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#4151492 - 07/28/15 09:23 PM Best Two Liners... :)  
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,033
komemiute Offline
Hell Drummer
Happy Birthday komemiute  Offline
Hell Drummer
Hotshot

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 7,033
1. Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.

2. My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.

3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

4. How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, they're efficient and not very funny.

5. What do you call a dog with no legs.
It doesn't matter; it's not going to come.

6. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.

You have my Word.

7. What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table.

8. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor #%&*$#.

9. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.

10. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.
Even the cake was in tiers.

11. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
Runs in our jeans.

12. A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

13. A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar.
The bartender gave it to her.

14. Want to hear a word I just made up?
Plagiarism.

15. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.

16. What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey.

17. To the handicapped guy who stole my bag -
You can hide but you can't run.

18. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.

19. And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

20. Q: How do you think the unthinkable?
A: With an itheberg.

21. Someone stole my mood ring,
I don't know how I feel about that.

22. I tried to catch fog yesterday,
Mist.

23. The first rule of Alzheimer's club,
Is don't talk about chess club.

24. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

25. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.


Click to reveal..
"Himmiherrgottksakramentzefixhallelujah!"
Para_Bellum

"It takes forever +/- 2 weeks for the A-10 to get anywhere significant..."
Ice

"Ha! If it gets him on the deck its a start!"
MigBuster

"What people like and what critics praise are rarely the same thing. 'Critic' is just another one of those unnecessary, overpaid, parasitic jobs that the human race has churned out so that clever slackers won't have to actually get a real job and possibly soil their hands."
Sauron
Inline advert (2nd and 3rd post)

#4151498 - 07/28/15 09:52 PM Re: Best Two Liners... :) [Re: komemiute]  
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 3,270
sinner6 Offline
Senior Member
sinner6  Offline
Senior Member

Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 3,270
Fort Worth,TX
26. What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.


Steam: Sinner6
Uplay: Sinner76028
MWO: Sinner6
#4151503 - 07/28/15 10:07 PM Re: Best Two Liners... :) [Re: komemiute]  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 22,405
letterboy1 Offline
(Heterosexual)Tchaikovsky Ballet Fan
letterboy1  Offline
(Heterosexual)Tchaikovsky Ballet Fan
Lifer

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 22,405
Columbus, GA USA
Best ones I've seen in a long time!

I just learned that Popeye was Jewish! Guess who circumcised him . . . Olive Moil.


The issue is not p*ssy. The issue is monkey.

Moderated by  RacerGT 

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