The Great Thermostat Wars
No discussion about the differences between men and women would be complete without reference to their preferences in room temperature. This has been known since the cave dweller days. Men would be out hunting and come back to the cave to find the women huddled around a roaring bonfire so hot the rocks would glow. Having no thermostat or other recourse, the men would retreat outside and fuss among themselves.
In more modern times, the focus has been on the thermostat. Scientific studies have shown that men like a room temperature that is on average 10 degrees Fahrenheit cooler than women prefer. Plus or minus two degrees.
So at work, a man may be sitting in his cubicle, staring at his PC and sweating. He can't think straight, feels like he's going to faint. Over his head, a torrent of hot air is coming out of the vent. Just before it's too late, he realizes the situation and heads to the thermostat. "Damn it's frakking HOT in here" he thinks to himself as he resets the thermostat from 82 down to 72. Back in his cubbie, the air conditioner kicks in and he sighs as a rush of cool air descends upon him. Meanwhile, the females in their cubbies immediately start shivering and fuss among themselves. Soon enough, the A/C shuts down and more hot air comes out. Back to the thermostat the man goes, yep, it's now up to 84 degrees. And so the cycle continues until it's time to go home.
At home, it's more of the same. Late at night, the male wakes up in a sweat. "Why is it so frakking HOT in here?" he asks himself. Down the hall to the thermostat. Drops it ten degrees. An hour later, the female wakes up, shivering. "Why is it so frakking COLD in here?" she asks herself. Another trip to the thermostat, up ten degrees. And so on. Thermostats have been known to just drop off the wall in pure exhaustion over this.
Here's a good one. Women will often look outside and if it appears cold out there, rain, snow, cloudy, windy, whatever, the thermostat goes up five degrees from wherever it was before. The man sees this and using his highly refined but indiscriminate logic, goes to her and asks "What's up with the thermostat?" To which she responds "It's cold outside". Here comes the logic part: "So what", he says, "That doesn't change the temperature in here!" Her response "Yes, it does". And that signals the end of the conversation.
Men, whatever you do, if the wife or g/f is cold, DO NOT say "Well put on a jacket or a sweatshirt". You'll die or wish you had.
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Pat Tillman (1976-2004):
4 years Arizona State University, graduated with high honors.
5 seasons National Football League player, Arizona Cardinals.
Forever United States Army Ranger.