Been a tough a couple months, son moved away and decide he manage to live with his friends after loosing his job. Just WOW.
Have no idea how he can keep this arrangement with no income coming in. But he called me this morning asking if I could help
him out. He lives over in Sleepy Eye and is 13 miles away. Wanted to come home and gather more of his garbage. Yeah trash
he has collected. To help him bring more to his new digs. 2 trips later, I am tired of it. He has so much left here yet. Not even a
dent put into it. Ready to throw out most of it. He is only 20. Thinks he can candle it. I sure hope so.

It will be a learning experience one way or the other. Eventually it will do him some good if he doesn't screw up too bad. I did it when I was 19, but on good terms with my parents.
If/when he wants to come back, make it on your terms. Rules, rent, help with utilities, groceries, auto insurance etc. Make him continue the growing up experience...or head to college or military. Sliding backwards is where it could all become a waste.
Just my .02!

I was there with my late son and daughter. It can be very hard. I would suggest that you really think about what YOU want. He's 20 and HE decided to move away. Don't take him back on his terms , but on YOURS. If you don't want his stuff refuse to take him back if he brings it.


Thoughts and prayers to you

I shacked up with a woman at 19 too. That happened because I lost a job and the parents berated me for it so said screw off and went and lived with the girlfriend, who didn't care if I had a job or not.

What makes his situation even worse, he does not have drivers license. Relies on everyone else to take him places. We all know that won`t
last. He really needs to get it if wants to get anywhere, like maybe a Job.

Your son should join the military. It's probably the best option for him at this point.

Good idea, but pitching that to him might go nowhere.

Great way to destroy the rest of your life. No money means no school. No school means crappy low paying jobs for the rest of your life. And shacking up with somebody adds to the stupidity of it all. She gets pregnant, and now you are REALLY screwed.
I was lucky enough to have been able to do it right. Was in school and didn't move out 'til I was 25 and had a good job. Good enough for me to not just move out, but move from New York, all the way to California. And I rented a house near the water on Manhattan Beach. It was great experience.
But you can't tell him anything. Because even though he's only 19, he knows a whole lot more about life than you do. You just don't understand anything.

If the military option is pitched I'd go with the Coast Guard. It's an often overlooked option.

A friend of mine is going thru the same experience with his 18 y/o daughter except she is not even talking with him and he doesn't even know where she has moved to...or with who. Few good options in his case.

Sad thing about about all this. He had a good job at Walmart. Had been working there going on 3 years. This past January he went over to Fleet Farm in Mankato
with a friend shopping. He is into the military surplus junk. He did not grab a basket or kart and found a couple items he wanted. So he put a $5 item into his coat
pocket and when time came to check out, he forgets about it. Gets past the last of point of sale and security grabs him. Simple shoplifting charge. Gets a court date
set on Feb 16th. Goes back to work at Walmart and tells his supervisor what happened. 2 weeks later is suspended from his job awaiting court decision. Suspended
over 30 days and they only charge him with a petty misdemeanor. Paid out all his court fees at $237. Goes back into work to tell them what happened. They fire
him. He files for unemployment and it get denied.

Was really stupid on his part for the entire incident, but it does not change the direction his life has taken since this happened. I am hoping he finds work soon. But
moving to Sleepy Eye really reduces those job opportunity`s in such a small town. I don`t want to him fail, but I think he already feels he has.

Military is the route to grow up..I left for Parris Island the day after i graduated from high school..Went home once when i came home after Viet Nam and no body there understood me and I particularly didn't want to be there so I left after a week haven't been there since ..They were my foster parents..But all my life never been out of a job for more than a week..Damn Jimk hearing all those town naames makes me want to watch Little house on The Prairie.LOL..

Maybe he'll find a good woman?

I was 16. A year or two prior, my probation officer said my juvenile record would be destroyed at 18. Already a casual smoker (cigarettes and pot) and on my way to becoming an alcoholic (addictions run in my family), my future wasn't looking good. Also lots of trouble in school with skipping classes, forging signatures, etc.

So in the middle of 11th grade (after it became obvious I wasn't going to pass HS), my aunt invited me to move in with her and my uncle the next town over, to try and finish the year at another school. She had already sent me to summer school (after my parents refused) and was hoping that a new school environment with new friends would help me change. She and my uncle became my legal guardians, I moved in to their very small one-bathroom house, slept on a cot next to a small dresser in their tiny dining room (I was very appreciative).

