You put some effort into that video and it shows. I really liked that you grabbed some clips from the ground perspective.
If you don't want to purchase Fraps you can use the demo effectively and edit out the caption on the top with a free program like virtualdub
http://www.virtualdub.org/Most of the time, if you are setting your work to music then work on three to four second clip times, with four seconds being ideal. Find the meter to the music and try to make transitions along with the beat. It really adds to the experience for your viewers.
Here is a machinima music video I made awhile ago.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc2wLnycDkAThis was my first attempt at what you did. The tips I'm giving you are the same ones that were given to me. Of course I had the luxury of using the Il2 engine and the track replay which allowed me to get the camera and the shot exactly like I wanted when recording with Fraps. One has to work much harder with something like Thirdwire titles.
I hope this helps. Keep trying and keep up the good work.