#3412814 - 10/18/11 12:35 PM
Chuck Norris pilot jokes
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 11,077
semmern
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Oslo, Norway
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Chuck Norris doesn’t request clearances, he states intentions.
Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.
Hijackers squawk 7500 when Chuck Norris is on board
Chuck Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his aux fuel tank.
Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare to cross Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t fly into headwinds…the wind is always running away from Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is never under pressure.
Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.
Chuck Norris doesn’t shoot approaches…he kills them.
Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck Norris
Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists simultaneously
Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier with his fist.
Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist coming out of his radar screen.
Chuck Norris doesn’t level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving
Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance… once
Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to punch through them. He then got back in his helicopter and flew through the hole he just made.
Chuck Norris doesn’t have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.
Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you are already dead.
A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.
A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.
Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.
All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris isn’t holding, he is circling above his victims.
Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.
No one knows what Chuck Norris’ tale number is, nobody has ever gotten that close.
In all my years I've never seen the like. It has to be more than a hundred sea miles and he brings us up on his tail. That's seamanship, Mr. Pullings. My God, that's seamanship!
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#3412859 - 10/18/11 01:39 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 11,257
Coot
Pilgrim
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Pilgrim
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Posts: 11,257
These United States of America
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lol love these things. - Fly-by-wire used to be the most precise aircraft control system. Now aircraft are fitted with fly-by-chuck technology -New difficulty and realism settings for flight simulators:
John 10:1-30 Romans 10:1-13
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#3412928 - 10/18/11 03:10 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 24,078
oldgrognard
Administrator
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Administrator
Lifer
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 24,078
USA
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Chuck Norris doesn't have hard landings; that's just him disciplining the runway.
Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.
Someday your life will flash in front of your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.
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#3413011 - 10/18/11 05:14 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 15,827
Mace71
Dread pirate Mace
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Dread pirate Mace
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Darlington, UK.
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When Chuck Norris is in a plane the world revolves around him.
Antec 902 | Intel i7 920 2.66Ghz OC'd to 3.40GHz | MSI GeForce GTX 660 Black Knight 2048MB GDDR5 | Corsair 6GB DDR3 | Coolermaster V8 CPU Cooler | W7 64
"There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing." Aristotle
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#3413045 - 10/18/11 05:49 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 19,581
Raw Kryptonite
Beat the Kobayashi Maru
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Beat the Kobayashi Maru
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MS
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Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search.
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#3413051 - 10/18/11 05:58 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: Raw Kryptonite]
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 26,566
wheelsup_cavu
Lifer
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Lifer
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 26,566
Corona, California
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Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search. Lol, cool of Google to play along. Wheels
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#3413103 - 10/18/11 06:54 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: Raw Kryptonite]
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 8,935
ArgonV
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Posts: 8,935
College Station, Texas, USA
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Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search. LOL!!!
"Go Fly A Kite!" -Jason R. FS-WWI Project Leader FS-WWI Plane Pack SiteIntel i9 10900k Gigabyte Z490 Aorus Elite AC 64GB Corsair DDR4 2933 Vengeance RGB Pro AMD XFX 7900 XTX Merc310 Black Edition LG UltraGear 38GN95B-B 38" monitor Corsair HX1200 PSU 1TB EVO 980 Pro M.2 PCIe x4 SSD 2TB EVO 980 Pro M.2 PCIe x4 SSD Two 2TB EVO 860 SSDs Sound Blaster ZxR Win 10 x64 Pro HOTAS Cougar #4069 w/Uber II Nxt mod #284 & UTM bushings
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#3413176 - 10/18/11 08:28 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 24,712
Dart
Measured in Llamathrusts
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Measured in Llamathrusts
Lifer
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 24,712
Alabaster, AL USA
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Chuck Norris doesn't prop by hand. His stare alone scares engines into starting.
The opinions of this poster are largely based on facts and portray a possible version of the actual events. More dumb stuff at http://www.darts-page.comFrom Laser: "The forum is the place where combat (real time) flight simulator fans come to play turn based strategy combat."
