All right car guys, let's hear it. You know you've seen them, abominations that never should have been created, hacked together by someone with a deviant mind.

For example, my father, back in the early seventies, bought a '67 Corvette roadster that was lightly hit in the front but still driveable. He picked it up very cheap. Why? Because in addition to the light, easily repairable damage, someone had removed the original 327 cubic inch motor and replaced it with a 283 with a two barrel carb.

Now, it's a mortal sin to do an engine swap on a car like that in the first place. I hate it when the numbers don't match on something like that. But a 283 with a two barrel? What the hell? Did the Arab Oil Embargo of those days put The Fear in them or something? Why would you do that?

Another one that sticks in my mind was a few years ago. I was riding down a country road with Mrs. Sauron at the wheel as usual, and doing what I normally do since they medically revoked my license, sightseeing. We were just passing a mobile home sitting on a piece of land cut out of some very good pasture that surrounded it when I saw it.

Someone had taken a Triumph Spitfire, yes, the small, two-seat British sports car, and put it on a monster truck chassis. And I mean MONSTER TRUCK! It was like a Spitfire sitting atop the chassis from Bigfoot or Gravedigger! It looked tiny and scared up there. And you needed a damn step-ladder to get in, I'm sure.

What gets into your head that makes you look at a nice little British sports car and think, "Ya know, that there would look better if it had four wheel drive, a lift kit, and some monster mud tires!"

So, there's a couple of examples. Let the parade of horrors begin!

Cheers!

Rick...

This sounds like fun.

First is E.J. Potter and his drag bikes called the Bloody Mary series. What made them so unusual was, ole EJ, nicknamed the Michigan Madman, put a transverse mounted 327 Chevy engine on the bike. A drag event I went to in South Florida back in the 1970s had him as one of the headliners. It rained the entire weekend, but EJ always being the showman, still got out and ran the Bloody Mary through the rain puddles in a windy storm, and tripped the lights at 120 mph, after shutting off at the 1000 foot mark because he almost lost control.

Other one was a guy I knew in high school who built a tube frame for a VW bug and put a 392 Chrysler engine in the back end of it. It didn't run, it hopped. If he didn't drag the clutch, it would tend to flip over backwards. He did that twice, relacing the bodywork the first time, and leaving it dented in after the second rollover. He went through numerous clutches then decided to park it, and finally yanked the engine out, sold it and made a "dune buggy" out of the VW.

Hellaflush: wheels with a lot of offset, tires stretched as tight as possible, and huge negative camber to have the wheels be flush with the fenders. Every time I see a picture like this a little part of me dies inside, and I want to throttle the owner who would do that to such a fine piece of automotive engineering.

http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&s...=1t:429,r:3,s:0

I had a VW bug with the front smashed in. No headlights, just the worse thing you ever saw, but I drove it (during the day). I figured it was better to drive 10 minutes than to walk 3 hours or take a 2 hour bus ride.

One that was pretty cool was a guy I know in CA, registered his VW bug at his parents house here. All CA illegal parts on the Porsche motor. It could take a Corvette off the line, but ultimately couldn't compete at higher speeds. It was scary fast because as you got close to top speed the front end would literally float.

Some guys on my car forum spotted this monstrosity -



We all pitched in a few dollars and bought the thing, and here it is on a trailer ...









And like the sign says on the side, we are going to blow it up.
Fingers crossed that'll happen within a month or so. I'll post vids of it happening here.

Hey Billzilla,I thought you were going to blow that POS up some while back? What happened?

Still waiting for people to come good on their promises.

I always got a kick from watching what was almost definitely a highschool kid in an older used Toyota that had one modification on it with the promise of future mods to eventually make it into a "Fast-and-Furious" type machine. Except month after month I see this same car with only a hood scoop and nothing else different from stock. Either that or a muffler kit which the rip-off artist at Chico's garage promised would increase the horsepower, and by horsepower he meant the noise level. Then top it all off with gangsta rap and two white boys in sideways baseball caps who know every lyric. THAT is the modern redneck. I kid you not.

Anyone who paints their car, themselves, a MATTE color, apparently using spray cans from Walmart, has created an atrocity.



The Jedi Master

A '66 Jag E type with a chevy 350 in it......the guy who did that should be shot with a ball of his own sh!t

Pontiac Aztec

/thread

Ford Exploder

There is apparently this trend going on with people buying expensive cars and having them either painted or foiled (the noun, not the verb ) in matte black. I've seen Audi Q7s, Porsche 911s, BMW M3s and Bentley Continentals in matte black. Whoever thinks that is cool ought to have new taste glands forcibly transplanted

Agreed. There should be severe penalties for that kind of atrocities!

Most American cars introduced in the '70s qualify; hideous aestetics, horrifically underengineered and the build quality tended to be such that a bunch of random primitives from the Khyber Pass could hastily reverse engineer one and end up with a better made product.

Murdered out, it's called. I've never understood that one either- the stock paint on the kinds of cars that folks do that to is already incredibly expensive.

I barfed 15 times

I recently read an article about someone who found a Ferrari 212 in a barn. There were two atrocities in that story, first, forgetting you have such a beautiful car and letting it collect dust in some barn. Secondly and far worse, the Ferrari V12 engine had been removed and replaced with a Corvette engine. That's just sacrilege!

Jaz

I think the large rim's fad is stupid bring back the 16inch rim max.

Any time the rims cost more than the car.

!! I knew a Sh!thead guy who had a Jag back in the early 80's who did the same. Not sure however what year it was - only that it was a Jag and Brown.

Drive this the next time you have a date with a woman you're trying to impress!



