, preferably in front of her.

I await with anticipation your most constructive advice.

Folks,

Dux:

When I was in high school I used to fall in love three times a week. Not so often these days. I envy your self confidence if not your probability of success. On the other hand, you do have quite the record of being what you Brits might call a "Jack the Lad". I wish you luck my friend. Incidentally, have you had a thorough cardiac exam lately?

Any pal of K must be smashing. Didn't I read online that K is or was married? That must have broken lots of hearts in the UK. I think I would go for it. At your ripe old age if you are successful, and it is a bad match, you won't have very long to suffer. Incidentally, have you had a recent visit to a good urologist lately? I saw an advert for Super Viagra and other cheap Canadian pharmaceuticals sneak into my SPAM box the other day. I could get that out and send it on. Incidentally, have you had a complete prostate exam this year?

They say married men live longer. They do not however say that they are all that happy about it. Incidentally, have you been in for a complete psych examination in the past year? The secret to any woman's heart is through her funny bone. Get her to laugh and she will relax and begin to trust you. That always worked for me. Now take care she doesn't laugh "AT" you but rather laugh "WITH" you. Guys who clown around with lamp shades on their heads with their trousers down around their knees get attention but they are laughed at and not respected. Humor, on the other hand, properly used will ease the tension and may well cause her to admire your sense of humor. Then Bob's your uncle. My wife said far to often for my comfort, "If Roger had no sense of humor... he'd have no sense at all." Of course, any woman who might entertain marrying you would just have to have a good sense of humor, right? Hmmmm. Perhaps that did not come out quite the way I meant it? I'll try again. A woman who would fall in love with you must surely like a good joke... Nope, not quite what I meant either. Forget it.

My suggestion to you is to try humor first. If she loves to laugh she'll respond similarly when you ask for her hand... I did it again, didn't I? Sorry.
If humor fails, before you try number 3, try pathos. If she takes in stray cats and the like and drops a fiver in a vagrant's cup when she passes one she might feel sorry for you and say "Yes". On the other hand, she might also just give you a fiver and push you out the door with a pat on the head and a pocket full of Fido mix. But should you risk it?

In a pinch like this one I usually think to myself, just as Bertie Wooster was prone to do, "Self, what would Jeeves do in a spot like this?" If you've ever read P.G. Wodehouse's "Jeeves and Wooster" you'll know precisely what I mean. In this particular case I think Jeeves would recommend a good, stiff drink and a long night's sleep. If you wake in the morning still determined to woo this lovely paragon of all living (she is living, right?) British females that takes care of number two on your list.

So, that being the case, you should then try number one and put your heart in it. Here are your instructions. Now Dux, this is vitally important, so pay close attention. I will write this only once. Equipped with nitroglycerine tablets, oxygen canister, and those lightweight trainers, try number one using all the humor you can muster. Before she can stop laughing, crying or answer, run away like the devil himself is behind you on a Harley holding a recently sharpened pitchfork. When you can no longer hear her laughter, crying or curses, you can slow down. Wait until midnight before you return to her and ring the doorbell. If you see the lights come on quickly that is a good sign. She has been unable to sleep for thinking about you and will be glad to see you when she opens her door. On the other hand, should the door open and it is her husband standing there with his old granddad's mule eared Damascus steel barreled .500 double elephant gun in his hands, that, Dux, will likely be a very bad sign.

I do hope this helps. Best of luck. Incidentally, have you ever been tested for high susceptibility to lead poisoning?

Thanks, JRT,

I just knew you would come up trumps. The answer certainly lies there within your post, especially that bit about laughing.

I think it was Michael Caine in Alfie who said 'Make a woman laugh and you're halfway there.' What he meant by 'there' make me blush in anticipation.

She texted me last night and signed off with what I interpreted as a breathless, steamy 'night-night'. Could that mean I take another step up the ladder to paradise or just her way of saying 'There's no fool like an old fool'?

Folks,

We enjoy partly sunny skies with a digital mercury reading 70°F. There is a 13 mph wind from the SW and a humidity of 81 drippy percent. The usual 10 mile visibility is reported. Tornadoes not likely today but more rain storms with the potential for damaging straight line winds. Hopefully Texas and Florida are greening up today after the arrival of much needed rain.

Dux:

As Cindy Lauper is reported to have said, "Girls just want to have fun." Whatever you may think of that lady's songs, she can carry a tune to ten octaves and that, for this old Rock & Roll singer of the 60s is truly amazing. I am much pleased to have helped you. Yes, "Alfie" started Michel on his way but it was "Zulu" with Jeff Baker that made him a star. I have followed his rise to fame and fortune with interest over the years. Whether the movie was a blockbuster hit or a miserable flop, anything Mr. Caine was in was better for it IMHO. "The Man Who Would be King", a Kipling tale, costarring Sean Connery is just one of my many Caine favorites.

I would not know personally, however I understand that, along with laughter and a good time, women usually respond well to fame, wealth and super powers. If you happen to have any of that lying about, I'd definitely use it.

