Judas Asparagus
>
> If you need a laugh
> today, then this should do it
> !!!
>
> A child was asked to write a book report on the
> entire Bible.
>
> This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my
> eyes.
>
> I wonder how often we take for granted that
> children understand what we are
> teaching ???
>
>
> Through the eyes of a child:
>
>
> The Children's Bible in a
> Nutshell
>
>
> In the beginning, which occurred near the start,
> there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The
> Bible says,'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be
> a lot older than that.
>
> Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and
> someone did.
>
> Then God made the world.
>
> He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve
> were naked,but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors
> hadn't been invented yet.
>
> Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one
> bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of
> Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because
> they didn't have cars.
>
> Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother
> as long as he was Abel.
>
> Pretty soon all of the early people
> died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a
> million or something.
>
> One of the next important people was Noah, who was a
> good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah
> built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it.
> He asked some other people to join him, but they said they
> would have to take a rain check.
>
> After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and
> Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold
> Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob
> had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports
> coat.
>
> Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name
> was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights
> out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten
> plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included
> frogs, mice, lice,bowels, and no cable.
>
>
> God fed the Israel Lights every
> day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten
> Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat,
> smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.
>
> Oh, yeah, I just thought of one
> more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
>
> One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the
> first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the
> battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
>
> After Joshua came David. He got to be king by
> killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named
> Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher
> says he was wise,but that doesn't sound very wise to
> me.
>
> After Solomon there were a bunch of major league
> prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by
> a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
>
> There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to
worry about them.
>
> After the Old Testament came the New Testament.
> Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a
> barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because
> my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you
> born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I
> was.')
>
> During His life, Jesus had many arguments with
> sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
>
> Jesus also had twelve opossums.
>
> The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so
> evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
>
> Jesus was a great man. He heled many leopards
> and even preached to some Germans on the
> Mount.
>
>
> But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on
> trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick
> up for Jesus. He just washed his hands
> instead..
>
> Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to
> life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at
> the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of
> Revolution.
>
> -------You must share this delightful story !!!
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