She'll swoon, guaranteed! Maybe not for the reasons you'd like, but nevertheless, she'll swoon!

Cheers!

Rick...

That must be one of those midwestern hybrids.

I'll never understand giant wheels on a car. It serves no purpose other than to make it look like a lame toy made real.



The Jedi Master

Squealing tires on the strip.. it's all about lookin bad in your dragster.

I won't lie, that looks kinda cool. The horns are lame but the body shape is kinda neat. Work the exhaust into side pipes. Chop the front end down to make the lines a little neater. the front fenders need to be redone, since you can see they are beat to crap. but done up to custom car quality I can see that looking sorta cool

I saw an AMG BLACK E-63 in this sort of paint recently. I think that's stock.



In his defence, I recently saw a Jag e-type on the side of the road with a for sale sign on it. I'm absolutely positive it wouldn't run if tried. However, the thought did cross my mind of trying to restore it by fixing up the body and replacing the engine with something that would run. Its not like there's a lot of engines for late 60's Jag e-types out there.

Now WHY would you ever want to replace a Jaguar engine?? They are actually quite reliable you know. It's just the electrics by Lucas (aka The Prince of Darkness) that are crap. The 3.8- and 4.2-litre straight sixes are two of the finest engines in automotive history. A classic Jag does NOT have a V8 in it, period.

The Jag straight six has even been used in British light tanks and AFVs, like the Scorpion.

Can those cars on the 30+ inch rims even hope to make the tires squeal?

Absolutely. Compare the price of a Jag engine, any Jag engine, to the ubiquitous Chevy small block (I'm surprised you can't buy them at Walmart) and you'll see why a Jag might end up with a bowtie under the hood!

We ended up really fixing that ugly Taurus we all bought.

Here's how we did it ....






And finally ....




Looks much better now!

Yes indeed; it truly does.

At last! Its hideous life is over

Any dipstick who has the bull scrotum hanging from his receiver hitch has created a monstrosity.

This vehicle makes the rounds of all the auto shows around here in east Texas. It's actually harder to look at in real life than it is to look at in the pictures. Every time I see it I want to grab a hammer, not for the car, but for the owner.



LINK

Where's NavyNuke99? He'll be outraged...



There's an S2000 under all that they say.



The Honda S2000: Official car of Pepto-Bismol.



I think that last one is the Easter Bunny's car. He really goes for those yellow and purple schemes...

Cheers!

Rick...

A guy I knew back in the day named Bruce had a nice mustang. He decided that it needed a hood scoop. Soooo, he cut a hole in the hood and made one out of a bit of sheet metal. No, he didn't have a sheet metal bender. Then he decided it needed a spoiler. So he made one of those. Out of bondo. Freehand. He forgot to make allowances for opening the trunk, so he took the seat backs out of the rear seat to access the trunk. He decided it needed a custom paint job so he painted it corvette yellow with red and blue stripes. He laid the stripes out with tape. Regular tape. Freehand. It looked like it was doing a permanent hole shot due to the overload from the thousand pounds of bondo on the trunk lid.

Wow, Rick. Thank goodness the first one is only an artist's rendering... As for the other pics, that just makes me that much more pissed that mine is totaled.

How about this one:

May we include bikes?
Having seen Easy Rider (when it first came out here; 1968?) I graced my BSA bantam (an ex Post Office bike. 125cc 2-stroke) with 17inch apehangers. Didn't change the length of the throttle cable though, and first time I turned left lurched uncontrollably into traffic and fell off.
Not having learnt from this misadventure, I then obtained a Squariel and attached some lovely barleytwist chromed extended forks but didn't do anything about the frame geometry. Thing was virtually unsteerable and I had to jam on the front brakes and nearly bent said forks to 45 deg.
But I was young then.

I am too old I think because I never "got" the big wheel craze. I hung out with a group of lowriders and big wheel kids because my buddy was there guru and one of the best "get it done" mechs I know. They all went from scrapping frame S-10's to big wheel Impalas and spent more on the wheels than they did on the cars they put them on. Also hung out with them in protest to the gold chainer street rod guys that had 100 grand cars and nose in the air attitude. I loved going to car shows with my 47 Plymouth chopped top lowrider and beating the pants off those overpriced candy colored, billit laiden tanks.

I hate rim jobs...

So we killededed it very much.

Sweeeeeeet. Nice to see the purifying flames did a good job.

Iconic French Renault 4L "Pussywagon"...

Cheers

Nico

Beurk!! C'est quoi cette HORREUR?!?

Nicely done, VonBarb... but I think that corvette monstrosity still wins - more effort was put into mutating it.

I wonder how many girls he was ever able to pick up with that Barbiemobile? Maybe his strategy was to stun them with horror/laughter?

There's no doubt its a superior engine. My point is: is the rotting, rusting, Jag e-type better off staying that way on the side of a country road with a 'for sale' sign on it, or in a garage, being nicely coddled, with some sort of non-standard engine. Because that's really the choice.

Bosozoku link has many more eye-bleeders.

please tell me where this country road is and I'll be on my way

I had heard about Bosozoku a few years ago, but hadn't seen any recent pictures... Hmmm, cars dressed up as ironic caricatures of race cars... It's a wonder hipsters over here haven't picked up on this yet.

It was the Conn road between Arthur Ontario and Flesherton Ontario. Its not there anymore.

With luck it's somewhere being lovingly retsored I know a guy with a 1967 Healy 3000 in his garage that has been there since about 1970-71. It's on jack stands and he turns the motor over a few times every month or so....but the bugger WON'T sell it !!