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#3412814 - 10/18/11 12:35 PM Chuck Norris pilot jokes  
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 10,360
semmern Offline
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semmern  Offline
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Oslo, Norway
Chuck Norris doesnt request clearances, he states intentions.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

Hijackers squawk 7500 when Chuck Norris is on board

Chuck Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his aux fuel tank.

Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare
to cross Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesnt fly into headwindsthe wind is always running away
from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is
never under pressure.

Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are
flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

Chuck Norris doesnt shoot approacheshe kills them.

Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck
Norris

Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists
simultaneously

Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris
broke the sound barrier with his fist.

Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist
coming out of his radar screen.

Chuck Norris doesnt level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving

Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance once

Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to
punch through them. He then got back in his helicopter and flew through the
hole he just made.

Chuck Norris doesnt have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.

Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you
are already dead.

A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.

A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.

Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.

All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isnt holding, he is circling above his victims.

Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.

No one knows what Chuck Norris tale number is, nobody has ever gotten that
close.


In all my years I've never seen the like. It has to be more than a hundred sea miles and he brings us up on his tail. That's seamanship, Mr. Pullings. My God, that's seamanship!
Inline advert (2nd and 3rd post)

#3412859 - 10/18/11 01:39 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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Moody Pilgrim
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!!USA!!
lol love these things.

- Fly-by-wire used to be the most precise aircraft control system. Now aircraft are fitted with fly-by-chuck technology

-New difficulty and realism settings for flight simulators:


#3412928 - 10/18/11 03:10 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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oldgrognard Offline
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USA
Chuck Norris doesn't have hard landings; that's just him disciplining the runway.


Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

Someday your life will flash in front of your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.
#3412994 - 10/18/11 05:01 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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Flyboy Offline
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England, UK
Chuck Norris made the Comanche from his meccano set.

In school, Chuck Norris had a GAU-8/A for his pea shooter.

The F-35 vertically lifts by Chuck Norris' farts.

While he was on foot, Chuck Norris beat the SR-71 in a race.

Chuck Norris uses aviation fuel for mouth wash.

Chuck Norris protects his home with Metal Storm.

Chuck Norris' idea of a ground start-up is picking the aircraft up and throwing it.

Chuck Norris' wingman is his beard.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear a flightsuit, because he automatically suits flying.

#3413011 - 10/18/11 05:14 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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Mace71 Offline
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Darlington, UK.
When Chuck Norris is in a plane the world revolves around him.


Antec 902 | Intel i7 920 2.66Ghz OC'd to 3.40GHz | MSI GeForce GTX 660 Black Knight 2048MB GDDR5 | Corsair 6GB DDR3 | Coolermaster V8 CPU Cooler | W7 64

"There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing." Aristotle
#3413029 - 10/18/11 05:34 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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RSColonel_131st Offline
Lifer
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Lifer

Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 24,180
Vienna, 2nd rock left.
It does get a bit repetive, but among the first post I had to stop reading it on my cell since I was having my hair cut while reading and I couldn't quite explain to the poor girl why I was giggling...

#3413045 - 10/18/11 05:49 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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Raw Kryptonite Offline
Beat the Kobayashi Maru
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MS
Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search.


·Steam: Raw Kryptonite ·MWO: Defcon Won
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#3413051 - 10/18/11 05:58 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: Raw Kryptonite]  
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,740
wheelsup_cavu Offline
Lifer
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Lifer

Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 24,740
Corona, California
Originally Posted By: Raw Kryptonite
Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search.

Lol, cool of Google to play along.


Wheels


Cheers wave
Wheelsup_cavu

Mission4Today (Campaigns, Missions, and Skins for IL-2)
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#3413103 - 10/18/11 06:54 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: Raw Kryptonite]  
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ArgonV Offline
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College Station, Texas, USA
Originally Posted By: Raw Kryptonite
Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search.


LOL!!!


"Go Fly A Kite!"
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#3413164 - 10/18/11 08:12 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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Moody Pilgrim
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!!USA!!
Chuck Norris can create lift with his stare.

Chuck Norris' round house kick is his AOA.

#3413176 - 10/18/11 08:28 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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Posts: 22,718
Dart Online smile
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Lifer

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 22,718
Alabaster, AL USA
Chuck Norris doesn't prop by hand. His stare alone scares engines into starting.


The opinions of this poster are largely based on facts and portray a possible version of the actual events.

More dumb stuff at http://www.darts-page.com

From Laser:
"The forum is the place where combat (real time) flight simulator fans come to play turn based strategy combat."
#3413187 - 10/18/11 08:39 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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Moody Pilgrim
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!!USA!!
Chuck Norris eats foo fighters.

#3413193 - 10/18/11 08:46 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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ArgonV Offline
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College Station, Texas, USA
Chuck Norris never runs out of fuel, fuel runs out of Chuck Norris.


"Go Fly A Kite!"
-Jason R.
FS-WWI Project Leader
FS-WWI Plane Pack Site

Intel i7 920 @ 3.5Ghz
Gigabyte GA-EX58-UD3R motherboard
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1TB Velociraptor 10k rpm HDD
Sound Blaster ZxR
Win 7 x64 Ultimate
HOTAS Cougar #4069 w/Uber II Nxt mod #284 & UTM bushings
#3413264 - 10/18/11 10:11 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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TerribleTwo Offline
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"College graduates should not have to live out their 20s in their childhood bedrooms, staring up at fading Obama posters and wondering when they can move out and get going with life" - Paul Ryan
#3413266 - 10/18/11 10:15 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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semmern Offline
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Oslo, Norway
Chuck Norris isn't struck by lightning. Lightning is struck by Chuck Norris.


In all my years I've never seen the like. It has to be more than a hundred sea miles and he brings us up on his tail. That's seamanship, Mr. Pullings. My God, that's seamanship!
#3413669 - 10/19/11 01:12 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 22,718
Dart Online smile
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Lifer

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 22,718
Alabaster, AL USA
Chuck Norris never ascends. The planet flees his aircraft out of fear from a roundhouse kick.


The opinions of this poster are largely based on facts and portray a possible version of the actual events.

More dumb stuff at http://www.darts-page.com

From Laser:
"The forum is the place where combat (real time) flight simulator fans come to play turn based strategy combat."
#3413720 - 10/19/11 02:54 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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Posts: 10,360
semmern Offline
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semmern  Offline
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Oslo, Norway
Chuck Norris doesn't fly over the Earth's surface, Earth moves underneath him.


In all my years I've never seen the like. It has to be more than a hundred sea miles and he brings us up on his tail. That's seamanship, Mr. Pullings. My God, that's seamanship!
#3413800 - 10/19/11 05:02 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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Posts: 7,335
Navigator Offline
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Mn U.S.A.
Its never cloudy for Chuck Norris

The sun never sets unless Chuck Norris says it o.k.


Never rub another man's rhubarb.
#3413813 - 10/19/11 05:20 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 14,114
- Ice Offline
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Philippines / North East UK
All posts in this thread has been approved by Chuck Norris before it is shown.


- Ice
#3413852 - 10/19/11 06:20 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]  
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ArgonV Offline
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College Station, Texas, USA
Chuck Norris' EPU consists of two roundhouse kicks. It is feared if it were ever used again the universe would cease to exist.

There is one known case of Chuck Norris ever using his EPU. This event is known as the Big Bang.

If you smell the vapros of Chuck Norris' EPU it is too late, you and the rest of the universe are already dead.

When The Most Interesting Man In The World isn't drinking Dos Equis, he's drinking the urine of Chuck Norris.

It is said that the taste of Dos Equis is flavored to taste like Chuck Norris' urine.

wink


"Go Fly A Kite!"
-Jason R.
FS-WWI Project Leader
FS-WWI Plane Pack Site

Intel i7 920 @ 3.5Ghz
Gigabyte GA-EX58-UD3R motherboard
12GB Patriot Viper II Sector 7 Edition DDR3 @ 1670
AMD XFX 295x2 8GB Hydra Edition
3x1 ASUS PA248Q 24" LCDs in Eyefinity
1200W Thermaltake Toughpower Grand PSU
600GB Velociraptor 10k rpm HDD
1TB Velociraptor 10k rpm HDD
Sound Blaster ZxR
Win 7 x64 Ultimate
HOTAS Cougar #4069 w/Uber II Nxt mod #284 & UTM bushings
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