Gents,

JRT, et al...

Fill in the missing words to suit your warped imagination.



There once was a man from Bombay
Who made a false ---- out of clay
But the heat of his -----
Turned the clay into brick
And it tore all his ---- ---- away

On a more refined note...

I am the very model of a modern matrix molecule,
With so much more to tell than you had learned about me back in school.
I manufacture proteins that coordinate your chemistry.
Still, ninety-odd percent of me remains an utter mystery.

And so on...

TTT

Folks,

Dux:

As you have come to know; my vivid imagination is indeed rather warped. Amazing. Who knew Gilbert or Sullivan wrote Limericks?

After an unseasonably warm weekend we now have overcast skies, rain and seasonal temperatures. I spent all afternoon and part of the evening yesterday with the electric leaf blower chasing leaves about the yard. I know of no other single purpose tool in my shed that is more aggravating and frustrating to use than a leaf blower with a 50' extension cord. Shoulda put a gas powered blower on my Christmas list. On the other hand when you only use a tool two or three days out of each year at the very most as I do a leaf blower it is difficult to justify the expense.

Yes, I am unconscionably late clearing the leaves this year but the trees are finally bare and this way it will be a big chore but I'll only have to do it once. They can do everything else why can't science engineer a deciduous tree that drops its leaves in neat little piles and when thus deposited the individual leaves cling together by static electricity and will not blow a way?

My silly rant continues. What's wrong with our blowing, sucking design technology anyway? The Dyson vacuum has greatly improved on the ancient Hoover design but they cost as much as I paid for my first used Volkswagen.

Why can't my closest neighbor put a chastity belt on her pussy? Whoa there JRT, I should have typed 'on her cat'? The sweet little black feline is always welcome here however she seems a tad promiscuous to me. As evidence of this she is usually in a pronounced state of pregnancy. I hate to brag but the little thing has honored me several times now by choosing one of my utility rooms to have her kittens; sadly all of whom die.

Don't look down yards and yards of nose or you wag your finger at me Dux. I have already failed in keeping my New Year's Resolution. I vowed to finally keep my last year's resolutions.

Although I failed again I rationalized it this way. Since my friends and family members derive so much enjoyment out of pointing out my faults to me it seemed a shame to improve myself and take that pleasure away from them. Yes, it seems that I have inadvertently improved myself anyway for I am now a thoughtfully considerate guy.

Leaf blowers are the devil, gas powered ones doubly so. Just my opinion.
I recommend a rake, and if that's too onerous, a neighbour kid with a
rake. At least in cities, blowers are a scheme by corporations to feed
a war, neighbour against neighbour, to push all the leaves away and make
them Somebody Else's Problem, with the final result, after the same debris
has travelled back and forth up and down the block aided by the expenditure
of a whole taxi fleet's year's worth of hydrocarbon pollution, of the
entire mass ending up plugging the gutters and drains all along the street
just in time for the onset of the monsoon season, resulting in a belated
overtime effort by overtaxed civic workers to dredge and collect the sodden
lot, all of which could have been avoided, including flooded basements, if
the good citizens had had the integrity to collect and bag their leaves instead
of trying to push them over the property line. It's an annual spectacle of
irresponsibility.

Bothered, no, I'm not bothered, not in the least. Why do you ask?
(Wow, that's quite a sentence eh? I'm dangerous in rant mode...)

Folks,

PV1:

You dangerous? Perhaps in your Hurricane but down here you're an erudite pussycat. But don't hold back. Say what you really feel. Anyway we know you're saying all that ...just because it's true.

As for me I have no next door neighbors to aggravate or better still to be annoyed by. Other than squirrels that is. They can bean me with a well placed acorn now and again but other than that I'm fine with them and they tolerate me. A distant neighbor's cat drops by for a chat every few mornings or to have her kittens but that's fine with me. Occasionally other wild critters pass by during the evening and night leaving their tracks as evidence they were there.