Here is something I have found useful, over the years, before a happy marriage brought such things to a screeching halt. When planning seduction it is worth your time to also plan for your escape after the blush of success has drained from your shamelessly smiling face. Suddenly remembering a misplaced wife and 12 small children can have a dampening effect on the most ardent of lovers. Discovering that your face on wanted posters (you can make one on your computer) is posted in the local post office with the caption "Armed and considered dangerous" might cause second thoughts. Reminding her you will be bringing your mother and three mothers-in-law along on your honeymoon should change her mind about wedlock. I've always disliked the "Lock" part of the word "wedlock", haven't you?

If all else fails and you find yourself booking the church, try booking it for the fifth Sunday in the 13th month if there is a full solar eclipse on that date. Regrettably most professional clergy are well educated today and may likely notice such glaring errors. Substitution of a layman dressed as clergy may be your way out of marital bliss. A qualified actor would be wise for many obvious reasons. Once the ceremony is completed and no one (least of all your blushing bride) the wiser, you can enjoy the honeymoon and walk away a free man the very first time her well fed mother looks down her long, bony finger at you and dares to complain you are not good enough for her daughter. Imagine the shock when she finds out there was no wedding and thus there will be no alimony. Yes, make those plans now "marry" the girl, and enjoy the honeymoon. You will benefit in the end.

Chaps,

JRT,

Your versatility on the keypad has never ceased to amaze and delight me over the years. Your veiled insults seem almost complimentary and roll off my noble visage like water from Olga's greasy and pugnacious features. SNAFU has really missed out - god bless him - I often wonder where he is and what took him away from his creation.

Regarding Lady 'L': I am planning an evening a la carte dinner...that's the one without ketchup, peanuts, Dr Pepper or pickle jar on the side. Although I will be dressed to kill, it is more likely that I will end up deceased if her decidedly muscle-bound husband finds out that we are not attending the Woman's Institute Annual Meeting to discuss charitable causes or the presentation of an illuminated scroll to the church choirmaster, Hugh Bendwell-Tytebutt. MBE.

Damned hot today...about 80f out of the gentle breeze. Really beautiful day.

Gents,

Back from my epic biking expedition I have a few tales to share but first let me echo what OldDux wrote and let me thank OG and Fittop for contributing quality posts to the old venerable thread. I'm happy that rain finally fell on Oldgrgnard's pastures. From the images you posted previously, the situation did seem quite dire. I find it educational for me to learn about various areas in the world and the best possible way for me to do that is to read accounts as the ones posted here. I would have contributed with my own, usually very effective rain chant to help things along but I shamefully admit that I withheld, in case the rain would fall in the wrong place, i.e. on me, and I desperately wished for good, dry weather for my mini vacation.

I went to a farm in Jutland, in an area renowned for it's natural beauty and lush, fertile fields and woods that are as close to the original, unspoilt forrest as possible, almost a national park. The area is situated near an inlet to a fjord and you can clearly sense the forces of nature across millennia forming and sculpting the landscape, creating the hilliest terrain in Denmark.

I attach a few snaps for your viewing pleasure, the one with the yellow farm is where I stayed. The calm and quiet of the place was very restful for the soul offering plenty of fresh air, 10 hours of sleep per night, several bike rides around the inlet and into old Viking territory, almost all the way to Jelling where massive carved runestones from the 10th century are found. The older of the two Jelling stones was raised by King Gorm the Old in memory of his wife Thyra. The larger of the two stones was raised by King Gorm's son, Harald Bluetooth in memory of his parents, celebrating his conquest of Denmark and Norway, and his conversion of the Danes to Christianity. The runic inscriptions on these stones are considered the best known in Denmark. I decided against going all the way to Jelling as it would have involved a fairly boring ride along a highway and I preferred the twisty undulating paths of the smaller country roads.

Quite a humorous situation arose when I walked, yes walked, what is possibly the steepest bit of road in Denmark, I didn't trust my legs you see, besides, I never was a lemming. Because of the steepness of the stretch of road however, it is a popular challenge for the amateur bike riders, and if you imagine David Attenborough's voice in your mind as you read these next few words you'll probably find it funny to; "Here we see a school of cyclists in their natural habitat, in a temporary state of panic as they have reached the summit and yet clearly don't know what to do next. The situation is aggravated by the unexpected appearance of a motorcar, and shouts from individual riders in basic, single words - "left", "go right", "don't stop", etc. can cleary be heard".

Finally, the conquests. OldDux, you might want to take note of this part of my travel tales as I had particular success with members of the fairer sex!

Perhaps it was my lean, fit, suntanned, masculine, muscular presence, perhaps it was the sandalwood shaving soap I had used during the morning's shave, perhaps it was the Quorum aftershave mixed with the freshness of the woods, the distinguished grey hair and the clear green eyes, but I met a beautiful dark-haired waitress of right size and proportions and with a very fetching way. She couldn't resist touching me several times! The restaurant where she waited on me had a nice view over the harbour at the mouth of the Fjord, with plenty of yachts moored to the quays. the French fried served with the fish I had were expensive as in "silly". She was the best part of the meal though. Nice with a compliment anyway!