In no time I started stalking this chick I had the hots for (even skinnier than the two I chased [unsuccessfully] at my first school), turns out she was the niece of my aunt's best friend. Very different than anyone I hung out with, straight A+ student, perfect attendance (school and church/catechism), dressed and presented herself like she was from another era (Karen Carpenter and Marie Osmond rolled into one). I convinced her to date me and she's been an overwhelmingly positive influence on my life ever since.

It happens, if he finds the right one, his life can do a 180 (amazing how much you can change overnight when trying to impress a female).

Nah, he's just learning the hard way. In the end, that could be what makes him the wiser man years down the road. Then he'll have a kid that won't listen to him and his experience too.
He might run a few years behind his peers growing up, but he will.
Suggestion: support him with dinner with the family one night. Invite him over. No talk about plans, future etc. Keep it light. When he leaves, tell him to call you if he needs you.
That doesn't have to mean financial support. If he needs a roof over his head, let him move in, but like I said, on your terms. You can pull this off without being negative and
maintaining a relationship with him that will develop more later on. Just don't cut him off in anger. You might not know everything he's going through.

my older son has had alcohol problems, dropped out of college and made some bad decisions, but when he was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, we tried to help him sort it all out without making him feel guilty. he works hard, but has to remember to work efficiently not just grinding away in one spot. he may always have to keep AA in his corner to keep that beast at bay, but seems to accept that drink is not the answer. JimK, even when we are at our wit's end we have to love our kids for who they are. I was always stubborn and learned the hard way, suffering the consequences, until my mother told be she had been the same way as a kid, and her mother wished she would someday have a kid just like her. Good luck my friend, we all care in here, sometimes more than in our offline lives.

Coast Guard is probably not a great option at the moment. Trump is calling for 14 percent cut in funding in the CG to help pay for the Wall. My grandson is stationed at the St. Petersburg Station (8 year vet.) and says everyone is on edge
over probable reductions in manpower if it happens.

Coasty always has good advice, read his post again Jim.

btw, in all my years, and all the folks I know, I have yet to see the "perfect" family. Remember that.

Thanks guys, he made his decision to move right after getting fired on Feb. 16th. He had hardly been home for weeks, we might have seen him maybe
1 or 2 times a week when he stop in and pack up another load his belongings. He was never under under pressure to move, it was his alone. Think he felt
he would be dragging us down with him if he stayed. With our job, being under the microscope is a way of life, knowing this he felt that he would endanger
our job here.

He comes over for supper maybe once or twice a month. Often bringing a girl friend. We even go over to Sleepy Eye and have dinner at City Limits Bar and
invite him over since he only lives 8 blocks away. I am beginning to think his under age girl friend is supporting him, She lives in St. Cloud and drives at 17.
He still don`t DRIVE even with a permit that took him 18 tries to get. She sounds like she is ready to run away from St.Cloud and live with him and his friends.
Hopefully she waits till she is 18 so they all don`t get into trouble.

Tristan will be 21 on August 20th. Hopefully by this time he be driving and be employed. I send hims daily text messages about jobs for him to check out. But he
can`t drive and must rely on friends to get to some of them.

Its been tough on both me and the wife, more so me, relying on his help for so many things he did that I now must take of myself again. Its added to overall stress
of him being gone. Wife never wanted him to go, She is the toughest one on him, giving him grief over loosing the job and being stupid about the entire ordeal. Every
time he comes home she lays into him. I avoid those sessions. I must live with her. And we get along great.

I really miss him, and what we use to go and do together, the vacations we took alone together and all the museums I took him to and over explorations of waterfall
hunting up the canyons along Lake Superior. He has seen alot, just hope he appreciates it all. Stuff my Dad never did with me. I would wind up living at home taking care
of them till passed away from Lou Gehrigs at 58 2 years after retiring from the Post office. I am only a couple years out from that now, hoping to make it further.

You're son sounds a lot like me when I was his age. I never had a drivers license either but I never asked for rides either. I lived downtown Vancouver so didn't need a car. Eventually he will probably find his way.

We live in New Ulm,MN, Rural MN. Miles from anywhere. Its 13 miles to Sleepy Eye, 33 miles to Mankato. Without a driver license , you rely on everyone else to get there. No such public transport here.

cut backs can mean thinning the senior guys and getting more recruits, for lower pay. that also can mean faster rank advancement. at least that happened when Viet Nam was over.