Nice video swift,
if you don't mind I'd like to give some pointers, some of them come from my personal experience, others are tips other people told me when I released machinima.
1. avoid mouse panning
2. get rid of the screen captions (speed, communication)
3. buy Fraps - it's not that expensive and you won't be hindered by the time limit (and the top caption)
4. cuts - you use fancy cuts between shots. I'd suggest using straight cuts or quick fade-in's and fade-outs. Unless you want to mimick the star wars cut system
5. if you are adventerous, you can start modding your copy of WOV/YAP with extra views (check
www.combatace.com). There are tricks to add or modify views (ie cameras hanging under wings)
Off course the biggest issue is that WOV/YAP does not offer much support in mission recording and creating compelling stories might mean breaking mission apart to get better shots.
If you want to see the possibilities of camera editing, check this movie of mine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwIccMkzhZw&feature=channel_page Just keep in mind, that (from my experience) its hard to combine movie making with flight simming, since both require a different approach to the simulation.