Yeah Chip, sorry if I wasn't clear. Basically it was as if I was racing in off-line mode and trying to chat to the AI drivers. All my chat was there (Chunx has joined, 2 votes needed to pass, whatever I typed in, etc), and I could see Col Kurtz and Ktel driving, and I could drive, but they could not see my chat, nor I theirs.
Of course my trouble-shooting mindset was "look at what has changed since the last time it worked", and that was the Windows updates, and the new router (which works quite well, btw). None of those were the culprit.
Out of dispair, I started just poking around rFactor. In the main game lobby that lists games, I clicked on the "Lobby Chat" button. Never clicked on it before, because Lobby Chat is always at the bottom left of the display, anyway. That makes the entire rF page a chat room, and once there I saw a button called "Connect to Chat"... Hmmm. Never touched
that before.... click - and there was all the chat in the Chat Lobby! I chatted briefly with a guy from speedracin.net, and that confirmed chat was again working.
Weird. Very weird. I don't know how a setting would change if you haven't touched it before. Unless Windows Update altered some .dll or something. Very strange.
And what provoked all this: I wanted to see if Ktel or Col Kurtz would share a setup!

I was about 2 sec a lap slower than them, and knew where I was losing time. It had to be a setup thing.