Another female however was insistently attempting to enamour herself with me to the extent that she would have gladly cuddled exhaustively. This time it was my shoes, or my feet that were particularly interesting! After that day's 33K step hike including elevation changes equivalent to climbing some 51 storeys according to my tracker, my shoes and feet must have carried an exciting aroma of adventure and scents. This particular redhead even turned her back on me, lifted her tail and showed me her..... well.... female cat parts.

Being allergic to cats, sadly I had to cancel that particular date.

Folks,

Dux:

Thank you for that compliment. Up until I read that sentence I had reason to believe that you were actually reading the mess I write here. I assure you that no insult, veiled or otherwise was intended. Perhaps you misread what I wrote? Incidentally, have either you or, more importantly, your sweetheart had an eye exam this year? If she wears thick glasses, hiding them might go a long way in helping your cause

Jens brought to mind something I might have mentioned previously. It has been my experience over and over that is a young woman takes a shine to you she will not be able to resist physically touching you. Pay close attention so you don't miss that clue. Watch her body language and you'll pick up her signals. Along that line, if she touches you with her fist on the nose or on the eye that is the sign to stop whatever you are doing. And if at any time her body language suggests to you the coiling of a snake about to strike, take heed and suddenly remember you have a pressing appointment elsewhere. Incidentally, have you had your hearing checked recently? I ask that only because should she at any time whisper in your shell-like something like "Get out now or I'll call my brother the policeman, SAS captain, Sumo wrestler, etc. you really need to be instantly ready to leave like a Jack Rabbit on a date.

Jens:

So nice to have you back safe and in such good form. From those excellent photos it is clear the weather was perfect. that dappled road reminds me of long walks in wooded areas during the summer. I have never seen a Danish cat before. Surprisingly, she looks quite a bit like American cats. Tail on one end, nose on the other, ginger in between. A Danish beauty to be sure. I would have enjoyed seeing the rune stones. There are a couple of museums in Denmark that have Viking artifacts and a perfectly preserved clinker built long ship. The more I read about new thinking on what the Vikings accomplished the more fascinated with Viking life I become. Like most folk they and their civilization were far more complex than what was believed when I was in school.

Sir David's voice is most distinctive and easy call to mind. That was a really good mechanism for telling your story. Well done. Thank you for the photos and your written account.

Gents,

JRT,

I certainly do read your posts and will continue to do so until that miserable old git with the scythe visits either of us. )

Jens,

How I envy you your encounter with the 'touching' waitress. In fact I will use your experience as a yardstick by which I can judge progress with 'L'. Obviously, a slap across the face would not be the appropriate touching I will be waiting for...or perhaps it would be appropriate to my advances? I must continue to be skilful in my approach. After all, my old RAF charm hasn't let me down yet. Per Ardua Ad Astra.

Folks,

It is 10:33 AM here in NC and presumably other eastern states as well. The temp is 73°F. and the humidity level is a comfortable 57%. There is a 14 MPH wind coming our way from the W. Visibility today is reported to be (drum roll please) a totally unexpected 10 miles... yes that was mild sarcasm.

Dux:

Thank you for your loyalty over these 16 years to SNAFU and to his inspired idea for a flame-free zone for the free discussion of BoB and other topics. As for reaDING my contributions, I'd say masochism must be epidemic in our community.

Worry not, everyone knows you are already a bit "touched" already. Indeed, RAF or just natural, it has seemed at times over these 16 years that you have been dipped in charm kinda like my old grandma used to thickly ice a chocolate cake. In truth, by your amorous record already accumulated alone, it is abundantly clear that, when it comes to seduction, it is the rest of us that should be coming to you for advice. My expertise, if I have such at all, would more likely be how a flawed man such as I can stay with the same nearly perfect woman for 40 years.

Very odd. I just tried to send this post and I got an error message stating i did not have permission to post on this thread. I tried again and I got a message stating my post had been sent and the "send" button had been deactivated. On returning to the front page I found I had been logged out and I had to log back in. I've been around a long time and I've never seen anything like that before. If I fail again and can't post I'll e-mail my post to one of you fellows to post for me.

Gents,

Another fine day in the Kingdom. Temps up to 25 C in select areas, on the bike it was a bit cooler, then I blew up, or Bonked, as the phrase goes. i.e. totally spent and hardly able to pedal the last miles home. I did muster the energy to go to the store for some chilli. can't make any food without a good dose of chilli.

One thing I appreciated very much about home, amongst many others, is having my evening tea. I forgot to bring some with me on my travels but that only meant that once back home tasting my favourite tea again was even sweeter. What a fabulous brew it is. I prefer Typhoo, with milk and sugar. It cannot possibly become more English than that, surely? Did you tell us Dux, which tea you prefer? Or are you perhaps not a tea drinker but prefer coffee?

Roger; I always get the Attenborough's mixed up. I don't know why I can't tell Movie Dick from Wildlife David, they don't even look the same. Original post corrected.

We'll be around home; celebrating a wedding and hosting company this weekend.
Her daughter's boyfriend is a vet, (as is her daughter), and he might want to go to the local National Cemetery. I may go with him since a few of my friends are resting there.
I'm sure there's a few vets and others around here that will also remember others that have fallen.
Hope everyone has a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend.