Forums » SimHQ Community » Community Hall » Chuck Norris pilot jokes Active Topics You are not logged in. [Log In] [Register User]
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
Rate This Topic
Hop to:
#3412814 - 10/18/11 08:35 AM Chuck Norris pilot jokes
semmern Online   content
Hotshot

Registered: 03/19/01
Posts: 9751
Loc: Oslo, Norway
Chuck Norris doesn’t request clearances, he states intentions.

Chuck Norris is the only person ever to land on runway 37.

Hijackers squawk 7500 when Chuck Norris is on board

Chuck Norris once shot down three enemy aircraft with his aux fuel tank.

Chuck Norris has never landed with a crosswind. The wind would never dare
to cross Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t fly into headwinds…the wind is always running away
from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris flies, the altimeter setting is 00.00. Chuck Norris is
never under pressure.

Right of Way rules do not apply when Chuck Norris is flying. If you are
flying toward Chuck Norris, you are wrong.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shoot approaches…he kills them.

Chuck Norris is never off of glideslope, the glideslope is off of Chuck
Norris

Two way contact for Chuck Norris is when he hits you with both fists
simultaneously

Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier with his Bell X-1 Jet. Chuck Norris
broke the sound barrier with his fist.

Chuck Norris was told to ident, the controller was greeted with a fist
coming out of his radar screen.

Chuck Norris doesn’t level off; he tells the altimeter to stop moving

Chuck Norris was once denied a clearance… once

Chuck Norris was flying and saw a wall of clouds ahead so he decided to
punch through them. He then got back in his helicopter and flew through the
hole he just made.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have emergencies, only moments of brief excitement.

Chuck Norris cannot be tracked on radar, if he appears, it is too late; you
are already dead.

A good flight for Chuck Norris is a bad flight for you.

A Flight Docs gives med up chits, Chuck Norris gives med down kicks.

Chuck Norris once moved a stationary front.

All survival vests will be fitted with a Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris isn’t holding, he is circling above his victims.

Chuck Norris provides close air support via flying round house kicks.

No one knows what Chuck Norris’ tale number is, nobody has ever gotten that
close.
_________________________
In all my years I've never seen the like. It has to be more than a hundred sea miles and he brings us up on his tail. That's seamanship, Mr. Pullings. My God, that's seamanship!

Top
#3412859 - 10/18/11 09:39 AM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
Coot Online   content
Rabbit Hole Traveler
Hotshot

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 7216
Loc: !!USA!!
lol love these things.

- Fly-by-wire used to be the most precise aircraft control system. Now aircraft are fitted with fly-by-chuck technology

-New difficulty and realism settings for flight simulators:

_________________________
" Without morals a republic cannot subsist any length of time; they therefore who are decrying the Christian religion, whose morality is so sublime and pure...are undermining the solid foundation of morals, the best security for the duration of free governments." Charles Carroll - signer of the Declaration of Independence

Core i5 750 2.66
ASUS P7P55D PRO
Coolermaster Hyper 212 Plus CPU cooler
8 gig Corsair Vendeance DDR3 RAM
EVGA Nvidia GTX570
Windows7 Home 64bit

wave

Top
#3412928 - 10/18/11 11:10 AM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
oldgrognard Offline

Veteran

Registered: 11/15/01
Posts: 12980
Loc: USA
Chuck Norris doesn't have hard landings; that's just him disciplining the runway.
_________________________
Good people sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.

Someday your life will flash in front of your eyes. Make sure it is worth watching.

Top
#3412994 - 10/18/11 01:01 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
Flyboy Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 3272
Loc: England, UK
Chuck Norris made the Comanche from his meccano set.

In school, Chuck Norris had a GAU-8/A for his pea shooter.

The F-35 vertically lifts by Chuck Norris' farts.

While he was on foot, Chuck Norris beat the SR-71 in a race.

Chuck Norris uses aviation fuel for mouth wash.

Chuck Norris protects his home with Metal Storm.

Chuck Norris' idea of a ground start-up is picking the aircraft up and throwing it.

Chuck Norris' wingman is his beard.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear a flightsuit, because he automatically suits flying.

Top
#3413011 - 10/18/11 01:14 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
Mace71 Online   grrr
Dread pirate Mace
Veteran

Registered: 01/10/05
Posts: 15701
Loc: Darlington, UK.
When Chuck Norris is in a plane the world revolves around him.
_________________________
Antec 902 | Intel i7 920 2.66Ghz OC'd to 3.40GHz | MSI GeForce GTX 660 Black Knight 2048MB GDDR5 | Corsair 6GB DDR3 | Coolermaster V8 CPU Cooler | W7 64

"Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space."
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Top
#3413029 - 10/18/11 01:34 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
RSColonel_131st Offline
Lifer

Registered: 01/02/01
Posts: 21885
Loc: Vienna, 2nd rock left.
It does get a bit repetive, but among the first post I had to stop reading it on my cell since I was having my hair cut while reading and I couldn't quite explain to the poor girl why I was giggling...

Top
#3413045 - 10/18/11 01:49 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
Raw Kryptonite Online   smile
Beat the Kobayashi Maru
Veteran

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 13308
Loc: MS
Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search.
_________________________
•Steam: Raw Kryptonite MWO: Defcon Won
•AMD FX-8350 •EVGA GTX770 Superclocked 2GB
•16 GB Corsair Vengeance 1600mhz • Asus M5A99FX Pro R2.0 Mobo
•Logitech G27 Nixim

Top
#3413051 - 10/18/11 01:58 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: Raw Kryptonite]
wheelsup_cavu Offline
Lifer

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 21500
Loc: Corona, California
Originally Posted By: Raw Kryptonite
Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search.

Lol, cool of Google to play along.


Wheels
_________________________
Cheers wave
Wheelsup_cavu

Mission4Today | Get RoF Templates @ Combat-Asylum
Planes of Fame Air Museum | March Field Air Museum | Palm Springs Air Museum

Top
#3413103 - 10/18/11 02:54 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: Raw Kryptonite]
ArgonV Offline
Hotshot

Registered: 01/10/01
Posts: 7685
Loc: College Station, Texas, USA
Originally Posted By: Raw Kryptonite
Google "where is chuck norris" and hit I'm feeling lucky to search.


LOL!!!
_________________________
"Go Fly A Kite!"
-Jason R.
FS-WWI Project Leader
FS-WWI Plane Pack Site

Intel i7 920 @ 3.5Ghz
Gigabyte GA-EX58-UD3R motherboard
12GB Patriot Viper II Sector 7 Edition DDR3 @ 1670
AMD XFX 7970 3GB Double D Ghz Edition
3x1 ASUS PA248Q 24" LCDs in Eyefinity
700W Thermaltake TR2 W0366RU PSU
600GB Velociraptor 10k rpm HDD
1TB Velociraptor 10k rpm HDD
Sound Blaster ZxR
Win 7 x64 Ultimate
HOTAS Cougar #4069 w/Uber II Nxt mod #284 & UTM bushings

Top
#3413164 - 10/18/11 04:12 PM Re: Chuck Norris pilot jokes [Re: semmern]
Coot Online   content
Rabbit Hole Traveler
Hotshot

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 7216
Loc: !!USA!!
Chuck Norris can create lift with his stare.

Chuck Norris' round house kick is his AOA.
_________________________
" Without morals a republic cannot subsist any length of time; they therefore who are decrying the Christian religion, whose morality is so sublime and pure...are undermining the solid foundation of morals, the best security for the duration of free governments." Charles Carroll - signer of the Declaration of Independence

Core i5 750 2.66
ASUS P7P55D PRO
Coolermaster Hyper 212 Plus CPU cooler
8 gig Corsair Vendeance DDR3 RAM
EVGA Nvidia GTX570
Windows7 Home 64bit

wave

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
Rate This Topic
Hop to:

Moderator:  Murphy, RacerGT, Stormtrooper 
 
Quick Search
Recent Articles
Support SimHQ
.
Social


Recent Topics
T72-M1 gunnery (SB pro PE)
by Ronin_GE
Today at 04:43 PM
New Emperor's Edition for Rome 2 announced--free if you own the current game.
by Forward Observer
Today at 04:36 PM
Don't you just love bureaucracy?
by Pielstick
Today at 04:34 PM
Reference thread detailing compatibility issues with Fighting Steel
by vipe155
Today at 03:23 PM
Hey Tom, How About Given' The 15 A.F. Some Love?
by Pooch
Today at 03:15 PM
2nd Monitor For Instrument Panel ?
by JdSlowThumbs
Today at 02:41 PM
Now this was a nice surprise
by Pielstick
Today at 02:34 PM
Big news on two highly anticipated sequels
by PanzerMeyer
Today at 01:57 PM
issues patched..
by DrZebra
Today at 01:52 PM
Convoys.dat files
by MrJelly
Today at 12:56 PM
 

Forum Use Agreement | Privacy Statement
Copyright 1997-2014, SimHQ Inc. All Rights Reserved.