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#4353912 - 04/27/17 01:48 PM Joke: I'm feeling philisophical today...  
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 5,864
Bill_Grant Offline
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I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

A recent study has found that woman who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “ Sag Harbor .”

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.


~Bill

In my defense, I was left unsupervised...
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#4353914 - 04/27/17 01:52 PM Re: Joke: I'm feeling philisophical today... [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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rwatson Offline
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Thanks Bill made me smile for the first time today..I especially like the one about crossing the street to vote


Russ
Semper Fi
#4353921 - 04/27/17 01:59 PM Re: Joke: I'm feeling philisophical today... [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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Posts: 25,138
RSColonel_131st Offline
Lifer
RSColonel_131st  Offline
Lifer

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 25,138
Vienna, 2nd rock left.
Really good collection, all of them very inspiring biggrin

#4353922 - 04/27/17 02:06 PM Re: Joke: I'm feeling philisophical today... [Re: Bill_Grant]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 121,384
PanzerMeyer Online centaurian
Pro-Consul of Florida
PanzerMeyer  Online Centaurian
Pro-Consul of Florida
King Crimson - SimHQ's Top Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 121,384
Miami, FL USA
LOL!! Those are great Bill.


“Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.”
#4353929 - 04/27/17 02:39 PM Re: Joke: I'm feeling philisophical today... [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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cichlidfan Offline
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Thanks Bill. That was good for several laughs this morning.


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#4353930 - 04/27/17 02:41 PM Re: Joke: I'm feeling philisophical today... [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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MarkG Offline
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MarkG  Offline
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The Bayou
Those were hilarious!



The rusty wire that holds the cork that keeps the anger in
Gives way and suddenly it’s day again
The sun is in the east
Even though the day is done
Two suns in the sunset, hmph
Could be the human race is run
#4353941 - 04/27/17 03:19 PM Re: Joke: I'm feeling philisophical today... [Re: Bill_Grant]  
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Raw Kryptonite Offline
Beat the Kobayashi Maru
Raw Kryptonite  Offline
Beat the Kobayashi Maru
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I mentally read that in a Rodney Dangerfield voice. Classic!


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#4353944 - 04/27/17 03:31 PM Re: Joke: I'm feeling philisophical today... [Re: Raw Kryptonite]  
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JimK Offline
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JimK  Offline
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Originally Posted by Raw Kryptonite
I mentally read that in a Rodney Dangerfield voice. Classic!


Same thought.


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