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#3413193 - 10/18/11 08:46 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 8,935
ArgonV
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Posts: 8,935
College Station, Texas, USA
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Chuck Norris never runs out of fuel, fuel runs out of Chuck Norris.
"Go Fly A Kite!" -Jason R. FS-WWI Project Leader FS-WWI Plane Pack SiteIntel i9 10900k Gigabyte Z490 Aorus Elite AC 64GB Corsair DDR4 2933 Vengeance RGB Pro AMD XFX 7900 XTX Merc310 Black Edition LG UltraGear 38GN95B-B 38" monitor Corsair HX1200 PSU 1TB EVO 980 Pro M.2 PCIe x4 SSD 2TB EVO 980 Pro M.2 PCIe x4 SSD Two 2TB EVO 860 SSDs Sound Blaster ZxR Win 10 x64 Pro HOTAS Cougar #4069 w/Uber II Nxt mod #284 & UTM bushings
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#3413266 - 10/18/11 10:15 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 11,077
semmern
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Veteran
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Posts: 11,077
Oslo, Norway
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Chuck Norris isn't struck by lightning. Lightning is struck by Chuck Norris.
In all my years I've never seen the like. It has to be more than a hundred sea miles and he brings us up on his tail. That's seamanship, Mr. Pullings. My God, that's seamanship!
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#3413669 - 10/19/11 01:12 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 24,712
Dart
Measured in Llamathrusts
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Measured in Llamathrusts
Lifer
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 24,712
Alabaster, AL USA
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Chuck Norris never ascends. The planet flees his aircraft out of fear from a roundhouse kick.
The opinions of this poster are largely based on facts and portray a possible version of the actual events. More dumb stuff at http://www.darts-page.comFrom Laser: "The forum is the place where combat (real time) flight simulator fans come to play turn based strategy combat."
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#3413720 - 10/19/11 02:54 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 11,077
semmern
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Veteran
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Posts: 11,077
Oslo, Norway
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Chuck Norris doesn't fly over the Earth's surface, Earth moves underneath him.
In all my years I've never seen the like. It has to be more than a hundred sea miles and he brings us up on his tail. That's seamanship, Mr. Pullings. My God, that's seamanship!
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#3413800 - 10/19/11 05:02 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 7,335
Navigator
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Hotshot
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Mn U.S.A.
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Its never cloudy for Chuck Norris
The sun never sets unless Chuck Norris says it o.k.
Never rub another man's rhubarb.
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#3413813 - 10/19/11 05:20 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 16,082
- Ice
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Philippines / North East UK
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All posts in this thread has been approved by Chuck Norris before it is shown.
- Ice
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#3413852 - 10/19/11 06:20 PM
Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes
[Re: semmern]
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Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 8,935
ArgonV
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College Station, Texas, USA
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Chuck Norris' EPU consists of two roundhouse kicks. It is feared if it were ever used again the universe would cease to exist. There is one known case of Chuck Norris ever using his EPU. This event is known as the Big Bang. If you smell the vapros of Chuck Norris' EPU it is too late, you and the rest of the universe are already dead. When The Most Interesting Man In The World isn't drinking Dos Equis, he's drinking the urine of Chuck Norris. It is said that the taste of Dos Equis is flavored to taste like Chuck Norris' urine.
"Go Fly A Kite!" -Jason R. FS-WWI Project Leader FS-WWI Plane Pack SiteIntel i9 10900k Gigabyte Z490 Aorus Elite AC 64GB Corsair DDR4 2933 Vengeance RGB Pro AMD XFX 7900 XTX Merc310 Black Edition LG UltraGear 38GN95B-B 38" monitor Corsair HX1200 PSU 1TB EVO 980 Pro M.2 PCIe x4 SSD 2TB EVO 980 Pro M.2 PCIe x4 SSD Two 2TB EVO 860 SSDs Sound Blaster ZxR Win 10 x64 Pro HOTAS Cougar #4069 w/Uber II Nxt mod #284 & UTM bushings
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Exodus
by RedOneAlpha. 04/18/24 05:46 PM
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