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#3412814 - 10/18/11 12:35 PM Chuck Norris pilot jokes
semmern Offline

Registered: 03/19/01
Posts: 10285
Loc: Oslo, Norway
Chuck Norris doesn’t request clearances, he states intentions.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

Hijackers squawk 7500 when Chuck Norris is on board

Chuck Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his aux fuel tank.

Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare
to cross Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t fly into headwinds…the wind is always running away
from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is
never under pressure.

Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are
flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shoot approaches…he kills them.

Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck

Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists

Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris
broke the sound barrier with his fist.

Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist
coming out of his radar screen.

Chuck Norris doesn’t level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving

Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance… once

Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to
punch through them. He then got back in his helicopter and flew through the
hole he just made.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.

Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you
are already dead.

A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.

A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.

Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.

All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn’t holding, he is circling above his victims.

Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.

No one knows what Chuck Norris’ tale number is, nobody has ever gotten that
In all my years I've never seen the like. It has to be more than a hundred sea miles and he brings us up on his tail. That's seamanship, Mr. Pullings. My God, that's seamanship!

#3412859 - 10/18/11 01:39 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
Coot Offline
Rabbit Hole Traveler

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 9187
Loc: !!USA!!
lol love these things.

- Fly-by-wire used to be the most precise aircraft control system. Now aircraft are fitted with fly-by-chuck technology

-New difficulty and realism settings for flight simulators:

#3412928 - 10/18/11 03:10 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
oldgrognard Online   content


Registered: 11/15/01
Posts: 17068
Loc: USA
Chuck Norris doesn't have hard landings; that's just him disciplining the runway.
Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

Someday your life will flash in front of your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.

#3412994 - 10/18/11 05:01 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
Flyboy Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 3333
Loc: England, UK
Chuck Norris made the Comanche from his meccano set.

In school, Chuck Norris had a GAU-8/A for his pea shooter.

The F-35 vertically lifts by Chuck Norris' farts.

While he was on foot, Chuck Norris beat the SR-71 in a race.

Chuck Norris uses aviation fuel for mouth wash.

Chuck Norris protects his home with Metal Storm.

Chuck Norris' idea of a ground start-up is picking the aircraft up and throwing it.

Chuck Norris' wingman is his beard.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear a flightsuit, because he automatically suits flying.

#3413011 - 10/18/11 05:14 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
Mace71 Offline
Dread pirate Mace

Registered: 01/10/05
Posts: 15827
Loc: Darlington, UK.
When Chuck Norris is in a plane the world revolves around him.
Antec 902 | Intel i7 920 2.66Ghz OC'd to 3.40GHz | MSI GeForce GTX 660 Black Knight 2048MB GDDR5 | Corsair 6GB DDR3 | Coolermaster V8 CPU Cooler | W7 64

"There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing." Aristotle

#3413029 - 10/18/11 05:34 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
RSColonel_131st Online   smile

Registered: 01/02/01
Posts: 23894
Loc: Vienna, 2nd rock left.
It does get a bit repetive, but among the first post I had to stop reading it on my cell since I was having my hair cut while reading and I couldn't quite explain to the poor girl why I was giggling...

#3413045 - 10/18/11 05:49 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
Raw Kryptonite Offline
Beat the Kobayashi Maru

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 17053
Loc: MS
Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search.
•Steam: Raw Kryptonite •MWO: Defcon Won
•AMD FX-8350 •EVGA GTX1070 FTW 8GB •Swiftech H240 X2 Prestige cooling
•16 GB Corsair Vengeance 1600MHz •Asus M5A99FX Pro R2.0 Mobo
•Logitech G27 Nixim

#3413051 - 10/18/11 05:58 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: Raw Kryptonite]
wheelsup_cavu Offline

Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 24202
Loc: Corona, California
Originally Posted By: Raw Kryptonite
Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search.

Lol, cool of Google to play along.

Cheers wave

Mission4Today (Campaigns, Missions, and Skins for IL-2)
Planes of Fame Air Museum | March Field Air Museum | Palm Springs Air Museum

#3413103 - 10/18/11 06:54 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: Raw Kryptonite]
ArgonV Offline

Registered: 01/10/01
Posts: 8071
Loc: College Station, Texas, USA
Originally Posted By: Raw Kryptonite
Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search.

"Go Fly A Kite!"
-Jason R.
FS-WWI Project Leader
FS-WWI Plane Pack Site

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#3413164 - 10/18/11 08:12 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
Coot Offline
Rabbit Hole Traveler

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 9187
Loc: !!USA!!
Chuck Norris can create lift with his stare.

Chuck Norris' round house kick is his AOA.

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