The river is near and we have actually seen deer, foxes, possums, raccoons, and once for a brief moment I saw either a wolf or a wolf mix standing in the moonlight at the edge of the woods behind the house. The animal was accompanied by several submissive mutts. When I moved in its direction it melted into the shadows and was gone leaving two very large paw prints behind. I have always wished I had not moved.

My property is wooded with both evergreen and deciduous trees and it is completely fenced in so my leaves remain mine bar a tornado or hurricane. I use the blower to herd the mass of leaves toward the street and then the rake comes into play making neat piles for easy pickup. Piles of leaves are always promptly sucked up by a powerful vacuum and whisked away to make mulch somewhere else by the city. As you recommend I never put leaves on the street to wash down and clog drains though I often see others do that. I cannot however be held accountable for that or for leaves that may blow from my trees into the street.

I use some of our leaves for mulch around trees and shrubs etc. The prefect solution would be for me to have more growing things on the property and mulch the leaves myself but the wife being so sick has pretty much put those plans at least temporary to a halt.

Alert the media Dux. In other more important news the great but painfully modest ace JRT swatted down a couple of JU 87s and a 109 last night after a perfect bounce. His victories are so many now they are un-countable. Can a visit to the palace be far away?

Gents,

JRT,

Inevitably, you will indeed be summoned to the Palace for bestowal of all the awards due to you.

Also, Herman Goering is keen to invest you with the Knights Cross to the Iron Cross after your tally of Blenheims in the Battle of France and will be sending one of his deputies on a flying visit for the award ceremony at Edinburgh castle. Churchill has given express orders that the Bf110 conveying a one Mr Hess, is not be be fired on. Witnesses have stated that 'Winnie' had the fingers of both hands crossed behind his back when he gave the order.

BTW: Don't touch the salmon at the Grand Investiture Buffet.

Just let them rot I say.

The leaves, that is!

Folks,

Dux:

You mean I'm finally getting all that is coming to me, eh? Hmmmmmm. It is so nice to finally be appreciated by those at the top. As a friend I'll ignore your obvious yet understandable jealousy.

Any new gongs will look ever so nice framed and hanging next to the stamped Aluminum Cross with chrome Spanners, copper Poison Ivy Leaves and machine polished Zirconium sent to me air mail special delivery by Goering himself.

If you haven't noticed it already, it is represented by the hot-pink satin ribbon with lacy, white frills I wear on my dress tunic. Say what you will; Goering really knows how to make a fashion statement. The award promptly arrived right after I pranged my 10th Spitfire. You'll recall that I managed that by pancaking in Drubbin's much abused pig sty. Considering the honor it might have been worth it if it had been right side up with the hood closed.

Old Rudy is several Old Maid cards shy of a full deck the way I see it. His flight had nothing to do with me this time. In my opinion he hoped to contact his old pals from before the war the Duke of Windbreaker and lord Burpingham. His motive might have been peace or it may have been to start some sort of general uprising against the war led by these influential men that would have forced Churchill's govt. to sue for a favorable peace.

Oh, and Dux just to show you what a fine, well-bred, unpretentious fellow I really am; after the palace ceremony I will allow you to kiss my ring.

Folks,

Dux:

PS:

That is a blatant fabrication of the truth regarding all those Blenheim's.

An abominable prevarication probably started by C51 if you ask me. There was quite a bit of confusion on both sides at the time. I'll have you know I only bagged one Blenheim. All the rest were shot down by pistol fire from the French lines. The one I got fired on me first then flew right into my bullets meant for an He111 hidden in cloud that incidentally turned out to be a flight of Axis geese.

Folks,

MG:

They will rot?? Really? I mean decay, breakdown, as in add nutrients to the soil. You may have uncovered something rich and useful there MG.

Leave it to the Danes who have always been famous for their farming skills....what's that Dux? The Danes are not especially noted for their amazing farming ability...they are world famous as great warriors and fishermen. Is that true? Well fish can make great fertilizer as well Dux.

Speaking of fertilizer Dux; you and I are both full of it today.:)